parent

Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and strengthens relationships between you, your child and their siblings.

WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE

Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they will fall short of our behavioral expectations. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction. 

Consider the following:

• What is the specific behavior?
• How do you feel about it?
• What is your personality type? Your child’s?
• Why do you think they’re behaving this way?
• Where is the behavior occurring? Who is there,when it happens?
• Is  anything  impacting  or  preventing  your response to it?

ACTION STEPS

Positive  discipline  trains  children  to  behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will help you channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:

 ✓  Refrain from saying “no” – There’s something about being told “no” that makes children (or adults) want to do something all the more. Instead, offer an alternative.

✓ Control  yourself  –  Children  watch  their parents. You’re modeling for them what is acceptable. If you yell, they will also. Take steps to remain calm and keep the situation from escalating.

✓ Consistency – We sometimes overlook or address behaviors based on the situation and our own energy level. This can confuse a child. Be clear and consistent with expectations.

✓ Good behavior counts – Too often we give our kids more attention when they misbehave. When we choose to ignore negative behaviors and highlight a good behavior instead, we show our kids what we truly value.

✓ Avoid bribery – When we offer our children bribes as incentives, they don’t associate good behavior as the reward itself. Help your child see that good behavior and choices bring their own rewards.

✓ Give options – There’s nothing wrong with giving your child choices. For example, if a child is fighting with their sibling, explain to them you only have enough energy to either listen to their squabble or do something fun later.

✓ Rewards   –  Incentives  can  be  powerful motivators for positive behavior.

✓  Responsibility – Trusting children to take care of certain tasks should be seen as a privilege. Responsibility is a reward in itself. When it is framed this way, children will naturally desire to behave in a positive manner to gain more responsibilities.

✓ Your attention – Giving a child your love, understanding  and  attention  is  the  best reward for them. Setting aside time every day to spend with your child is the best way to influence their lives.

KEEP IN MIND

Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time,  consistency  and  patience.  Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment, and remember a licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how to implement these methods. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.

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Legal and Financial Planning for People with Alzheimer's Disease

 

Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease

When diagnosed with a serious illness, it is important to examine legal and financial arrangements and to make plans for the future in light of the present circumstances. When someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, this process of examination and planning becomes even more important as the diagnosis is one that carries an expectation of declining mental and physical health.

While being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease is a difficult time that calls for many unexpected changes and decisions, it is of utmost importance that legal and financial planning is conducted as soon as possible. There are some legal and financial documents available that can help to ensure that one’s personal wishes, financial decisions, or end-of-life healthcare decisions are carried out, such as a will, living trust, or advance directives. Experts recommend retaining a lawyer when preparing advance planning documents.

 

Planning with a Lawyer

 

Every state has different laws, documents, forms, and resources available for legal and financial planning. Lawyers who are knowledgeable on specific state laws can help with legal and financial planning in a way that ensures the person and their family’s wishes are carried out.

 

A lawyer can assist with:

• Documenting healthcare wishes of someone when that person can no longer make such decisions
• Documenting financial management and estate planning for someone who can no longer make financial decisions

Advance Healthcare Directives

Advance directives for healthcare are documents that communicate the healthcare wishes of a person with Alzheimer’s disease so that these can be carried out even if the person can no longer make or communicate these decisions. Below are examples of documents that can be used for advance healthcare directives:

• Living Will – A living will documents your decisions on medical treatment near the end of life or if otherwise unable to make decisions on emergency treatment.
• Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare — The durable power of attorney for healthcare is the person designated to make healthcare decisions for the person with Alzheimer’s disease, when he or she can no longer do so.
• Do Not Resuscitate Order — This document instructs healthcare professionals not to resuscitate, or perform CPR, if the person’s heart stops or they stop breathing.

There may be other documents in addition to the ones mentioned above that can assist in more particular legal planning for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. It may be best to work with an attorney in preparing legal and financial planning so that documents and possible medical scenarios are not overlooked.

Advance Financial Directives

Advance directives for financial management are similar to the documents mentioned above but pertain to financial planning rather than medical. Financial and statement management documents must be created while the person with Alzheimer’s disease can still make these decisions.

