Parenting Survival Guide

All parents make mistakes. A good parent is not the one who makes the fewest, but the one who apologizes for them. ~ Nobel Coaching & Tutoring

Have you ever noticed how resilient babies are? They can roll off the bed, bang their heads, and after a few tears and some cuddles, they’ve forgotten all about it. If an adult rolled off the bed, we’d be sore for days. That same resilience is built-in to children who grow up in an overall loving environment and have the general idea that their world is a safe place to be. No parent is perfect, but we can strive to offer a consistently safe environment—mentally, physically, and emotionally.

How to Handle Parenting Mistakes

So what happens when we make mistakes? Maybe we yelled instead of responding calmly. Maybe we chose a work commitment over an event that was important to our child. If we’re not careful, we can let guilt hijack our relationships.

Here are some ideas for what to do when you mess up: 

• Be humble. One of the hardest things for any adult is to set aside our pride and recognize we blew it. The first step to getting past our mistakes is to acknowledge them.
• Figure out the “why.” Did we have a headache? Lose track of time? Did we blow up at our children because someone made us mad at work? Recognizing why we messed up can help us not repeat the mistake.
• Say you’re sorry. And mean it. We often require our children to apologize when their actions hurt others. Sometimes we need to model that behavior.
• Talk about it. Don’t just say you’re sorry and walk away. Be willing to sit down and talk about why you messed up. Listen to how your mistake made your child feel. Reassure your child that you love them and would never hurt them on purpose, that you acted irresponsibly, and that you’ll try to do better in the future.
• Learn the lesson. Our mistakes can become our greatest teachers if we let them. Examine the situation, make a plan for improvement, and use it as a teaching moment for yourself and your child.
• Create a plan. How will you prevent this from happening again? Is there something you can do to make restitution and heal the relationship? Ask your child or your partner to hold you accountable and help you avoid repeating the mistake.
• Press on. Once you’ve responsibly addressed your mistake, shown humility and compassion for the hurt you caused, made restitution, and come up with a plan to avoid the same mistake in the future, it’s time to put it behind you. Don’t be driven by guilt or bring it up again. In this way, you model for your child a healthy way to deal with mistakes and move past them. 

·      Parenting is a journey. About the time we figure out the road map, our children will be adults. The key to successful parenting isn’t perfection, but consistency when it comes to making your child feel physically, mentally, and emotionally safe, loved, and wanted.

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