anxiety

“Balance is not something you find; it’s something you create.”— Jana Kingsford, Time Management Author

When we think of the good ol’ days, we often cast a rosy hue on what once was. But when it comes to work/life balance, chances are our parents didn’t have a great one. It helped that they also didn’t have cell phones, internet, or social media, so when they were not at work, they may have been more mindfully engaged in the present. But they also lived in a world where working long hours was a sign of dedication and success. 

Now we know better. Research has shown, many times over, that productivity is not tied to the number of hours you sit at your desk. The truth is, the more time we spend at work, or thinking about work, the more likely we are to get burned out. Burnout leads to lower productivity, less job satisfaction, and increased health risks. A better work/life balance leads to improved efficiency and better overall health. If you’re wondering where to start, we’ve got you covered. 

How Do Life and Work Get Out of Balance? 

A first step is to identify things that may cause an imbalance. 

• Working long hours or working a lot of overtime. It’s important to disengage from work. That’s hard to do if you’re working all (or most of) the time.
• Little choice in work hours or not being able to take off when you need to. While most jobs have scheduling requirements, a rigid schedule without the choice for flexibility leads to stress and resentment.
• High-pressure, high-stress jobs. Some jobs come with higher levels of stress, such as the medical profession, law enforcement, and teaching. For these kinds of jobs, the ability to leave work behind and relax is crucial. 
• Unreasonable expectations. Whether these are self-imposed or come from your boss, this can lead to chronic stress. 

Ideas to Help Improve Work/Life Balance 

Once you name the reasons your work/life scale may be tipped too much to one side, it’s time to take a practical look at how you can make positive changes. 

Consider your personal and professional goals, and figure out what you must do to achieve those. If you want to grow professionally, set boundaries to make that happen. For example, spend x hours a month on professional development. If you want to spend more time with loved ones or pursuing a hobby, set boundaries for those things. Boundaries are meant to protect. They draw lines so other things don’t encroach on that time and space. 

1. Learn to set boundaries. Set boundaries for others and let them know when they can expect you to respond to texts and emails and when you won’t be checking or responding. Set boundaries for yourself. Unless you’re on call, leave your work at work. It will be there when you get back. 

1. Tackle things in order of importance. Do your most important or most dreaded task first. If you can’t finish it, set a specific amount of time you’ll work on it, then move to the next item on your list. 

Delegate. Do what you need to do, and delegate tasks where you can.  

1. Think in terms of outcome, not office hours. Do your job and do it well. When it’s done, go home or log out if you can. If your job doesn’t allow you to do that, take some extra breaks. If your work is already done, you’ve earned it. 

1. Prioritize your health (both mental and physical). Use your breaks to take walks, listen to relaxing music, journal, or work on an office-friendly hobby.  When you leave each day, reward yourself with something that supports your overall wellness. 

1. Put yourself—and your family—on the schedule. Those we love most often get put at the bottom of the list. Don’t do that! Make appointments to spend time enjoying the important people in your life. 

1. Get away. Take a vacation (or staycation). You’ve earned your paid time off, so use it!

Achieving a healthy work/life balance can prevent burnout, chronic stress, and a load of health issues. No one ever looks back at their lives and wishes they’d spent more time at the office. When you get to the end of the year or the end of your days, you probably won’t regret time spent supporting joy, fun, and loving relationships.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are often spent with extended family—which can bring stress by itself. Add in the recent emotionally charged election and the divisiveness it’s caused, and this year’s holiday dinners have leveled up. 

In today’s political climate, people are moving away from politely expressing a differing view while respecting others’ opinions. Oftentimes, they’re not willing to keep the topic off the table, have an open discussion, or even remain civil. Where relationships might’ve been prioritized over political views in the past, lines have now been drawn in the sand. People have unfollowed others on social media, cancelled events, and shut down relationships with family and friends. 

It's not surprising that even the thought of coming together to share a meal can cause dread, tension, and anxiety over potential conflict. Even if you think you know someone well, you can’t always predict how they’ll react. And you can’t change them. But you can change the way you respond. Check out the strategies below to help you survive this year’s holiday dinners. 

Strategies to Survive Your Holiday Dinner

Set boundaries before and during the event. If you’re the host, send a text or an email to request that guests avoid polarizing topics. Politely remind them again as you sit down to dinner. If you’re the guest, decide ahead of time what you will and will not endure. If things get too much for you, excuse yourself as politely as possible, tell everyone you love them, wish them a happy holiday, and explain that you’re not feeling well and have to leave. 

Shift the Focus. When conversations veer into iffy territory, redirect. Ask lots of questions. People love to talk about themselves and their thoughts. The more questions you ask, the more you control the narrative. Tell a joke. Have a couple of corny “dad” jokes ready. When things get awkward, save the day with humor. Groans are better than heated stares. Suggest playing a game or watching a movie. 

Take a break. Scope out a place to decompress before you need it. Politely excuse yourself. Spend a few minutes scrolling through social media, watching funny cat videos, or listening to your favorite music. Take some deep breaths. 