Below are examples of documents commonly used in such situations:

• Will – A will documents how a person’s assets are to be distributed upon death. This can include arrangements for minors or other dependents, gifts, trusts, and funeral arrangements.
• Durable Power of Attorney for Finances — The durable power of attorney for finances is the person who is entrusted to make financial decisions on behalf of the person with Alzheimer’s disease when they no longer can do so.
• Living Trust — This document appoints a trustee to hold title to property and funds for the beneficiaries after the person with Alzheimer’s disease can no longer do so.

It is recommended that when someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, they move into legal and financial planning as quickly as possible. In some instances it may take time to implement these documents or it may be that a person’s mental health declines more rapidly than expected.

There are many variables when it comes to legal and financial planning for people with Alzheimer’s disease, which is why experts recommend moving quickly and working with an attorney.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/legal-and-financial-planning-people-alzheimers

Managing the Stress of Parenting

Being a parent provides many fulfilling and beautiful moments. Often, parenthood can encompass the majority of your schedule and is at the forefront of your mind. Occasionally, you might have more trouble coping with the responsibilities of parenting. Learning about stress can be a valuable life lesson.

Stress

Most of the time stress is easy to identify. However, sometimes you might prefer to blame how you are feeling on something else. If you are noticing any of the following symptoms, you might have a high stress level:

• Headaches, stomachaches, or chest pain/heavy chest
• Muscle tension/pain
• Fatigue, sleep problems
• Anxiety, feeling restless, feeling overwhelmed
• Irritability, anger
• Lack of motivation or focus
• Depression, sadness

Many of these symptoms can be attributed to other causes, but if you notice that you also have had a significant lifestyle change – increasing drug or alcohol use, increasing or decreasing how much you eat, are fighting more often, or are not participating in activities that you enjoy – you could be experiencing stress.

Stress is a normal reaction to environmental changes and helps to prepare the body to prioritize and act as necessary to respond to the changes. At times, stress can become constant. The changes that stress causes in the body are helpful in short bursts, but can be hurtful if prolonged, leading to high blood pressure, weight gain, heart disease, diabetes and mental health issues.

Another important side effect of your stress is the impact it has on your children. While many parents think that they can hide their stress, children are able to notice and when parents are stressed and be bothered by it. Stress can make you less understanding and more critical of your child. It can also decrease the quality of your relationship with your children. Furthermore, how you handle your stress is one of the first examples that your children have for how to handle their own stress.

Tips to Handle Stress

Even if you are not feeling the effects of stress, incorporating these tips into your family’s activities can help to prevent stress and teach healthy coping.

• Do a stress self-assessment – Increase awareness of your own habits by asking yourself how you handle stress. Do you drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes? Eat a special treat? Blow off steam by yelling? By paying attention to what choices you make when stressed, you have a firm basis for knowing what might need to be adapted.
• Take some “Me Time” – Being a parent is a 24 hour job. However, taking some time to be you and to relax and rejuvenate can make a significant difference in the quality of parenting that you can provide. Spend time with friends, read a book, go for a walk, take a bath, or re-connect with your spouse over a date night. If finding or affording a babysitter is a challenge, look into community events or gyms that offer free childcare.
• Build healthy habits – Developing a solid routine full of the fundamentals of health can prevent stress from taking over. Make sure to eat as many nutritious foods as you can and eat regularly throughout the day. It is also important to stay hydrated, get enough sleep, and get regular physical activity. Bonus: most children also respond well to consistent schedules.
• Increase quality time – Maybe it is time to say no to extracurricular activities and yes to spending a night at home with the family. Or find a creative way to build quality family time into your schedule.
• Talk – If you are feeling stressed, or notice that your child is, talk about it and help them to understand what role emotions play in life. You may also want to consider talking to a mental health professional, if your stress does not seem to be improving.

Single Parents

If you are raising children on your own, you face some unique stressors. The following tips can help to keep stress at a minimum.

