Your Family Holiday Get-Together Survival Guide

“Peace is not the absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” ~ Ronald Reagan

Ahh, the holidays. We get to spend time with friends and family we may not see often. But according to actor and comedian George Burns, “Happiness is having a large, loving, close-knit family in another city.”

Family get-togethers would be easy if it weren’t for our families. As much as we love them, they’re often the people who can drive us on the shortest trip to crazy. While some of us long for extra time with our family, others dread those get-togethers. If the thought of a difficult family member gets your blood pressure rising, it’s time to accept the facts. You can’t change them. But you can change the way they affect you. 

Before your next family gathering sends you to binge out on carbs, try these tips. They’re more permanent—and more effective—than self-medicating, and they can help you experience the kind of holiday celebration we all hope for.

8 Tips to Survive Awkward Family Celebrations

1. Ask lots of questions. Prepare a list of safe topics in advance. People love to talk about themselves and their thoughts. The more questions you ask, the more you control the narrative. If you sense your Aunt Gertrude is getting dangerously close to asking about your love life—again—simply ask her to share about her first boyfriend. 

1. Tell a joke. Have a couple of corny “dad” jokes ready. When things get awkward, save the day with humor. Groans are better than heated stares. 

1. Let the children lead. Give them the stage. Younger kids can be brutally honest, yes. But most people are more amused than offended. Plus, Grandma and Grandpa usually can’t get enough of their grandkids anyway. 

1. Give a vague answer. When someone asks a too-personal question or offers an opinion about something that’s none of their business, simply say, “Maybe you’re right. It’s certainly something to think about.” Then change the topic to Aunt Mary’s delicious pumpkin pie. 

1. Play dumb. If someone is rude, pretend you didn’t notice. You can even act like you didn’t understand. You might say, “I’m sorry. I’m having trouble hearing you right now.” Then excuse yourself from the conversation. 

1. Agree with them. I know. Shocking solution. But you can always say something like, “Great question. I’ve wondered about that too.”

1. Thank them for their concern. “It means the world to me that you care. Really. Thank you so much for that.” Then change the subject.

1. Ignore the behavior. If the awkwardness stems from Grandpa’s teeth clicking or Cousin Earl’s bad breath, pretend you don’t notice. It’s just for a little while, and you only see them once or twice a year. The polite thing to do is overlook these idiosyncrasies and focus on the things you appreciate about the unique, motley crew you call family.

While some situations can be handled with a joke or comment, others may be more toxic. Preparation is key for knowing how to handle tough circumstances with family.

8 Tips to Survive Difficult Family Members:

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