college

Thanksgiving and Christmas are often spent with extended family—which can bring stress by itself. Add in the recent emotionally charged election and the divisiveness it’s caused, and this year’s holiday dinners have leveled up. 

In today’s political climate, people are moving away from politely expressing a differing view while respecting others’ opinions. Oftentimes, they’re not willing to keep the topic off the table, have an open discussion, or even remain civil. Where relationships might’ve been prioritized over political views in the past, lines have now been drawn in the sand. People have unfollowed others on social media, cancelled events, and shut down relationships with family and friends. 

It's not surprising that even the thought of coming together to share a meal can cause dread, tension, and anxiety over potential conflict. Even if you think you know someone well, you can’t always predict how they’ll react. And you can’t change them. But you can change the way you respond. Check out the strategies below to help you survive this year’s holiday dinners. 

Strategies to Survive Your Holiday Dinner

Set boundaries before and during the event. If you’re the host, send a text or an email to request that guests avoid polarizing topics. Politely remind them again as you sit down to dinner. If you’re the guest, decide ahead of time what you will and will not endure. If things get too much for you, excuse yourself as politely as possible, tell everyone you love them, wish them a happy holiday, and explain that you’re not feeling well and have to leave. 

Shift the Focus. When conversations veer into iffy territory, redirect. Ask lots of questions. People love to talk about themselves and their thoughts. The more questions you ask, the more you control the narrative. Tell a joke. Have a couple of corny “dad” jokes ready. When things get awkward, save the day with humor. Groans are better than heated stares. Suggest playing a game or watching a movie. 

Take a break. Scope out a place to decompress before you need it. Politely excuse yourself. Spend a few minutes scrolling through social media, watching funny cat videos, or listening to your favorite music. Take some deep breaths. 

Limit your time. It’s better to stay for an hour or two and leave on a good note. 

Strategies for What to Say to Avoid Political Conversation

• When you want to change the subject. “Can I interrupt? We need to talk about XYZ.” This approach changes the topic and gives you a way out. 

• When you want to disagree. “My opinion is different, but you make an interesting point.” This is a respectful way to disagree that also lets others feel heard. 

• When you need a break. “This isn’t something I want to talk about right now. Can we talk about X?” Most people will at least think about not pushing back once you’ve clearly stated you want to talk about something else. 

• When you feel uncomfortable. “For personal reasons, I’d rather not discuss this. Mind if we ditch this topic?” By being direct and honest, you can state your feelings without it being awkward.”

• When you’re stressed and need to shut a conversation down. “I respectfully disagree and think it would be best if we didn’t talk about it anymore.” This gives calm and respectful feedback while making your views clear.

• When someone gets emotional. “I see you feel strongly about this. I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?” When you say what’s happening for you personally, you can move forward in a way that’s respectful to both of you.

8 Strategies to Handle Conflict When It Arises

• Stay calm and civil. Getting angry, calling names, villainizing people, yelling, or arguing only escalates conflict. When you calmly respond to someone, they’re more likely to hear your viewpoint. 

• Agree to disagree. People see the same event from different viewpoints. Sometimes, it’s enough to acknowledge that it’s okay not to agree. 

• Separate people from their opinions. You can still care about and respect someone if their beliefs and choices differ from yours. 

• Acknowledge and validate both of your fears, anxieties, and anger, and focus on the relationship rather than the conflict.   

• Listen actively. Active listening communicates someone’s worth and helps you understand the thoughts, feelings, and emotions behind what they’re saying. Try to hear the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind their message so you can “walk a few blocks in their shoes.” 

• Know your message. If possible, consider your own emotions and thoughts before a conflict occurs. Decide how you can best communicate your needs, interests, values, and principles ahead of time so you’re prepared to respond in a calm, respectful manner. 

• Use defusing speech and body language. 

• Choose “I” instead of “you” statements. Focus on the actual conflict instead of how you’re reacting to it. (“I feel frustrated when you tell me what my opinion should be.”)

• Avoid triggers. Stay away from exaggerated words (always or never), emotionally charged words, and aggressive nonverbal language (crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, pointing a finger, getting into someone’s personal space).

Keep in Mind

If you’re the one who wants to talk politics, be sensitive, and respectful. Try saying, “I’d like to hear your thoughts on X. Is that something you’d be interested in discussing with me?” Asking for permission gives others the opportunity to participate or to opt out of a discussion.

You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. Remember to be the person you wish everyone else was. Show grace and compassion. Treat others the way you want to be treated. And if the tension becomes too much, it’s okay to walk away.

Understanding Mental Health in Teens and Young Adults

College is a time of transition and can be stressful for students faced with new social and academic challenges alongside a new level of independence.  Managing one’s mental health at this time is multifaceted and very important.

Mental health conditions are extremely common, and research shows that one in five young adults will experience a mental health condition in college. It is also important to know that 75% of all mental health conditions begin by age 24, which is why college is a crucial time in understanding mental health and how to maintain mental wellness.

When deciding where to go for college, consider the decisions you make from the perspective of what environments and situations may be best in maintaining your mental wellness. There are several factors that can impact one’s mental wellbeing, including:

• College location — Is it far from home? Does the weather play a role in mental wellness? Is the student experiencing culture shock?
• Size of the college — Is it a large college or university, or does the student have individualized attention?
• Living situation — Is the student living alone for the first time? Housed with a random roommate? Stressed about paying rent while in school?
• School resources available to students — Is there mental health care readily available? Counseling services? Referral resources?

Managing Mental Wellness

 

It is important to take care of our mental health because experiencing problems in this area can affect all areas of our lives, including our physical health, academic performance, friendships, and work. Finding ways to maintain mental wellness in college can have a positive impact on your overall college experience.

 

Below are some ways in which you can take care of your mental health in college:

 

• Get outside, go for a walk or enjoy other forms of exercise.
• Join a club or organization that can help you build a social support system.
• Take advantage of mental and emotional health resources available to you. Know when to seek help and where you can go for help.
• Eat balanced, nutritious meals regularly. This includes ensuring proper water intake daily.
• Get enough sleep — Despite deadlines and a full workload, it is important to get enough sleep every night and to maintain a regular sleep schedule when possible.
• Avoid drugs and alcohol.
• Reduce stress — If you are feeling a lot of academic pressure, speak with your counselor. Does it make sense to take fewer classes and graduate a little later? There are different approaches to many stressors that may help alleviate pressure.

 

Managing a Mental Health Condition in College

 

In addition to maintaining mental wellness, if a student has a mental health condition upon entering college, there are many steps that can be taken to ensure successful management of the condition.

• Keep scheduled appointments with mental health professionals that you are already working with or, if moving far, set up an appointment with a new mental health care professional.
• If taking medication, continue to do so as prescribed and order refills before running out.
• Consider living with trusted family members or friends in the initial months or during the first year to assist with the transition of living away from home.
• Look into opportunities for special education services, there may be resources available to you to help with coursework, exams, and other aspects of your academic life.
• Understand the school and community resources available to you and take advantage of them as needed.

Managing a mental health condition in college may present you with new challenges but there are many resources available to you. Planning ahead, preparing carefully, and taking advantage of resources can go a long way in managing mental health conditions and maintaining mental wellness.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Teens-Young-Adults/Managing-a-Mental-Health-Condition-in-College

https://nami.org/collegeguide