parenting

“Balance is not something you find; it’s something you create.”— Jana Kingsford, Time Management Author

When we think of the good ol’ days, we often cast a rosy hue on what once was. But when it comes to work/life balance, chances are our parents didn’t have a great one. It helped that they also didn’t have cell phones, internet, or social media, so when they were not at work, they may have been more mindfully engaged in the present. But they also lived in a world where working long hours was a sign of dedication and success. 

Now we know better. Research has shown, many times over, that productivity is not tied to the number of hours you sit at your desk. The truth is, the more time we spend at work, or thinking about work, the more likely we are to get burned out. Burnout leads to lower productivity, less job satisfaction, and increased health risks. A better work/life balance leads to improved efficiency and better overall health. If you’re wondering where to start, we’ve got you covered. 

How Do Life and Work Get Out of Balance? 

A first step is to identify things that may cause an imbalance. 

• Working long hours or working a lot of overtime. It’s important to disengage from work. That’s hard to do if you’re working all (or most of) the time.
• Little choice in work hours or not being able to take off when you need to. While most jobs have scheduling requirements, a rigid schedule without the choice for flexibility leads to stress and resentment.
• High-pressure, high-stress jobs. Some jobs come with higher levels of stress, such as the medical profession, law enforcement, and teaching. For these kinds of jobs, the ability to leave work behind and relax is crucial. 
• Unreasonable expectations. Whether these are self-imposed or come from your boss, this can lead to chronic stress. 

Ideas to Help Improve Work/Life Balance 

Once you name the reasons your work/life scale may be tipped too much to one side, it’s time to take a practical look at how you can make positive changes. 

Consider your personal and professional goals, and figure out what you must do to achieve those. If you want to grow professionally, set boundaries to make that happen. For example, spend x hours a month on professional development. If you want to spend more time with loved ones or pursuing a hobby, set boundaries for those things. Boundaries are meant to protect. They draw lines so other things don’t encroach on that time and space. 

1. Learn to set boundaries. Set boundaries for others and let them know when they can expect you to respond to texts and emails and when you won’t be checking or responding. Set boundaries for yourself. Unless you’re on call, leave your work at work. It will be there when you get back. 

1. Tackle things in order of importance. Do your most important or most dreaded task first. If you can’t finish it, set a specific amount of time you’ll work on it, then move to the next item on your list. 

Delegate. Do what you need to do, and delegate tasks where you can.  

1. Think in terms of outcome, not office hours. Do your job and do it well. When it’s done, go home or log out if you can. If your job doesn’t allow you to do that, take some extra breaks. If your work is already done, you’ve earned it. 

1. Prioritize your health (both mental and physical). Use your breaks to take walks, listen to relaxing music, journal, or work on an office-friendly hobby.  When you leave each day, reward yourself with something that supports your overall wellness. 

1. Put yourself—and your family—on the schedule. Those we love most often get put at the bottom of the list. Don’t do that! Make appointments to spend time enjoying the important people in your life. 

1. Get away. Take a vacation (or staycation). You’ve earned your paid time off, so use it!

Achieving a healthy work/life balance can prevent burnout, chronic stress, and a load of health issues. No one ever looks back at their lives and wishes they’d spent more time at the office. When you get to the end of the year or the end of your days, you probably won’t regret time spent supporting joy, fun, and loving relationships.

Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and strengthens relationships between you, your child and their siblings.

WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE

Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they will fall short of our behavioral expectations. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction. 

Consider the following:

• What is the specific behavior?
• How do you feel about it?
• What is your personality type? Your child’s?
• Why do you think they’re behaving this way?
• Where is the behavior occurring? Who is there,when it happens?
• Is  anything  impacting  or  preventing  your response to it?

ACTION STEPS

Positive  discipline  trains  children  to  behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will help you channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:

 ✓  Refrain from saying “no” – There’s something about being told “no” that makes children (or adults) want to do something all the more. Instead, offer an alternative.

✓ Control  yourself  –  Children  watch  their parents. You’re modeling for them what is acceptable. If you yell, they will also. Take steps to remain calm and keep the situation from escalating.

✓ Consistency – We sometimes overlook or address behaviors based on the situation and our own energy level. This can confuse a child. Be clear and consistent with expectations.

✓ Good behavior counts – Too often we give our kids more attention when they misbehave. When we choose to ignore negative behaviors and highlight a good behavior instead, we show our kids what we truly value.

✓ Avoid bribery – When we offer our children bribes as incentives, they don’t associate good behavior as the reward itself. Help your child see that good behavior and choices bring their own rewards.

