by Lyle Labardee February 23, 2021
Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and strengthens relationships between you, your child and their siblings.
WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE
Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they will fall short of our behavioral expectations. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction.
Consider the following:
ACTION STEPS
Positive discipline trains children to behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will help you channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:
✓ Refrain from saying “no” – There’s something about being told “no” that makes children (or adults) want to do something all the more. Instead, offer an alternative.
✓ Control yourself – Children watch their parents. You’re modeling for them what is acceptable. If you yell, they will also. Take steps to remain calm and keep the situation from escalating.
✓ Consistency – We sometimes overlook or address behaviors based on the situation and our own energy level. This can confuse a child. Be clear and consistent with expectations.
✓ Good behavior counts – Too often we give our kids more attention when they misbehave. When we choose to ignore negative behaviors and highlight a good behavior instead, we show our kids what we truly value.
✓ Avoid bribery – When we offer our children bribes as incentives, they don’t associate good behavior as the reward itself. Help your child see that good behavior and choices bring their own rewards.
✓ Give options – There’s nothing wrong with giving your child choices. For example, if a child is fighting with their sibling, explain to them you only have enough energy to either listen to their squabble or do something fun later.
✓ Rewards – Incentives can be powerful motivators for positive behavior.
✓ Responsibility – Trusting children to take care of certain tasks should be seen as a privilege. Responsibility is a reward in itself. When it is framed this way, children will naturally desire to behave in a positive manner to gain more responsibilities.
✓ Your attention – Giving a child your love, understanding and attention is the best reward for them. Setting aside time every day to spend with your child is the best way to influence their lives.
KEEP IN MIND
Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time, consistency and patience. Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment, and remember a licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how to implement these methods. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.
Want to talk to a counselor today about this?
by Lyle Labardee September 07, 2020
Individuals with threatening, intimidating and negative personality traits undermine relationships, households and organizations. Individuals all around us have their own unique personalities. Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, emotionally abusive and even aggressive. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally, and enables us to help create a safe and productive environment for others.
Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:
ACTION STEPS
When interacting with hostile people:
✓ Find ways for them to let off steam and calm down without becoming abusive.
✓ Address them by name, and calmly state what you want to discuss.
✓ Set boundaries and avoid engaging them in front of an audience.
When interacting with narcissistic people:
✓ Refuse to argue or act like you know more than they do.
✓ Explain that you would like to use your knowledge too.
✓ Set clear boundaries, expectations and consequences.
When interacting with passive-aggressive people:
✓ Focus on the issue, not the person, and limit potential for personalizing.
✓ Meet with the individual in private or with one of your managerial peers.
✓ Let them know you will not tolerate their sarcasm and undercutting.
When interacting with negative people:
✓ Focus on the facts of a situation and what needs to happen next.
✓ Avoid engaging in discussion or debate about possible solutions.
✓ Instead, ask them what would be different if the problem was solved.
When interacting with antisocial people:
✓ Use open-ended questions when you speak to them and engage them.
✓ Be comfortable with silence and wait for them to respond.
✓ Build rapport casually rather than engaging intensely too quickly.
KEEP IN MIND
Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort, and it can be frustrating and discouraging. Remember, you’re not alone when it comes to figuring out how to work with those who have some of these traits. Consider engaging a life coach or counselor for guidance on next steps.
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Getting Along With Your Parents
Navigating a healthy adult relationship with your parents can sometimes be difficult. On one hand, they might still attempt to treat you like a child. On the other, you may begin assuming a more parental role as they age. Sometimes we want them to still nurture and care for us, and in other instances, we want to be treated as independent adults.
Potential Problems
You and your parents are not the same people. They are unique and so are you. They might have different values, beliefs, interests, and priorities than you, and that’s natural. Healthy adult relationships can appreciate both the similarities and differences. However, this knowledge does not mean there won’t be challenges. Here are some examples of how we might encounter problems with our parents:
Mutually Beneficial Relationship
Having a healthy adult relationship with your parents is possible and a worthwhile investment. The following are guidelines on how to begin accepting your parents and building a mutually beneficial relationship:
Accepting Parents
Being Assertive
Building Relationships
Managing Conflict
All relationships experience conflict, and the parent/adult child interaction is no different. Even though it might seem easier to cut all ties, this isn’t wise. Though it might feel better in the short-term, shutting out your parents will not resolve emotional problems.