• Know your budget – Financial issues can add up quickly, so keep to your budget. If you need a job or financial assistance paying for groceries or bills, contact employment agencies or local community services for assistance.
• Use support systems – Join a single parent group, keep regular contact with friends, and make connections with other community services. No one can do it totally alone and you need to find appropriate sources of support and sympathy. Your pediatrician or doctor’s office can provide helpful connections to community services if you feel like you do not know where to start.
• Plan child care – Have a list of trusted babysitters ready for any instance where you may need to go somewhere without your children.
• Use consistent discipline – Perhaps your child will be alternating between the home of each parent. Try to work together to provide as consistent a discipline method as possible.
• Talk – Provide time to allow your children to express their thoughts and feelings on any changes in the family, and talk with them – at an appropriate developmental level – to keep them in the loop.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

 

Sources

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-race-good-health/201306/4-tips-managing-parenting-stress
• https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/types-of-families/Pages/Stresses-of-Single-Parenting.aspx
• http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/managing-stress.aspx
• http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987

 

Aging Parents and Adult Children

Having an adult relationship with your parents can be both rewarding and challenging.  Some parents are overly critical, complain when you try to help, or never say “thank you.”  The challenges can become especially difficult as they continue to age.  Transitioning to a caregiving role is a major shift as the parent/child roles begin to reverse.  You must determine how to care for yourself and focus on your parent as well, and the stress of this task can strain your relationship and affect your physical and emotional wellbeing. 

The Aging Process

In many ways, aging is a grieving process.  Older adults slowly lose their independence, as their mind and body fail to function properly.  Your aging loved one may need to transition from their home to yours or another medical facility.  Try to be empathic with them and consider how you would feel if you lost control of your body.  How would you react if decisions were made about your life and future without your consent?  When you put yourself in your aging loved one’s shoes you might better understand why they are experiencing grief-like symptoms. 

 

Transition Tips for Aging Parents and Adult Children

The following guidelines provide information to help you practice good self-care and caregiving skills. 

Self-care Tips

• Care for yourself first- Caregiver stress can cause physical, emotional, and mental problems. When we don’t prioritize ourselves we limit our caregiving efforts.  It’s important to get proper rest, good nutrition, and regular exercise to maintain our optimal health.  When we feel better we’re able to enjoy our loved ones more.  Ask for help and delegate tasks to other family members if you need it.    
• No comparisons- Every adult child is different. You need to be comfortable saying “no” when you’re unable to physically or emotionally handle a responsibility.  Just because another friend caring for their parent can accomplish the task doesn’t mean it’s necessarily right for you.  Know your limitations.  Also, it’s wise to avoid comparing your relationship with your parents to other families.  Every family has its own unique challenges. 
• Understand your anxiety- Relationships with our parents can sometimes be difficult. When we’re stressed and anxious about other areas of life it’s easy to direct those emotions toward those we love most.  The more easily you can identify when you are stressed or anxious, the better equipped you’ll be to know when to handle situations with your parents.  Choose a time you’re calm and able to do your best thinking. 
• Accept a lack of recognition- It can be challenging, but it’s important to grasp you may not receive praise and thanks for taking on this responsibility. Some parents struggle deeply with change and the fear of aging, so they’re unable to express their appreciation.  It’s important to focus on why the job is important, rather than the lack of recognition.

Caregiving Tips

• Practice empathy- If your parent is experiencing chronic pain it’s difficult to be in a happy mood all the time. They may put on a front in front of others but feel comfortable to express themselves with family.  Try to understand what pains your parent is feeling as well as the physical and cognitive losses.  This can help you empathize with their moods, comments, and expressions. 
• Listen- Listening is the greatest honor you could give as it honors your parent. Be patient with them, as it might take longer to articulate their thoughts, especially their fears and stories.
  • Fears- The aging process can be scary. It’s possible your parent is experiencing rational or irrational fears.  Listening to them can calm their nerves.  Try to explain facts in a simple, non-threatening way. 
  • Repetition- Be kind toward your parent when they repeat themselves. Perhaps, you’re hearing the same childhood story for the thousandth time.  Also, if they’re struggling with technology use, remember that some tasks are extremely difficult with memory loss or degenerating eyesight.  Be patient, as you would be with a child struggling to read or tie their shoes. 
• Watch for personality changes- Cognitive difficulties can alter your parent’s personality. In addition, medication can impact personality.  It’s important to contact their physician if there are any sudden changes.  You may be accused of trying to hurt them, or they might be suspicious of you.  They could have sudden outbursts, yell, and become visibly distressed.  Try not to take these personally, as this is not the true heart of your parent. 
• Give back power- It can be easy to do certain tasks for your parent simply because you can do it faster. Things might be calmer if you give some control over to your parent, even in small areas.  Also, ask for their input about decisions that affect their life.  Giving back power, even if it’s minimal, can greatly improve your relationship.

