Violence

Individuals with threatening, intimidating and negative personality traits undermine relationships, households and organizations. Individuals all around us have their own unique personalities. Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, emotionally abusive and even aggressive. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally, and enables us to help create a safe and productive environment for others.

Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:

 

• Hostile people – These individuals are often abusive and intimidating, finding pleasure in the fear they create.  They enjoy reacting, so they’ll wait for others to challenge them.
  
  
• Narcissistic people –  These  individuals  are interested in being the center of attention as often as possible.  They want to look like the expert who can do everything better than you.
  
  
• Passive-aggressive people – These individuals are  sly  and  cunning  when  they  undercut authority. They will insult people in a sarcastic way and claim they are just joking.
  
  
• Negative people – People with this personality trait distrust anyone in power or authority. They are the only ones who know the right way and can find a downside to anything.
  
  
• Antisocial people – These individuals resist attempts to be engaged socially, making it impossible to know what they are thinking or doing.  Antisocial people typically distrust others and assume everyone is against them.

 

ACTION STEPS

 

When interacting with hostile people:

✓  Find ways for them to let off steam and calm down without becoming abusive.

✓  Address them by name, and calmly state what you want to discuss.

✓  Set boundaries and avoid engaging them in front of an audience. 

 

When interacting with narcissistic people:

✓  Refuse to argue or act like you know more than they do.

✓  Explain  that  you  would  like  to  use  your knowledge too.

 

✓  Set   clear   boundaries,   expectations   and consequences.

 

When interacting with passive-aggressive people:

 

✓  Focus on the issue, not the person, and limit potential for personalizing.

✓  Meet with the individual in private or with one of your managerial peers.

✓  Let them know you will not tolerate their sarcasm and undercutting. 

 

When interacting with negative people:

✓ Focus on the facts of a situation and what needs to happen next.

✓  Avoid  engaging  in  discussion  or debate about possible solutions.

✓  Instead, ask them what would be different if the problem was solved.

When interacting with antisocial people:

✓ Use  open-ended  questions  when  you speak to them and engage them.

✓  Be comfortable with silence and wait for them to respond.

✓  Build rapport casually rather than engaging intensely too quickly.

 

KEEP IN MIND

 

Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort, and it can be frustrating and discouraging. Remember, you’re not alone when it comes to figuring out how to work with those who have some of these traits. Consider engaging a life coach or counselor for guidance on next steps.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Bullying in the Workplace

Everyone is entitled to the basic right of human dignity in the workplace.  Yet every day, there are instances of workplace bullying. Bullying occurs when individuals or a group intimidate, shame, embarrass, or undercut another employee, causing harm to the employee.   This behavior can be a combination of aggressive acts over a period of time; presenting a risk to the employee’s health, work performance, and safety.  

When people are given power they can be tempted to misuse it, making others feel helpless.  Employers aren’t the only ones who bully.  Most workplace bullying is peer-to-peer, rather than supervisor-to-employee.  Coworkers, consultants, and labor representatives can also intimidate; and sometimes a group of employees will target another in a behavior known as “mobbing.”  Some examples of workplace bullying include:

• Excessive criticism
• Blaming people without gathering facts
• Being singled out in or excluded from group or activities
• Unfair deadlines or amounts of work
• Being the subject of humiliation
• Use of foul or offensive language and shouting

Bullying Versus Harassment

Though bullying and harassment both take place in the workplace, they are very different.  Harassment is the illegal discrimination of a person’s protected class, such as their gender, race, disability status, etc.  Workplace bullying is not considered illegal; and it’s important to be clear about what bullying is and is not.  An employer or boss can be tough, while still respecting the rights and thoughts of others.  Being firm does not equal bullying in the workplace.   

 

Corporate Bullying

There are times when bullying is embedded and accepted in the workplace culture.  This is known as institutional, or corporate, bullying.  In these instances, employers will have unrealistic expectations and deadlines for employees.  They might ignore employee complaints of stress due to workload.  Also, rewards or encouragement are given to bullying coworkers.  This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported to human resources, because when you fail to address the problem, you might be contributing to it. 

 

Negative Effects of Bullying

Workplace bullying hurts both the individual and the entire organization, and there can be negative physical, emotional, and social effects.  Individuals might face increased sick days, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, low self-esteem, depression symptoms, and problems with finances and family life.  The company as a whole can also experience negative side effects to bullying, such as a marred reputation, legal costs, low morale, staff changes, a loss of productivity, and replacement and training costs to bring in new staff.

 

Workplace Bullying Solutions

What can you do to help solve and prevent bullying in your workplace?  The following suggestions for the individual and the employer offer helpful tools to promote a safe working environment for all:

           

For the bullied individual:

• Check your handbook- Be aware of any policies against bullying in your employee manual or handbook. There might be steps outlined for you to take should the need arise. 
• Talk to your bully- If you feel comfortable, have a conversation with the person bullying you. Let them know their behavior is unacceptable and unprofessional.  This communication can be written or verbal.  It might be helpful to have a witness or third party with you, as the bully might deny their behavior. 
• Take notes- Keep a log detailing the offensive behaviors. Make special note of the times, dates, who was present, what was said, and what was done to you.  If you’re the target, be sure to keep accurate records of your work (timesheets, work orders, etc.) to defend yourself.
• Seek help- If you’re unable to solve the problem with your peer, consider going to a higher-level employee, your supervisor or employer, or human resources personnel for help.

