single-parenting

“Balance is not something you find; it’s something you create.”— Jana Kingsford, Time Management Author

When we think of the good ol’ days, we often cast a rosy hue on what once was. But when it comes to work/life balance, chances are our parents didn’t have a great one. It helped that they also didn’t have cell phones, internet, or social media, so when they were not at work, they may have been more mindfully engaged in the present. But they also lived in a world where working long hours was a sign of dedication and success. 

Now we know better. Research has shown, many times over, that productivity is not tied to the number of hours you sit at your desk. The truth is, the more time we spend at work, or thinking about work, the more likely we are to get burned out. Burnout leads to lower productivity, less job satisfaction, and increased health risks. A better work/life balance leads to improved efficiency and better overall health. If you’re wondering where to start, we’ve got you covered. 

How Do Life and Work Get Out of Balance? 

A first step is to identify things that may cause an imbalance. 

• Working long hours or working a lot of overtime. It’s important to disengage from work. That’s hard to do if you’re working all (or most of) the time.
• Little choice in work hours or not being able to take off when you need to. While most jobs have scheduling requirements, a rigid schedule without the choice for flexibility leads to stress and resentment.
• High-pressure, high-stress jobs. Some jobs come with higher levels of stress, such as the medical profession, law enforcement, and teaching. For these kinds of jobs, the ability to leave work behind and relax is crucial. 
• Unreasonable expectations. Whether these are self-imposed or come from your boss, this can lead to chronic stress. 

Ideas to Help Improve Work/Life Balance 

Once you name the reasons your work/life scale may be tipped too much to one side, it’s time to take a practical look at how you can make positive changes. 

Consider your personal and professional goals, and figure out what you must do to achieve those. If you want to grow professionally, set boundaries to make that happen. For example, spend x hours a month on professional development. If you want to spend more time with loved ones or pursuing a hobby, set boundaries for those things. Boundaries are meant to protect. They draw lines so other things don’t encroach on that time and space. 

1. Learn to set boundaries. Set boundaries for others and let them know when they can expect you to respond to texts and emails and when you won’t be checking or responding. Set boundaries for yourself. Unless you’re on call, leave your work at work. It will be there when you get back. 

1. Tackle things in order of importance. Do your most important or most dreaded task first. If you can’t finish it, set a specific amount of time you’ll work on it, then move to the next item on your list. 

Delegate. Do what you need to do, and delegate tasks where you can.  

1. Think in terms of outcome, not office hours. Do your job and do it well. When it’s done, go home or log out if you can. If your job doesn’t allow you to do that, take some extra breaks. If your work is already done, you’ve earned it. 

1. Prioritize your health (both mental and physical). Use your breaks to take walks, listen to relaxing music, journal, or work on an office-friendly hobby.  When you leave each day, reward yourself with something that supports your overall wellness. 

1. Put yourself—and your family—on the schedule. Those we love most often get put at the bottom of the list. Don’t do that! Make appointments to spend time enjoying the important people in your life. 

1. Get away. Take a vacation (or staycation). You’ve earned your paid time off, so use it!

Achieving a healthy work/life balance can prevent burnout, chronic stress, and a load of health issues. No one ever looks back at their lives and wishes they’d spent more time at the office. When you get to the end of the year or the end of your days, you probably won’t regret time spent supporting joy, fun, and loving relationships.

Successful Single Parenting

Households where one parent is managing the family without another present are becoming increasingly common.  In the United States, the number of single parent families has doubled in the past 25 years.  There are many reasons for single parenting.  Some examples are the death of a spouse or partner, when two partners chose not to marry and only one raises the children, or when one parent is away for a period of time (military service, extended long-distance business, illness, incarceration, etc.). 

Unique Single Parent Family Challenges

There may be challenges and drawbacks specific to single parent families.  These can affect relationships, emotions, physical health and finances.  Single parents may:

• Help children cope with the loss or absence of the other parent
• Help children deal with past or present conflict between parents
• Handle custody and visitation issues
• Have less access to healthcare
• Experience less time with their children
• Struggle with financial resources

Single Parenting Strategies

Single parents and their children can grow up to be healthy, happy, and successful.  The following relational, communication, and personal tips can help single parent homes flourish:

 

Relational

• Support team- Single parents who isolate themselves and try to do it alone feel overwhelmed. Involve your friends, extended family, and other community members in your life and your child’s life.
• Asking for help- When you do need help, try and be specific in your requests. For example, if you need an hour to go to the gym or run to the store, ask for it.  Many times people want to help but don’t know how.  They might end up doing very little or nothing unless you ask for their involvement. 
• Child care- Finding quality childcare is a top priority. You should never ask a stranger or someone you barely know to watch your children.  Likewise, it’s best to avoid enlisting your oldest child to watch the younger ones.  
• Role models- Look for positive role models who are the same gender as the missing or absent parent. Avoid sharing negative stereotypes about men or women.  For example, “All men are liars, just like your father,” or “Women are money-hungry, like your mother.”

Communication

• Reassurance- The fear of abandonment is common for children when one parent is uninvolved or has died. Remind your children you will always be there for them and that you will never stop loving them.
• Open dialogue- Keep the doors of communication open. Children should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts regarding family and nonfamily issues. 
• No messengers- If your child does have contact or interaction with their other parent, never use him or her as a messenger. Avoid criticizing or complaining about your ex in front of your children. 

Personal

• Stay present- Do your best to avoid living in the past. Focusing on what “could have been,” past mistakes, or your relationship with an ex will not help.  Bitterness, anger, and resentment will only distract you and possibly model unhealthy emotions for your children.  
• Guilt- Worrying about how a single parent home will impact your child or about the extras you can’t provide won’t help. No amount of toys, clothes, or technology could replace your love.  Guilt is never a useful emotion.  Instead, focus on what you do have and how you can keep your child happy and healthy.  Spending time with your children is the most valuable thing you can give. 
• Goals and dreams- Motivated people are happier people and make better parents. Don’t give up on your personal goals and dreams.  Whether it’s finding a few minutes a day for your favorite hobby or continuing your education, pursuing your dreams will improve your life and help you be a role model for your child.
• Routine and traditions- Establishing new traditions and routines provide stability for your children. Holidays and special traditions give each family member ownership and events to look forward to throughout the year.  These can be as simple as a special plate at meal times or a favorite story at bedtime.
• Re-prioritize- Don’t beat yourself up about every aspect of parenting. You may not be able to cook every meal or maintain a spotless house.  Being a parent means readjusting your priorities.  Spending time with your children and taking care of yourself should outweigh other details. 
• Dating- Should you choose to date, consider waiting to introduce your children until you’ve established a solid relationship. The person should respect both you and your children.  Sometimes children need time before they warm up and trust a new person you’re dating. 

Finally, being a single parent doesn’t exclude you from taking care of yourself.  Keep yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy to the best of your ability.  You can’t be completely available to your children if you’re not getting proper rest, good nutrition, and regular exercise. When you engage in activities that give you energy and bring you joy, you model the self-compassion that will help you and your children succeed in life. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.wpen.net/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/childrens-health/in-depth/single-parent/art-20046774