You should handle conflict with your parents like you would with any other adult that you respect. Good communication, as you would have with a friend or coworker, is vital. Problems are not necessarily character flaws, and they can be opportunities for growth and change.
The transition from the parent/child to the parent/adult child relationship doesn’t need to be stressful. The turbulent adolescent years are over, and it’s possible for your relationship with your parents to blossom even more. Though you are grown never assume your parents aren’t interested in the details of your life. Share your dreams and goals just as you would with another friend. Investing in a healthy adult relationship with your parents is beneficial and worthwhile; so take advantage of the opportunities while they are available.
Sources:
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-04-2013/parenting-adult-children-family-relationships.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Conflict Resolution for Couples
All relationships experience conflict. Even a good relationship has its share of ups and downs. What makes a healthy relationship is not a lack of conflict. How both partners manage and resolve conflict determines an open, honest, and successful relationship.
Causes of Conflict
There is no shortage of potential conflicts for relationships today given the external and internal stressors we all face. Fears, differences, and expectations also play a large role in relational troubles. Some partners fear rejection or a loss of independence. Conflict might arise as a result of the couple’s different personalities, values, or beliefs. Perhaps, one partner is expecting too much of the other. When a couple is unable to agree on what the problem is, it is unlikely they will agree on how to solve it. These are all common reasons for relational conflicts.
Tolls on a Relationship
Resolving issues in a relationship requires work, but the toll of unresolved conflict is even greater. These byproducts cause stress that flows into other areas of our lives, affecting us physically, emotionally, and financially. Couples may experience a decrease in intimacy, as well as feelings of resentment, relational insecurity, and financial instability. Communication might become difficult, as conversation about anything other than the conflict decreases. Individuals may also experience lower self-esteem as a result of unresolved conflict.
Dealing with Conflict
There are healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict. When one partner makes all the decisions, the other might feel undervalued and resent this misuse of power. On the flip side, if both partners avoid conflict, the problem will linger and escalate. Partners will continue to play their roles to the best of their abilities, but the problem will never be resolved if it’s not addressed. These are both examples of unhealthy ways to deal with conflict.
The best strategy for approaching conflict is for both partners to share their thinking, knowing the relationship itself gets the final vote. Many times if a couple can focus on what’s best for the relationship as a whole, they are able to put aside their individual preferences and find compromise.
Conflict Resolution Process
Here are some practical guidelines to help you work through potentially difficult relationship conversations:
Learning to work through conflict in a relationship might not happen overnight. Be patient, as constructing a solution takes time and practice. However, the more you’re able to hear each other and control your emotional reactivity, the greater the energy you’ll have to work on the relationship and create a viable solution.
Sources:
http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs-466-4.pdf
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Conflict Resolution
Everyone faces conflict in varying degrees at some point in life. Because conflict happens in any relationship, including those at work and at home, no one is immune to its complexities. How we choose to deal with conflict is unique, as everyone brings his or her own personality and experiences to these difficulties.
Conflict Defined
A conflict is a difference of opinions, priorities, or perspectives, whether friendly or hostile. Because people react differently to conflict, the situation may be difficult to assess. Sometimes people disguise conflict in sarcasm or cynicism, or they pretend the problem doesn’t exist. How you perceive it largely determines the role it will play in your life. Those who view conflict as a threat usually experience anxiety and stress, and those who see it as an opportunity for growth can overcome it and even benefit from conflict.
Conflict in the Workplace
One environment where conflict is common is in the workplace. We spend the bulk of our time there and often can’t choose our co-workers. Since conflict is inevitable, there are real benefits to improving your resolution skills. Some of the paybacks include improved relationships, a smoother working environment, fewer delays in production, increased communication, and improved health as tension symptoms decrease. The following strategies will help you in your workplace conflict resolution:
Take Action through Listening
In the middle of a conflict, you might find yourself tuning the other person out to better prepare your argument. If you find yourself waiting your turn to speak instead of legitimately listening, you will probably remain stuck right in the middle of the problem. The following tips demonstrate how to resolve conflict with listening skills:
Conflict in life is guaranteed and often it will be unexpected. When you are able to calmly respond to an individual your viewpoint is more likely to be understood. No one wants to feel like the other person is simply trying to win an argument. Using statements beginning with “I” instead of “you” is another helpful way to diffuse tension. For example, “I felt frustrated when you didn’t follow through with your commitment,” is very different than, “You never do what you promise.”