For the employer or supervisor:

• Make a policy- Send a clear message in your workplace by establishing a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. Handle offenders swiftly and by the pre-determined rules.
• Raise awareness- Promote an anti-bullying campaign. People will feel more comfortable speaking up if there’s an atmosphere of awareness and they know they won’t be punished for being honest.
• Establish a contact person- Designate a human resources person who is unbiased and independent of the situation in question. Make sure he or she can listen objectively to all employee concerns regarding bullying and connect people to proper resources if they need counseling or support.
• Conduct focus groups- Consider sending out anonymous surveys or holding focus groups with your employees to gain information about potential bullying in the workplace. Hearing others’ concerns often gives employees the courage to speak up about their own experiences.

Workplace bullying is an avoidable situation.  Having good standards in place can help eradicate or prevent its occurrence, as well as provide a safe environment for the workers and employers.  If you or someone you know is dealing with the negative effects of workplace bullying, consider seeking help.  Many businesses have human resources personnel or a recommended counselor to assist.  If additional support is needed, contact your medical or mental health professional.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.lni.wa.gov/Safety/Research/Files/Bullying.pdf

http://www.aarp.org/work/job-hunting/info-11-2013/handle-bullying-on-the-job.html

 

 

           

Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is a serious workplace offense that violates the Civil Rights Act of 1964.  It is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, or verbal or physical contact that is sexual in nature.  When sexual harassment happens, either implicitly or explicitly, an individual’s employment is affected.  This behavior may interfere with the victim’s ability to do his or her work or create a hostile work environment.

Facts about Sexual Harassment

There are two types of sexual harassment:

1. Quid pro quo- This less common form of sexual harassment occurs when employment conditions are based upon the victim providing sexual favors.
2. Hostile environment- This type of sexual harassment is characterized as unwelcome, severe, and persistent sexual conduct. It creates an uncomfortable and hostile work environment.  Examples of this conduct are crude jokes, lewd postures, leering, inappropriate touching, and rape.  Nearly 95 percent of all sexual harassment cases are related to a hostile environment. 

Sexual harassers do not need to be the opposite gender of the victim.  It can be a boss, coworker, or a nonemployee, but their behavior must be unwelcome.  Direct victims are not just the people being harassed, as anyone affected by sexual harassment is a victim. 

Effects of Sexual Harassment  

Effects and consequences of sexual harassment are wide-ranging, both in how they impact the victim and the work environment. 

• For the individual:
  • Depression, sleep issues, poor concentration at work, and fear are common effects.
• For the work environment:
  • High staff turnover, low company reputation, legal costs, poor morale among staff, and lack of teamwork characterize a workplace where sexual harassment is tolerated.

Sexual harassment can also have an economic impact as the victim could lose his or her job, wages, or benefits.  Sometimes an individual is fired for another circumstance, but the real reason is failing to comply with sexual demands.  In other instances, a victim may be denied a promotion, demoted, or forced to relocate or placed in another position.   

Another consequence can be victim blaming.  This occurs when the harasser or other coworkers hold the victim responsible, either for the sexual harassment or the resulting conflicts after the behavior has been reported.  Some people may feel the victim could have stopped the harassment or was “asking for it.”

How to Handle Sexual Harassment

In the event you or your coworkers are facing sexual harassment, it’s important to know you are not powerless.  Follow these guidelines to help protect yourself and others:

• Be direct- Talk to the harasser if you feel comfortable doing so. Be direct and firm, telling them to stop.  You can make your request verbally or in written form. Communicate your concerns with a human resources person or your supervisor, or access any grievance system that exists in your workplace. 
• Practice prevention- Obviously, the best way to handle sexual harassment is to prevent it. If you are an employer, have policies in place and require your employees to attend trainings dealing with this topic.  As an employee, be familiar with any sexual harassment information in your company manual.  Also, consider suggesting this as a possible topic for training and discussion. 
• Support- Seek out family, friends, or a mental health professional to talk. Find emotional support to cope with the impact of sexual harassment, and never assume that you should be able to just “shake it off.”
• Accept- Understand this was not your fault, and focus on forming relationships with supportive people. No one should tell you how to feel about the situation. 
• Document- Keeping an accurate log is critical. You should have documentation of your work, the behavior of the perpetrator, and the follow-up actions.
  • Your work- Keep any evaluations or emails you have that support your work as an employee.
  • Harassing behavior- Detail a report of what happened, where it occurred, what was said and done, and who else was present. Ask your coworkers to consider writing statements about what they witnessed.  Keep track of any negative consequences that occurred when or if you refused to submit to the sexual harassment.
  • The follow-up- Record (audio or written) what was said, who was present, and what actions were taken. Be sure to document any retaliation that occurs as a result of your complaint. 

