by Lyle Labardee February 23, 2021
Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and strengthens relationships between you, your child and their siblings.
WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE
Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they will fall short of our behavioral expectations. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction.
Consider the following:
ACTION STEPS
Positive discipline trains children to behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will help you channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:
✓ Refrain from saying “no” – There’s something about being told “no” that makes children (or adults) want to do something all the more. Instead, offer an alternative.
✓ Control yourself – Children watch their parents. You’re modeling for them what is acceptable. If you yell, they will also. Take steps to remain calm and keep the situation from escalating.
✓ Consistency – We sometimes overlook or address behaviors based on the situation and our own energy level. This can confuse a child. Be clear and consistent with expectations.
✓ Good behavior counts – Too often we give our kids more attention when they misbehave. When we choose to ignore negative behaviors and highlight a good behavior instead, we show our kids what we truly value.
✓ Avoid bribery – When we offer our children bribes as incentives, they don’t associate good behavior as the reward itself. Help your child see that good behavior and choices bring their own rewards.
✓ Give options – There’s nothing wrong with giving your child choices. For example, if a child is fighting with their sibling, explain to them you only have enough energy to either listen to their squabble or do something fun later.
✓ Rewards – Incentives can be powerful motivators for positive behavior.
✓ Responsibility – Trusting children to take care of certain tasks should be seen as a privilege. Responsibility is a reward in itself. When it is framed this way, children will naturally desire to behave in a positive manner to gain more responsibilities.
✓ Your attention – Giving a child your love, understanding and attention is the best reward for them. Setting aside time every day to spend with your child is the best way to influence their lives.
KEEP IN MIND
Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time, consistency and patience. Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment, and remember a licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how to implement these methods. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.
Want to talk to a counselor today about this?
by Ani Kazarian April 05, 2020
Legal and Financial Planning for People with Alzheimer's Disease
Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease
When diagnosed with a serious illness, it is important to examine legal and financial arrangements and to make plans for the future in light of the present circumstances. When someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, this process of examination and planning becomes even more important as the diagnosis is one that carries an expectation of declining mental and physical health.
While being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease is a difficult time that calls for many unexpected changes and decisions, it is of utmost importance that legal and financial planning is conducted as soon as possible. There are some legal and financial documents available that can help to ensure that one’s personal wishes, financial decisions, or end-of-life healthcare decisions are carried out, such as a will, living trust, or advance directives. Experts recommend retaining a lawyer when preparing advance planning documents.
Planning with a Lawyer
Every state has different laws, documents, forms, and resources available for legal and financial planning. Lawyers who are knowledgeable on specific state laws can help with legal and financial planning in a way that ensures the person and their family’s wishes are carried out.
A lawyer can assist with:
Advance Healthcare Directives
Advance directives for healthcare are documents that communicate the healthcare wishes of a person with Alzheimer’s disease so that these can be carried out even if the person can no longer make or communicate these decisions. Below are examples of documents that can be used for advance healthcare directives:
There may be other documents in addition to the ones mentioned above that can assist in more particular legal planning for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. It may be best to work with an attorney in preparing legal and financial planning so that documents and possible medical scenarios are not overlooked.
Advance Financial Directives
Advance directives for financial management are similar to the documents mentioned above but pertain to financial planning rather than medical. Financial and statement management documents must be created while the person with Alzheimer’s disease can still make these decisions.
Below are examples of documents commonly used in such situations:
It is recommended that when someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, they move into legal and financial planning as quickly as possible. In some instances it may take time to implement these documents or it may be that a person’s mental health declines more rapidly than expected.
There are many variables when it comes to legal and financial planning for people with Alzheimer’s disease, which is why experts recommend moving quickly and working with an attorney.
Sources:
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/legal-and-financial-planning-people-alzheimers
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Managing the Stress of Parenting
Being a parent provides many fulfilling and beautiful moments. Often, parenthood can encompass the majority of your schedule and is at the forefront of your mind. Occasionally, you might have more trouble coping with the responsibilities of parenting. Learning about stress can be a valuable life lesson.
Stress
Most of the time stress is easy to identify. However, sometimes you might prefer to blame how you are feeling on something else. If you are noticing any of the following symptoms, you might have a high stress level:
Many of these symptoms can be attributed to other causes, but if you notice that you also have had a significant lifestyle change – increasing drug or alcohol use, increasing or decreasing how much you eat, are fighting more often, or are not participating in activities that you enjoy – you could be experiencing stress.
Stress is a normal reaction to environmental changes and helps to prepare the body to prioritize and act as necessary to respond to the changes. At times, stress can become constant. The changes that stress causes in the body are helpful in short bursts, but can be hurtful if prolonged, leading to high blood pressure, weight gain, heart disease, diabetes and mental health issues.
Another important side effect of your stress is the impact it has on your children. While many parents think that they can hide their stress, children are able to notice and when parents are stressed and be bothered by it. Stress can make you less understanding and more critical of your child. It can also decrease the quality of your relationship with your children. Furthermore, how you handle your stress is one of the first examples that your children have for how to handle their own stress.