Some conflicts simply cannot be resolved without a mediator of some sort, so don’t feel discouraged if you have to bring in a third party. If you are facing a tough situation, reach out to a neutral person, like a licensed counselor or therapist or your human resources officer.
The long-term effects of unresolved conflict are often far more damaging than the short-term discomfort of resolving them. With the right mindset and a little practice, you will start seeing conflict as a growth opportunity, one that will help you achieve your goals and create healthy relationships.
Sources
http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Dealing with Difficult Personality Traits
Individuals all around us have their own unique personality. Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, negative, and even aggressive. Being able to recognize and successfully interact with these individuals enables us to turn a potentially difficult situation into a positive one. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally. Additionally, we can help create a safe and productive environment for others.
Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:
Consequences of Dealing with Difficult People
While avoiding a discussion with a difficult person is worse, there are still possible unpleasant effects to a confrontation.
Coping with Difficult People
Knowing how to handle and react to difficult personality traits is beneficial in all environments. Here are some common strategies to deal with all difficult personality styles.
Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort. It can be frustrating and discouraging at times, but if you are able to persist and communicate with compassion, you might find a solution to the challenge.
Sources:
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Managing Conflict
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. From family dynamics to workplace environments, everyone experiences some degree of relational struggles. Avoiding conflict, or merely pretending it doesn’t exist, will only make the situation worse. In fact, how we handle that conflict largely determines the effect it has on our lives.
We benefit when we pay attention to conflict. Perhaps it’s pointing to a need for better communication or a change in how we’re doing something. Conflict is also an opportunity to learn more about others and ourselves; we can even use it to grow as an individual or organization.
Conflict Management Ideas
The following tips for managing conflict will show you how to turn a potentially negative experience into an opportunity for positive change:
Overall Attitude
Listening
Speaking
Brainstorming Solutions
Conflict can be a difficult situation in any relationship, but avoiding or reacting aggressively is never helpful. However, with the right tools, a calm perspective, and an open mind, finding a solution and maintaining the relationship is possible.
Sources: http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Workplace Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable. Wherever there is relationship, there will always be occasional moments of friction. Workplace conflict does not always signal a serious problem. However, failure to handle conflict in a productive way will make the situation worse. The end result is usually lower team morale, higher absentee rates, and lower productivity. Many times when conflict occurs we gravitate to one of two extremes, either avoiding it or battling it out. This rarely results in conflict resolution.
Conflict Causes
What are the causes of conflict? There are as many potential conflicts as there are unique personalities present in your workplace. There really are endless reasons for conflict to arise, but the most common ones are listed here:
Dealing with Conflict
There are healthy and unhealthy ways of handling conflict. Some unhealthy ways include avoiding conflict, blaming others or circumstances, competing with one another, appeasing others, and giving in to others for a temporary solution. A healthier approach toward conflict resolution is to compromise and collaborate toward a positive result.
Positive Resolution Strategies
The obvious goal is a unified approach to optimal performance within the workplace. When resolutions are reached, everyone wins. Getting there can be difficult, so here are some practical steps to help you reach positive results.
The following steps will help lead you toward a positive resolution:
Play Fair
Here are some additional tools to stay fair when trying to resolve a workplace conflict:
Conflicts generally result from a clash of perspectives, so choose to view this as an opportunity to see things differently and experience growth. Avoiding conflicts will not equip you to handle them better in the future. The more you strive toward workplace resolution, the more of a problem solver you can be in other areas of life. The benefits of conflict resolution such as improved relationships, increased productivity, and less stress, far outweigh the costs of conflict.
Sources
http://hr.colorado.edu/fsap/healthtips/Pages/Resolving-Workplace-Conflict.aspx
http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/
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