single-parenting

“AMA policy adopted last year identifies loneliness as a public health issue that affects people of all ages.” ~ American Medical Association

February is the month of love and connection. But what if you don’t feel connected? In a January 2020 (pre-lockdown) survey of 10,000 adults, 61% said they were lonely. And loneliness is more than just a mental health issue. It’s been linked to increased heart problems, stroke, and other medical issues. 

According to psychiatrist Dr. Tiffani Bell Washington, MD, MPH, “Loneliness is essentially the feeling of being uncomfortable or in distress when someone feels that there is a gap between the connection they would like and the connection they actually have... You can be in a crowd full of people, you can know all of them, and you can still feel lonely.” 

She added that superficial social connections, no matter how many, don’t really decrease loneliness. “What you really want is something deeper—someone to know you on the inside,” she said. “It's really based on perception of the difference between the relationship you'd like and the relationship that you have with others.”

Types of Loneliness

Loneliness and social isolation are two sides to the same coin. As stated above, a person can be lonely in a crowd. But many people are also at risk for social isolation. These include marginalized populations, older people, and those in remote areas. Either way, the lack of connection to others is detrimental because humans are hard-wired for connection. 

How to Combat Loneliness

When it comes to “fixing” the problem of loneliness, there are two major things to consider: connection with others and connection with ourselves (being content while alone). 

Connecting with others doesn’t have to mean going to crowded places or attending parties every week. Since we long for others who really “get” us, it’s helpful to find those who share our interests, values, and backgrounds. Writers, for example, tend to work in isolation. As a profession, they are often considered introverts. But attending writer’s conferences and joining writer’s groups—either locally or online, offers connection for people who share similar interests and who often view life in comparable ways.

Ways to Connect with Others

• Consider your interests and hobbies, and find groups who share those. If you live in a remote area, find an online group that meets online. 

• Join a community or volunteer organization. Look for someone else who looks lonely and befriend them. 

• Take your lunch to a park or other place and people watch. Even if you don’t talk to anyone, just being around other humans can help you feel less lonely. 

• Find creative ways to connect. If you live far from family and friends, set up online appointments to meet for coffee, dinner, online games, or even watch a movie or sporting event. You can use these to join birthday parties and holiday gatherings too.

• Make a large group smaller. If you’re already in a large group that makes you feel lonely, invite a few people you have something in common with and start a group within a group. This can be a study group, a book club, a dinner club, or anything else that brings a deeper connection.   

Ways to Connect with Yourself (Hint: Self-Care!)

• Learn to relish your alone time. Schedule appointments with yourself to do things you really want to do, that you need to do alone, anyway. Get a massage or a facial. Take a bubble bath. Turn on some of your favorite music, light a candle, read a novel. 

• Reorganize or redecorate a room in your home. 

• Start a new hobby. YouTube is an excellent resource for learning to paint, play guitar, garden, or just about anything else you might be interested in. 

• Go outside. Talk a walk or a jog in a park or around your neighborhood, or simply enjoy a cup of tea while you listen to birdsong. 

• Talk to yourself. Tell yourself the things you’d say to your best friend, if they were feeling disconnected. Remind yourself that you’re amazing, interesting, intelligent, and fun. Do this every day—out loud or in your head. 

Several studies link loneliness with depression, immune suppression, and other health problems. If you’re feeling lonely, it’s important to combat the issue in any way you can. Sometimes you can do all the right things and the loneliness persists. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can help you explore ways to bridge the gap between the connections you want and the connections you have. You are worth the effort.

 

“Balance is not something you find; it’s something you create.”— Jana Kingsford, Time Management Author

When we think of the good ol’ days, we often cast a rosy hue on what once was. But when it comes to work/life balance, chances are our parents didn’t have a great one. It helped that they also didn’t have cell phones, internet, or social media, so when they were not at work, they may have been more mindfully engaged in the present. But they also lived in a world where working long hours was a sign of dedication and success. 

Now we know better. Research has shown, many times over, that productivity is not tied to the number of hours you sit at your desk. The truth is, the more time we spend at work, or thinking about work, the more likely we are to get burned out. Burnout leads to lower productivity, less job satisfaction, and increased health risks. A better work/life balance leads to improved efficiency and better overall health. If you’re wondering where to start, we’ve got you covered. 

How Do Life and Work Get Out of Balance? 

A first step is to identify things that may cause an imbalance. 

• Working long hours or working a lot of overtime. It’s important to disengage from work. That’s hard to do if you’re working all (or most of) the time.
• Little choice in work hours or not being able to take off when you need to. While most jobs have scheduling requirements, a rigid schedule without the choice for flexibility leads to stress and resentment.
• High-pressure, high-stress jobs. Some jobs come with higher levels of stress, such as the medical profession, law enforcement, and teaching. For these kinds of jobs, the ability to leave work behind and relax is crucial. 
• Unreasonable expectations. Whether these are self-imposed or come from your boss, this can lead to chronic stress. 

Ideas to Help Improve Work/Life Balance 

Once you name the reasons your work/life scale may be tipped too much to one side, it’s time to take a practical look at how you can make positive changes. 

Consider your personal and professional goals, and figure out what you must do to achieve those. If you want to grow professionally, set boundaries to make that happen. For example, spend x hours a month on professional development. If you want to spend more time with loved ones or pursue a hobby, set boundaries for those things. Boundaries are meant to protect. They draw lines so other things don’t encroach on that time and space. 

1. Learn to set boundaries. Set boundaries for others and let them know when they can expect you to respond to texts and emails and when you won’t be checking or responding. Set boundaries for yourself. Unless you’re on call, leave your work at work. It will be there when you get back. 
   
   
2. Tackle things in order of importance. Do your most important or most dreaded task first. If you can’t finish it, set a specific amount of time you’ll work on it, then move to the next item on your list. 

Delegate. Do what you need to do, and delegate tasks where you can.  

1. Think in terms of outcome, not office hours. Do your job and do it well. When it’s done, go home or log out if you can. If your job doesn’t allow you to do that, take some extra breaks. If your work is already done, you’ve earned it. 
   
   
2. Prioritize your health (both mental and physical). Use your breaks to take walks, listen to relaxing music, journal, or work on an office-friendly hobby.  When you leave each day, reward yourself with something that supports your overall wellness.
   
   
3. Put yourself—and your family—on the schedule. Those we love most often get put at the bottom of the list. Don’t do that! Make appointments to spend time enjoying the important people in your life.
   
   
4. Get away. Take a vacation (or staycation). You’ve earned your paid time off, so use it!

Achieving a healthy work/life balance can prevent burnout, chronic stress, and a load of health issues. No one ever looks back at their lives and wishes they’d spent more time at the office. When you get to the end of the year or the end of your days, you probably won’t regret time spent supporting joy, fun, and loving relationships.