Many people experiencing a mental health problem will speak to friends and family before they speak to a health professional, so the support you offer can be really valuable. ~ Mind.org
For the past several weeks, Matthew’s girlfriend Katie had been acting differently. She had sudden mood changes. She isolated herself but wouldn’t tell him why. He was concerned but wasn’t sure how to help her. He didn’t want her to think he was judging her. He loved her and knew there had to be a reason for her change in behavior. He spoke with his therapist, who encouraged him to have a conversation with Katie. He waited for the right moment—free of distractions—and kept his voice gentle and compassionate. “How have you been doing lately?” he asked. “You don’t seem like yourself, and I’m concerned about you. Is there anything you need to talk about?”
When someone we care about struggles with their mental health, we want to be supportive. But it can be hard to know how to help. We don’t want to come across as judgy or preachy. Yet help can often come in the small, quiet, everyday ways we show we care.
Below are some ideas to help you reach out to someone who struggles with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues:
- Don’t worry too much about the “right” thing to say. Just be there for the person. Sit with them. Listen to them. Just knowing you care and that they’re not alone can be extremely healing.
- Make sure the person feels safe. Don’t pass judgment on their feelings or actions.
- Offer to help find resources or do everyday tasks, such as cleaning and laundry.
- Don’t compare how you would handle something with how they are handling it. This could minimize their feelings and make them feel ashamed or unheard. Everyone has a unique perspective.
- Remember, those who struggle with mental health issues are just people, like you. They are not a problem to be solved but a person to connect with and respect.
- In a mental health crisis, offer to take the person to the hospital or connect them with helpful resources. Offer to help them pack if it involves an overnight stay.
- Help them make a plan for when they find themselves in crisis. Make a card with numbers to call and ideas to distract themselves from the crisis or to buy themselves time.
- If the person becomes withdrawn or isolated, reach out. Even if they reject your offer or invitation, keep reaching out. This reminds them someone cares and they are not alone.
- Encourage the person by telling them how much they mean to you and others or by reminding them what they do well and how others depend on them.
- If you notice signs that someone is struggling, ask them about it gently. For example, “You don’t seem yourself. Is everything okay?” Keep questions open-ended, and give them ample time to answer.
- Don’t give them a grocery list of what they should be doing. When someone struggles with mental health, even the most basic tasks can be overwhelming. Simply be there, offer to help, and don’t judge.
- And remember, you can’t force anyone to seek help. It has to be their decision.
When supporting a loved one with mental health struggles, it’s important to take care of yourself too. If you drain yourself, you won’t be able to be there for them. Offer specific times and ways you can help, but keep up with your own self-care as well.
If a person’s needs seem beyond your ability, connect the person with a counselor or therapist, a support group, or even the suicide hotline (988). It’s not your job to fix their problems. Instead, you can help by caring for them, accepting them, encouraging them, and by simply being there.