The process of giving up control over your life isn’t easy for anyone.  However, when we’re able to walk our parents through decision-making with small changes, they are more likely to trust us with the big ones.  Ultimately, doing the right thing for your parent’s wellbeing is what matters most, to both of you.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm

 

Eldercare

The transition from independent living to assisted care can be challenging for the elderly and their caregivers, but knowing when to make that change doesn’t need to be a mystery.  It’s important to talk with your aging loved one, family members, their doctor, and other professionals before making a change in their living situation or their daily routine. 

There are a few signs that indicate a transition in housing or additional assistance might be needed.  These can include:

• Taking medication incorrectly
• Signs of physical injury
• Weight loss
• Lack of hygiene
• Increase in car accidents
• Feeling suspicious of others
• Increasingly forgetful and/or disoriented

Options for Eldercare

There are several housing and health care options for your aging loved one to smooth the transition process: 

• Staying at home- Your loved one might feel comfortable continuing to live in their original home or apartment. Or, perhaps they move to a retirement community where amenities are more convenient, but they still live on their own.  The older adult at this stage might have assistive technology to help with daily tasks, such as adapted bathtubs, phones, medical alert devices, etc.  A home health aide may come to help with medication, dressing, or other hygienic needs. 
• Assisted living- This environment feels very home-like to many older adults. Additional assistance is offered with meals, laundry and social activities.  Also, nurses and medical assistants are available to assist with medications and other basic medical care. 
• Continuing care community- Here, your aging loved one is able to move through the stages of housing. They could enter first into the independent living portion.  Then, the older adult moves to assisted living or nursing home facilities as needed.  These accommodations offer a continuum of care as they experience deterioration in health or greater needs arise.
• Skilled nursing facilities- Those who do not need to be hospitalized but still require 24-hour nursing services can benefit from this housing situation. There are also rehabilitation services available for those who are capable of returning back to independent or semi-independent living. 

Eldercare Legal Issues

It’s important to discuss end-of-life decisions before your aging loved one becomes mentally incapacitated.  An attorney can help you and the older adult talk through the legal options and responsibilities.  The following list provides some basic legal definitions that are important for you to understand:

• Durable power of attorney- When a person becomes incapacitated and can’t make major financial decisions, a durable power of attorney comes into play. This is different than a power of attorney, which is effective only when the principle person is competent.  A health care power of attorney acts as a durable power of attorney, making medical decisions when a person is incapacitated. 
• Guardianship- When the court declares someone incompetent, a guardian, or conservator, is appointed. This person manages financial affairs, makes living arrangements, and handles medical decisions.
• Living will- This is a written statement where the person gives specific directions on medical treatments after they are incapacitated. These often include what life-sustaining measures should or should not be used.  A living will also states if the person desires their medical decisions be made by the health care power of attorney. 

Planning for Caregivers

Caregiving responsibilities range in levels of involvement.  Above all, it’s important to keep communication open between your aging loved ones, family members, doctors, and yourself.  The following tips will help you plan for a successful transition to caregiving for an older adult:    

• Be honest- Having open and honest dialogue with your parents or for whomever you will be providing caring is appropriate. Ask how they would like their needs met, and listen to any concerns or worries they might have.  Recognize there could be a level of grieving your loved one experiences, as they come to terms with the aging process. 
• Make a plan- Distinguish between what is urgent and what is moderately important, and then prioritize your plan of action. Consider having an alternative option in case your loved one’s first wishes aren’t available or don’t work.  Seek out medical, legal, and financial advice as needed, and be sure to involve other family members in the planning process.  Your plan might include:
  • Housing and accommodations options, such as meal delivery, home health services, etc.
  • Medical history, physician’s contact information for the older adult, and informing the doctor as to who is serving as the health care power of attorney.
  • A contact list of your loved one’s support network such as clergy, friends, neighbors, etc.
  • Financial plans including income sources, possible liabilities, and individual net worth.
  • Legal plans outlining the location of all wills, living wills, and legal documents. Establish who is acting as the power of attorney
• Get support- Caregiving for another can take a physical and emotional toll. Start early by developing a supportive team around you.  Delegate tasks to other family members to give yourself respite and a chance to enjoy spending time with your aging loved one.

