groups

“AMA policy adopted last year identifies loneliness as a public health issue that affects people of all ages.” ~ American Medical Association

February is the month of love and connection. But what if you don’t feel connected? In a January 2020 (pre-lockdown) survey of 10,000 adults, 61% said they were lonely. And loneliness is more than just a mental health issue. It’s been linked to increased heart problems, stroke, and other medical issues. 

According to psychiatrist Dr. Tiffani Bell Washington, MD, MPH, “Loneliness is essentially the feeling of being uncomfortable or in distress when someone feels that there is a gap between the connection they would like and the connection they actually have... You can be in a crowd full of people, you can know all of them, and you can still feel lonely.” 

She added that superficial social connections, no matter how many, don’t really decrease loneliness. “What you really want is something deeper—someone to know you on the inside,” she said. “It's really based on perception of the difference between the relationship you'd like and the relationship that you have with others.”

Types of Loneliness

Loneliness and social isolation are two sides to the same coin. As stated above, a person can be lonely in a crowd. But many people are also at risk for social isolation. These include marginalized populations, older people, and those in remote areas. Either way, the lack of connection to others is detrimental because humans are hard-wired for connection. 

How to Combat Loneliness

When it comes to “fixing” the problem of loneliness, there are two major things to consider: connection with others and connection with ourselves (being content while alone). 

Connecting with others doesn’t have to mean going to crowded places or attending parties every week. Since we long for others who really “get” us, it’s helpful to find those who share our interests, values, and backgrounds. Writers, for example, tend to work in isolation. As a profession, they are often considered introverts. But attending writer’s conferences and joining writer’s groups—either locally or online, offers connection for people who share similar interests and who often view life in comparable ways.

Ways to Connect with Others

• Consider your interests and hobbies, and find groups who share those. If you live in a remote area, find an online group that meets online. 

• Join a community or volunteer organization. Look for someone else who looks lonely and befriend them. 

• Take your lunch to a park or other place and people watch. Even if you don’t talk to anyone, just being around other humans can help you feel less lonely. 

• Find creative ways to connect. If you live far from family and friends, set up online appointments to meet for coffee, dinner, online games, or even watch a movie or sporting event. You can use these to join birthday parties and holiday gatherings too.

• Make a large group smaller. If you’re already in a large group that makes you feel lonely, invite a few people you have something in common with and start a group within a group. This can be a study group, a book club, a dinner club, or anything else that brings a deeper connection.   

Ways to Connect with Yourself (Hint: Self-Care!)

• Learn to relish your alone time. Schedule appointments with yourself to do things you really want to do, that you need to do alone, anyway. Get a massage or a facial. Take a bubble bath. Turn on some of your favorite music, light a candle, read a novel. 

• Reorganize or redecorate a room in your home. 

• Start a new hobby. YouTube is an excellent resource for learning to paint, play guitar, garden, or just about anything else you might be interested in. 

• Go outside. Talk a walk or a jog in a park or around your neighborhood, or simply enjoy a cup of tea while you listen to birdsong. 

• Talk to yourself. Tell yourself the things you’d say to your best friend, if they were feeling disconnected. Remind yourself that you’re amazing, interesting, intelligent, and fun. Do this every day—out loud or in your head. 

Several studies link loneliness with depression, immune suppression, and other health problems. If you’re feeling lonely, it’s important to combat the issue in any way you can. Sometimes you can do all the right things and the loneliness persists. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can help you explore ways to bridge the gap between the connections you want and the connections you have. You are worth the effort.

 

Self-Help Groups

When tragedy, crisis, or just everyday life cause problems to arise, people tend to lean on family and friends for support.  However, sometimes it can be helpful to be with others who are dealing with the same issue, life situation, disease, or addiction.  When a group of individuals who share a common problem get together to help each other heal, they form what is called a self-help, or support, group.  The term “self-help” implies that the group members provide support to strengthen the individual to cope and problem-solve. 

Purpose of Self-Help Groups

Self-help groups rely on self-disclosure.  As long as the participants feel comfortable, they will share details and information regarding their situation.  In addition, their feelings, worries, and attempts at healing or recovery are expressed.  When individuals hear another person’s story, concerns, or successes and failures, they begin to feel accepted and less alone in their own life and situation.  This is especially helpful, as many life circumstances, like a disability or illness, can feel isolating. 

 

Types of Self-Help Groups

There is a vast variety of self-help groups available today.  These can range from independent gatherings to programs that partner with a larger organization.  Locations can also vary, including individual homes, hospitals, places of worship, schools and other non-profits or centers.  Some self-help groups have a professional present to offer guidance and knowledge.  Others follow a peer-led style.  This type of support group is comprised of people who share the same problem or situation.  Many people enjoy this style because “veterans” can help those newer to the group share their experiences and what’s working for them.  In this approach, both the “veteran” and the newcomer benefit.

 

Self-Help Group Models

Alcoholics Anonymous is perhaps the most well known self-help model.  Its 12-step program was later adopted and refashioned for other groups, such as: Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous.  Respecting confidentiality outside of meetings is a central tenet of this program.  Groups are self-supporting and not reliant on outside means. 

 

Other groups, specifically those addressing medical needs, provide information related to living with the disease or illness.  You might also learn about who to contact or where to go for assistance and advocacy.  Simply networking with other individuals or families who share the medical situation can be a life-giving source of encouragement. 

 

People with less common life situations or diseases can find help through online support groups.  Also, if one desires complete anonymity, seeking cyber-support can be a good option.  Websites, chat rooms, and discussion boards offer 24-hour accessibility.  These allow people to support one another in their unique circumstances at any time of day or night. 

 

Joining a Self-Help Group

While a support group can be a wonderfully beneficial experience, finding the right one for you is key.  The following five strategies will help you connect with a group to meet your individual needs:

1. Ask a professional- The internet is an excellent tool for finding a self-help group. However, some websites might not be as current on all the local resources.  Try talking to your physician, counselor, or therapist for their recommendation for a great fit.  If they’ve referred other patients or clients to a specific group, they might have feedback to help you make a more informed decision.
2. Stay positive- Every group is unique and different from one another. Perhaps, you’ve found some strong personalities or intimidating people.  There might be some unfriendly faces or maybe the information wasn’t pertinent to you.  If your first experience didn’t prove helpful, don’t be discouraged.  Stay positive and continue looking for the ideal group.  No group will be perfect, but you can find one that’s a great match for you. 
3. Share at your pace- Participation in a self-help group is voluntary. There’s nothing wrong if you feel hesitant to share your story on your first or second visit.  You should never feel pressured to open up about information you’re not ready to disclose.  Even if you just listen, you can still glean a lot of helpful information from others’ stories. 
4. Speak up- There’s no question too small or silly to ask. If you don’t understand something or have a different perspective, it’s appropriate to ask or offer your input.  You’ll get the most from your group experience when you participate.  As long as you’re courteous with others, they will generally hear your question, concerns, or input with a mutual respect. 
5. Respect confidentiality- You will meet many individuals through your support group, some with fascinating stories. However, it’s inappropriate to share their experiences with others outside your group.  As long as it’s your story, you’re free to tell whomever, but be sure to respect your fellow group members’ privacy. 

Walking through life’s trials and struggles is difficult.  Sharing the journey with another makes it a little easier to handle.  The right self-help group can play a fundamental role in your healing and provide strength along the way. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

 

Sources: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/support-groups/art-20044655