✓ Give options – There’s nothing wrong with giving your child choices. For example, if a child is fighting with their sibling, explain to them you only have enough energy to either listen to their squabble or do something fun later.

✓ Rewards   –  Incentives  can  be  powerful motivators for positive behavior.

✓  Responsibility – Trusting children to take care of certain tasks should be seen as a privilege. Responsibility is a reward in itself. When it is framed this way, children will naturally desire to behave in a positive manner to gain more responsibilities.

✓ Your attention – Giving a child your love, understanding  and  attention  is  the  best reward for them. Setting aside time every day to spend with your child is the best way to influence their lives.

KEEP IN MIND

Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time,  consistency  and  patience.  Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment, and remember a licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how to implement these methods. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Home Schooling During COVID-19 School Closures

While you may be finding yourself unexpectedly thrown into home schooling your child or children, aged anywhere from five to 17 years old, it is important to know that more than two million kids are home schooled each year in the United States and that this number has been steadily increasing in recent years. In short, you are not alone and there is a lot of information available to help you develop best practices in home schooling as you adjust to everything else that may be changing in your world due to the impact of COVID-19.

Logistics

Providing structured learning can help your child adjust to the current circumstances of being home schooled. These tried and true strategies, used by home schooling parents for years, provides the structure necessary to keep the household running smoothly, even while parents tend to the new demands of working from home.

• Set a time that instruction begins each day. Here you can be a little flexible, if your child isn’t an early riser and is usually up at 8:00 am, schedule instruction for 9:00 am every day.
• Encourage your child to shower and change as they would for school. This will help develop routine and teach them that it is time to focus on learning.
• Schedule meal breaks at appropriate times.
• Try to facilitate learning of each subject at the same time each day.
• Encourage or help facilitate working with classmates or friends through video calls where they can work on a group project, discuss ideas, or otherwise help each other with assignments.
• Be prepared to contact your local internet service provider and ask for an upgrade in your internet bandwidth to support the increased use of video-enabled school and work sessions.
• Schedule time for Q&A. Your child may need help with some of the work beyond what is provided to them and this may be a challenge if the teacher(s) are not available at all times. Schedule time to help your child and if you don’t know the answer, search for it together.

 

Home Schooling while Working from Home

 

These are stressful times as many parents are facing health and financial concerns, adjusting to working from home with the entire family, and facilitating emergency home schooling. Here are a few tips that may help:

• Try to spend a few moments of quality time with your child before the day begins, during breaks, and at the end of the day. As schedule accommodates, hold brief focused check-ins with your child as these can help prevent attention seeking behaviors as the day progresses.
• When possible, be present as your child is scheduled for online learning groups or distance learning classes. This way you can help them get set up and ensure that they are meeting with the people that they should be meeting with and avoid any inappropriate technology use.
• Use your breaks to recharge the entire family. Check in with your child, provide a healthy snack, and answer any questions they may have. These brief check-ins go a long way, but don’t forget about yourself — have a healthy snack, get some fresh air, prepare for the next phase of the day.
• Remember that you are not alone, most parents are now in the position of juggling home schooling while working from home. If you have a meeting and think you may be called away or have kids screaming in the background, be up front with your colleagues at the start of the meeting and they are likely to be very understanding.

 

Informal Learning Opportunities

 

In addition to making sure that your child is completing any assigned work from their school or district, try to take their personal interests into account and facilitate informal learning opportunities as supplemental activities. Many public libraries and museums have made their materials and exhibits available online and may even provide virtual tours.

 

Examples of informal learning activities include:

• Going for a walk (depending on age or grade level, you can develop activities ahead of time such as identifying geometric shapes, natural formations, colors, and so forth)
• Public television educational programming
• Free audiobooks through public libraries
• Virtual tours facilitated by museums or art galleries, such as the Monterey Bay Aquarium live animal cameras, Yellowstone National park tours, and the San Diego Zoo online
• Online educational games (be careful of the source and ensure they are actually educational and interactive)
• Building or creating at home (even cooking can be turned into an educational activity depending on age or grade level)
• Plant seeds or otherwise grow or nurture a garden (there are several plants that can be grown indoors if you do not have access to an outdoor area)
• It is also important to incorporate reading activities in every subject when possible (in addition to books), for example, reading recipes, reading information on museum exhibits, or playing educational games online that focus on reading

Finding healthy and enjoyable ways to have fun will help everyone relax. There’s no need to pressurize yourself and your kids — you can do this!

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://responsiblehomeschooling.org/covid/

https://www.nheri.org/research-facts-on-homeschooling/

https://www.onlineschools.org/homeschooling-guide/