Tips to Handle Stress
Even if you are not feeling the effects of stress, incorporating these tips into your family’s activities can help to prevent stress and teach healthy coping.
Single Parents
If you are raising children on your own, you face some unique stressors. The following tips can help to keep stress at a minimum.
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Aging Parents and Adult Children
Having an adult relationship with your parents can be both rewarding and challenging. Some parents are overly critical, complain when you try to help, or never say “thank you.” The challenges can become especially difficult as they continue to age. Transitioning to a caregiving role is a major shift as the parent/child roles begin to reverse. You must determine how to care for yourself and focus on your parent as well, and the stress of this task can strain your relationship and affect your physical and emotional wellbeing.
The Aging Process
In many ways, aging is a grieving process. Older adults slowly lose their independence, as their mind and body fail to function properly. Your aging loved one may need to transition from their home to yours or another medical facility. Try to be empathic with them and consider how you would feel if you lost control of your body. How would you react if decisions were made about your life and future without your consent? When you put yourself in your aging loved one’s shoes you might better understand why they are experiencing grief-like symptoms.
Transition Tips for Aging Parents and Adult Children
The following guidelines provide information to help you practice good self-care and caregiving skills.
Self-care Tips
Caregiving Tips
The process of giving up control over your life isn’t easy for anyone. However, when we’re able to walk our parents through decision-making with small changes, they are more likely to trust us with the big ones. Ultimately, doing the right thing for your parent’s wellbeing is what matters most, to both of you.
Sources:
http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Eldercare
The transition from independent living to assisted care can be challenging for the elderly and their caregivers, but knowing when to make that change doesn’t need to be a mystery. It’s important to talk with your aging loved one, family members, their doctor, and other professionals before making a change in their living situation or their daily routine.
There are a few signs that indicate a transition in housing or additional assistance might be needed. These can include:
Options for Eldercare
There are several housing and health care options for your aging loved one to smooth the transition process:
Eldercare Legal Issues
It’s important to discuss end-of-life decisions before your aging loved one becomes mentally incapacitated. An attorney can help you and the older adult talk through the legal options and responsibilities. The following list provides some basic legal definitions that are important for you to understand:
Planning for Caregivers
Caregiving responsibilities range in levels of involvement. Above all, it’s important to keep communication open between your aging loved ones, family members, doctors, and yourself. The following tips will help you plan for a successful transition to caregiving for an older adult:
Caring for another has its challenges. However, eldercare is a gift, both to yourself and the one in your charge. Staying informed about the legal, medical, and emotional aspects of eldercare can help maintain a positive transition for all.
Sources:
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Caring for an Aging Loved One
With hospital stays becoming shorter and medical costs rising, more families have to make difficult decisions about their loved ones. The aging population is growing; and while the details may be different, caring for an aging loved one is becoming commonplace in homes around the country. Over 65 million Americans are currently caring for a loved one. Of those caregivers, nearly two-thirds work outside the home in addition to tending to their family member.
Caregiver Responsibilities
Caregivers help in many areas, including grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and administering medication. Also, they often assist with helping a loved one bathe, eat, dress, and use the restroom, but there is much more involved than the physical care of an aging loved one. At times, the emotional needs may be even greater. Loss of their home, health, and/or brain function can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining to both the patient and caregiver. There might also be communication needs, where you are functioning as the spokesperson for your loved one. It’s essential to be mindful of yourself and your needs as a caregiver; as caregiving places unique demands on an individual and on the family unit.
Involving Your Aging Loved Ones
Respecting your loved one and keeping them involved in the caregiving process is both honoring and dignifying for them. Long-term planning regarding medical, financial, and housing situations is critical; and your aging loved one should be included in all those decisions.
Health and medical guidance from doctors, home health aides, and physical and/or occupational therapists will serve invaluable in the transition. You might have questions about how diseases might progress, how to make your caregiving experience easier, and how to prevent injury to yourself and aging loved one. Researching the growing number of assistive devices can also be very helpful, as this technology can allow your loved one to assume more daily responsibility, and to enjoy greater mobility in life.
Communication with Your Family
Communication in any family is tricky at times. Maneuvering emotionally charged topics, like caregiving, can be especially difficult. Here are some proven strategies to help guide your conversation:
Care for the Caregiver
While the task of caregiving holds rewards like precious time and memories, it also may take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health. You will only be able to care for another to the degree you care for yourself. Some caregiver stress symptoms are fatigue, irritability, changes in sleep and weight, and losing interest or pleasure in activities. Without proper attention these indicators place you at risk for depression and anxiety. The following are some helpful strategies for dealing with caregiver stress:
Remember, caring for an aging loved one is a “transitional” time. Essentially, roles are reversing as the adult child becomes the “parent,” and frustration and discomfort are common if dealing with an uncooperative family member. While there will be bumps in the road and sacrifices to be made, the opportunity to spend this limited time with your aging loved one can be a priceless gift.
Sources:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784
http://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/caregiving/agingparent.htm
Historic Counseling Center
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Byron Center, MI 49315
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