After taking steps to find healing and closure, some sexual harassment victims choose to “pay it forward.”  They might resolve to educate others about the dangers, behaviors, and effects of sexual harassment.  Strategies might include writing about your experience, participating in a support group, or joining an organization that’s dedicated to fighting sexual harassment. 

Victimization does not need to be the end of the story.  If you or someone you know has been traumatized by sexual harassment, be courageous.  Help is available through support groups, mental health professionals, and other community organizations.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc/publications/fs-sex.cfm

https://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/sexual-harassment

http://www.aauw.org/what-we-do/legal-resources/know-your-rights-at-work/workplace-sexual-harassment/#strategies

 

Preventing Violence at Work

Workplace violence is becoming increasingly prevalent.  Almost two million American workers report that they are victims of workplace violence every year; and many more incidents are never formally documented.  Some workplaces have a higher chance of violence, but the risks are present even in non-hostile environments. 

Workplace Violence Defined

Any act or threat of physical violence or intimidation at work is classified as workplace violence; meaning harassment or other behaviors that disrupt the workplace.  Examples include any form of a true threat, verbal abuse, physical assault, and even homicide.  In short, workplace violence is any behavior that is disruptive, threatening, and/or violent.    

• Disruptive behavior- These disorderly acts involve yelling, using profanity, pointing fingers, and verbal abuse.
• Threatening behavior- This type of bullying threatens people or property in a verbal or written manner. For example, “I’ll make you wish you hadn’t done that!” or “Just you wait…” are considered threatening behaviors. 
• Violent behavior- When someone physically assaults another with or without a weapon, throws an object, or destroys property they are exhibiting violent behavior.

High-Risk Workplaces

Some workplaces are at a higher risk of violence due to the location and nature of the job.  Healthcare professionals, public service employees, customer service representatives, and law enforcement officers are all considered to have a higher-risk workplace.  Other jobs with a higher likelihood of violence include businesses where money or alcohol is exchanged with the public, services that work with volatile or unpredictable people, or jobs that require late-night hours or are located in a high crime area.  Working alone or in an isolated place can also pose a greater threat of workplace violence. 

 

Indicators of Potential Risk

Hindsight is always 20/20, but there are obvious signs of potential workplace risks.  The following are all signs that could point to a viable threat of violence:

• Sudden changes in job performance and behavior
• Outbursts of anger and an inability to control emotions
• Paranoia about co-workers
• Romantically obsessing, stalking, or sexually harassing a co-worker
• History of violent behaviors or discussing violent topics in nature
• Threats that are direct or indirect
• Drug or alcohol problems
• Carrying a concealed weapon or flashing one around

Diffusing Potentially Violent Behavior

Emotions and situations can quickly escalate when people blame others or feel confused, frustrated, and angry.  The following information suggests how to dial down potentially violent workplace behavior.

• Confused- This person will seem distracted or uncertain. The best way to diffuse this behavior is to be patient; listen to their concerns and provide them with facts. 
• Frustrated- Individuals who react easily to stress and resist problem solving are typically very frustrated. They may seem defeated even if they accomplish something.  A good way to engage this person is to provide a calm environment in which to listen to their concerns.  Clarify any misconceptions they might have in a peaceful manner.
• Blaming others- This person won’t take responsibility for his or her own problems, and they continually find fault with others. The quickest way to diffuse this individual is to focus on the facts of “how” a situation occurred rather than “who” caused it.  Create a listening environment and include others when needed.
• Angry- When someone’s body language clearly communicates anger, arguing with him or her is not helpful. They might be shouting, pointing at others, hitting things, or using profanity.  The best thing to do is to get your supervisor or security officer immediately.  Protect your personal safety and the safety of your co-workers by intervening carefully and constructively. 

Workplace Violence Prevention

The most effective way to eliminate workplace violence is to prevent it.  The following are four strategies for preventing violence, protecting workers, and creating a peaceful work environment: 

1. Education - Learn how to recognize, escape, or diffuse potentially volatile situations to maintain your personal safety. Attend trainings to be informed as they are made available. 
2. Zero-tolerance- Encourage your employer to establish a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to violence and intimidation. The policy should be written; and all employees, customers, clients, and consultants must adhere to it or face consequences.
3. Reporting- Employers should provide a safe and easy means for employees to report violence or threats of violence. Alert your supervisor or human resources personnel immediately if you feel a situation is escalating toward potential violence. 
4. Good judgment- Employees should not enter anywhere they feel unsafe. Especially at night, it’s good judgment to implement a “buddy system” or call for security to escort you.

If you are an employer, take every security measure necessary to create a safe working environment for your employees.  For employees, share your ideas regarding workplace safety with your supervisor or employer.  If you are one of the two million victims of workplace violence, seek counseling.  Even witnesses to violence might need to reach out for help.  Check with your human resources department, a licensed therapist, or another health professional to get the support you need.  

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://www.osha.gov/SLTC/workplaceviolence/

http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/violence/

http://www.doli.state.mn.us/WSC/wvp.asp