Caring for another has its challenges.  However, eldercare is a gift, both to yourself and the one in your charge.  Staying informed about the legal, medical, and emotional aspects of eldercare can help maintain a positive transition for all.    

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/caregiving-resource-center/info-08-2010/gs_new_caregivers_rules.html

Caring for an Aging Loved One

With hospital stays becoming shorter and medical costs rising, more families have to make difficult decisions about their loved ones.  The aging population is growing; and while the details may be different, caring for an aging loved one is becoming commonplace in homes around the country.  Over 65 million Americans are currently caring for a loved one.  Of those caregivers, nearly two-thirds work outside the home in addition to tending to their family member. 

Caregiver Responsibilities

Caregivers help in many areas, including grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and   administering medication.  Also, they often assist with helping a loved one bathe, eat, dress, and use the restroom, but there is much more involved than the physical care of an aging loved one.  At times, the emotional needs may be even greater.  Loss of their home, health, and/or brain function can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining to both the patient and caregiver.  There might also be communication needs, where you are functioning as the spokesperson for your loved one.  It’s essential to be mindful of yourself and your needs as a caregiver; as caregiving places unique demands on an individual and on the family unit. 

 

Involving Your Aging Loved Ones

Respecting your loved one and keeping them involved in the caregiving process is both honoring and dignifying for them.  Long-term planning regarding medical, financial, and housing situations is critical; and your aging loved one should be included in all those decisions.  

Health and medical guidance from doctors, home health aides, and physical and/or occupational therapists will serve invaluable in the transition.  You might have questions about how diseases might progress, how to make your caregiving experience easier, and how to prevent injury to yourself and aging loved one.  Researching the growing number of assistive devices can also be very helpful, as this technology can allow your loved one to assume more daily responsibility, and to enjoy greater mobility in life. 

 

Communication with Your Family

Communication in any family is tricky at times.  Maneuvering emotionally charged topics, like caregiving, can be especially difficult.  Here are some proven strategies to help guide your conversation:

• If your loved one is battling memory loss, important conversations may be more complicated. Give yourself plenty of time, be patient with your loved one(s), and remove distractions from the room. 
• Clearly convey your point of view without manipulating or coercing agreement. The recipient of care should be actively involved in the process as much as they can be. 
• Listen carefully to others’ thoughts and ideas. Communicate and show respect for their thinking, even if you disagree.
• Plan important conversations ahead of time. Outline your main points, so as not to do all the talking.  Avoid blaming anyone or attempting to “win” the argument.  Remember, an honest and honorable conversation is the goal.  

Care for the Caregiver

While the task of caregiving holds rewards like precious time and memories, it also may take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health.  You will only be able to care for another to the degree you care for yourself.  Some caregiver stress symptoms are fatigue, irritability, changes in sleep and weight, and losing interest or pleasure in activities.  Without proper attention these indicators place you at risk for depression and anxiety.  The following are some helpful strategies for dealing with caregiver stress:

• Use teamwork- Ask others where they would like to help, and let them. When family members choose their tasks they are more likely to stick with them. 
• Say goodbye to guilt- Guilt is never a helpful emotion. Not everything will be perfect, so focus on what you can do rather than the limitations.  Remember, asking for help is a sign of great strength and humility.
• Stay informed- Many nonprofit organizations offer classes about aging, dementia, and other caregiving topics.
• Keep connections- Family members may need ideas or help to figure out how to be involved. Maintain strong connections by keeping everyone informed. Don’t assume people aren’t interested if they don’t ask you for information.
• Update your doctor- Inform your doctor of your caregiving responsibilities so he or she can be on the lookout for caregiver stress indicators.
• Be healthy- Maintaining good sleep, eating, and exercise habits are necessities for you. Do not feel guilty or apologize for taking care of yourself.
• Seek support- Knowing you are not alone is vital. There are many support groups as well as individual counseling opportunities that specifically cater to caregivers.

Remember, caring for an aging loved one is a “transitional” time.  Essentially, roles are reversing as the adult child becomes the “parent,” and frustration and discomfort are common if dealing with an uncooperative family member.  While there will be bumps in the road and sacrifices to be made, the opportunity to spend this limited time with your aging loved one can be a priceless gift. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784

http://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/caregiving/agingparent.htm