Limit your time. It’s better to stay for an hour or two and leave on a good note. 

Strategies for What to Say to Avoid Political Conversation

• When you want to change the subject. “Can I interrupt? We need to talk about XYZ.” This approach changes the topic and gives you a way out. 

• When you want to disagree. “My opinion is different, but you make an interesting point.” This is a respectful way to disagree that also lets others feel heard. 

• When you need a break. “This isn’t something I want to talk about right now. Can we talk about X?” Most people will at least think about not pushing back once you’ve clearly stated you want to talk about something else. 

• When you feel uncomfortable. “For personal reasons, I’d rather not discuss this. Mind if we ditch this topic?” By being direct and honest, you can state your feelings without it being awkward.”

• When you’re stressed and need to shut a conversation down. “I respectfully disagree and think it would be best if we didn’t talk about it anymore.” This gives calm and respectful feedback while making your views clear.

• When someone gets emotional. “I see you feel strongly about this. I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?” When you say what’s happening for you personally, you can move forward in a way that’s respectful to both of you.

8 Strategies to Handle Conflict When It Arises

• Stay calm and civil. Getting angry, calling names, villainizing people, yelling, or arguing only escalates conflict. When you calmly respond to someone, they’re more likely to hear your viewpoint. 

• Agree to disagree. People see the same event from different viewpoints. Sometimes, it’s enough to acknowledge that it’s okay not to agree. 

• Separate people from their opinions. You can still care about and respect someone if their beliefs and choices differ from yours. 

• Acknowledge and validate both of your fears, anxieties, and anger, and focus on the relationship rather than the conflict.   

• Listen actively. Active listening communicates someone’s worth and helps you understand the thoughts, feelings, and emotions behind what they’re saying. Try to hear the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind their message so you can “walk a few blocks in their shoes.” 

• Know your message. If possible, consider your own emotions and thoughts before a conflict occurs. Decide how you can best communicate your needs, interests, values, and principles ahead of time so you’re prepared to respond in a calm, respectful manner. 

• Use defusing speech and body language. 

• Choose “I” instead of “you” statements. Focus on the actual conflict instead of how you’re reacting to it. (“I feel frustrated when you tell me what my opinion should be.”)

• Avoid triggers. Stay away from exaggerated words (always or never), emotionally charged words, and aggressive nonverbal language (crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, pointing a finger, getting into someone’s personal space).

Keep in Mind

If you’re the one who wants to talk politics, be sensitive, and respectful. Try saying, “I’d like to hear your thoughts on X. Is that something you’d be interested in discussing with me?” Asking for permission gives others the opportunity to participate or to opt out of a discussion.

You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. Remember to be the person you wish everyone else was. Show grace and compassion. Treat others the way you want to be treated. And if the tension becomes too much, it’s okay to walk away.

Anxiety   disorders   affect   over   40   million Americans,   interfering   with   daily   activities. Many of these disorders involve panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of intense terror that peak quickly.

ANXIETY DISORDER SYMPTOMS

Experiencing  anxiety  for  a  short  period,  such as before a big exam or a major event, doesn’t necessarily mean you have an anxiety disorder. You  must  be  symptomatic  for  a  minimum  of six months. The following are common anxiety disorder symptoms:

• A sense of danger or panic
• Increased heart rate
• Feeling nervous or powerless
• Rapid breathing or hyperventilation
• Feeling tired
• Trembling
• Sweating
• Difficulty concentrating

TYPES OF ANXIETY DISORDERS

There are several types of anxiety disorders and each person experiences the disorder somewhat differently. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) classifies the most common forms of anxiety disorders as follows:

• Separation Anxiety Disorder occurs when a child feels extreme anxiety due to a parent’s absence.
  
  
• Social Anxiety Disorder describes someone feeling intense anxiety in social situations. These  emotions  are  triggered  by  fear  of embarrassment or self-consciousness about how others view them.
  
  
• Panic Disorder involves experiencing repeated   instances   of   intense   terror, resulting in panic attacks.
  
  
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) affects  people  with  persistent,  upsetting thoughts called obsessions.
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder involves experiencing consistent and excessive worry about events, health, relationships, work, etc.
  
  
• Agoraphobia occurs when a person feels anxiety and thus avoids locations where they might feel trapped or out of control.
  
  
• Specific phobias can prompt a panic attack. Typically, a person tries to avoid a particular situation or object related to the phobia.

 

ACTION STEPS

 

Diagnosing and living with an anxiety disorder is a journey. However, these helpful first steps can guide you along the way:

✓ Schedule an appointment for a check-up with your primary care provider.

✓ Talk with your health care providers about treatment options.

✓ Adhere  to  medication  and  treatment regimens prescribed by your doctor.

✓  Seek out individual counseling or support groups.

✓ Connect with those who will support and encourage you.

✓  Practice positive coping skills, like taking a walk or meditating.

 

KEEP IN MIND

 

Remember,  an  anxiety  disorder  does  not define you, nor does it comprise the whole of your life. Consider reaching out to your health care provider and engaging other counseling resources for guidance on next steps.

 

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