Post-Election Holiday Dinner Talk: Avoid These Mistakes to Keep the Peace

“Peace is not the absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” ~ Ronald Reagan

Thanksgiving and Christmas are often spent with extended family—which can bring stress by itself. Add in the recent emotionally charged election and the divisiveness it’s caused, and this year’s holiday dinners have leveled up. 

In today’s political climate, people are moving away from politely expressing a differing view while respecting others’ opinions. Oftentimes, they’re not willing to keep the topic off the table, have an open discussion, or even remain civil. Where relationships might’ve been prioritized over political views in the past, lines have now been drawn in the sand. People have unfollowed others on social media, cancelled events, and shut down relationships with family and friends. 

It's not surprising that even the thought of coming together to share a meal can cause dread, tension, and anxiety over potential conflict. Even if you think you know someone well, you can’t always predict how they’ll react. And you can’t change them. But you can change the way you respond. Check out the strategies below to help you survive this year’s holiday dinners. 

Strategies to Survive Your Holiday Dinner

Strategies for What to Say to Avoid Political Conversation

• When you want to change the subject. “Can I interrupt? We need to talk about XYZ.” This approach changes the topic and gives you a way out. 

• When you want to disagree. “My opinion is different, but you make an interesting point.” This is a respectful way to disagree that also lets others feel heard. 

• When you need a break. “This isn’t something I want to talk about right now. Can we talk about X?” Most people will at least think about not pushing back once you’ve clearly stated you want to talk about something else. 

• When you feel uncomfortable. “For personal reasons, I’d rather not discuss this. Mind if we ditch this topic?” By being direct and honest, you can state your feelings without it being awkward.”

• When you’re stressed and need to shut a conversation down. “I respectfully disagree and think it would be best if we didn’t talk about it anymore.” This gives calm and respectful feedback while making your views clear.

• When someone gets emotional. “I see you feel strongly about this. I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?” When you say what’s happening for you personally, you can move forward in a way that’s respectful to both of you.

8 Strategies to Handle Conflict When It Arises

• Stay calm and civil. Getting angry, calling names, villainizing people, yelling, or arguing only escalates conflict. When you calmly respond to someone, they’re more likely to hear your viewpoint. 

• Agree to disagree. People see the same event from different viewpoints. Sometimes, it’s enough to acknowledge that it’s okay not to agree. 

• Separate people from their opinions. You can still care about and respect someone if their beliefs and choices differ from yours. 

• Acknowledge and validate both of your fears, anxieties, and anger, and focus on the relationship rather than the conflict.   

• Listen actively. Active listening communicates someone’s worth and helps you understand the thoughts, feelings, and emotions behind what they’re saying. Try to hear the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind their message so you can “walk a few blocks in their shoes.” 

• Know your message. If possible, consider your own emotions and thoughts before a conflict occurs. Decide how you can best communicate your needs, interests, values, and principles ahead of time so you’re prepared to respond in a calm, respectful manner. 

• Use defusing speech and body language. 

• Choose “I” instead of “you” statements. Focus on the actual conflict instead of how you’re reacting to it. (“I feel frustrated when you tell me what my opinion should be.”)

• Avoid triggers. Stay away from exaggerated words (always or never), emotionally charged words, and aggressive nonverbal language (crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, pointing a finger, getting into someone’s personal space).

Keep in Mind

If you’re the one who wants to talk politics, be sensitive, and respectful. Try saying, “I’d like to hear your thoughts on X. Is that something you’d be interested in discussing with me?” Asking for permission gives others the opportunity to participate or to opt out of a discussion.

You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. Remember to be the person you wish everyone else was. Show grace and compassion. Treat others the way you want to be treated. And if the tension becomes too much, it’s okay to walk away.

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