by Amplified Life Counseling February 23, 2021
Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and strengthens relationships between you, your child and their siblings.
WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE
Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they will fall short of our behavioral expectations. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction.
Consider the following:
ACTION STEPS
Positive discipline trains children to behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will help you channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:
✓ Refrain from saying “no” – There’s something about being told “no” that makes children (or adults) want to do something all the more. Instead, offer an alternative.
✓ Control yourself – Children watch their parents. You’re modeling for them what is acceptable. If you yell, they will also. Take steps to remain calm and keep the situation from escalating.
✓ Consistency – We sometimes overlook or address behaviors based on the situation and our own energy level. This can confuse a child. Be clear and consistent with expectations.
✓ Good behavior counts – Too often we give our kids more attention when they misbehave. When we choose to ignore negative behaviors and highlight a good behavior instead, we show our kids what we truly value.
✓ Avoid bribery – When we offer our children bribes as incentives, they don’t associate good behavior as the reward itself. Help your child see that good behavior and choices bring their own rewards.
✓ Give options – There’s nothing wrong with giving your child choices. For example, if a child is fighting with their sibling, explain to them you only have enough energy to either listen to their squabble or do something fun later.
✓ Rewards – Incentives can be powerful motivators for positive behavior.
✓ Responsibility – Trusting children to take care of certain tasks should be seen as a privilege. Responsibility is a reward in itself. When it is framed this way, children will naturally desire to behave in a positive manner to gain more responsibilities.
✓ Your attention – Giving a child your love, understanding and attention is the best reward for them. Setting aside time every day to spend with your child is the best way to influence their lives.
KEEP IN MIND
Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time, consistency and patience. Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment, and remember a licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how to implement these methods. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.
Want to talk to a counselor today about this?
by Ani Kazarian, MFA April 05, 2020
Home Schooling During COVID-19 School Closures
While you may be finding yourself unexpectedly thrown into home schooling your child or children, aged anywhere from five to 17 years old, it is important to know that more than two million kids are home schooled each year in the United States and that this number has been steadily increasing in recent years. In short, you are not alone and there is a lot of information available to help you develop best practices in home schooling as you adjust to everything else that may be changing in your world due to the impact of COVID-19.
Logistics
Providing structured learning can help your child adjust to the current circumstances of being home schooled. These tried and true strategies, used by home schooling parents for years, provides the structure necessary to keep the household running smoothly, even while parents tend to the new demands of working from home.
Home Schooling while Working from Home
These are stressful times as many parents are facing health and financial concerns, adjusting to working from home with the entire family, and facilitating emergency home schooling. Here are a few tips that may help:
Informal Learning Opportunities
In addition to making sure that your child is completing any assigned work from their school or district, try to take their personal interests into account and facilitate informal learning opportunities as supplemental activities. Many public libraries and museums have made their materials and exhibits available online and may even provide virtual tours.
Examples of informal learning activities include:
Finding healthy and enjoyable ways to have fun will help everyone relax. There’s no need to pressurize yourself and your kids — you can do this!
Sources:
https://responsiblehomeschooling.org/covid/
by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
Talking to Youth about Healthy Sexual Boundaries
Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, especially when talking with youth. However, even young children are able to identify the anatomical differences between males and females. This awareness comes because humans are sexual beings and there are obvious facts that can be observed to confirm this. It is how our bodies are made and how we grow our families and world.
What is not apparent is how and when bodies and body parts are to be touched. This information needs to be taught and discussed to help each youth develop their own healthy sexual boundaries.
Some Statistics
In 2015, it was estimated that 41 percent of adolescents have had sex. The younger a teen starts having sex, the higher the chance that risky sexual behaviors can occur. STDs, sexual assault, rape, abusive relationships, and other circumstances can leave a lasting impact on youth. While there is no way to guarantee that these issues will not occur, the more information is provided to youth to make educated decisions, the greater the possibility that they will avoid risky choices and situations.
When to Talk
Some parents or guardians feel uncomfortable approaching the topic of sex with youth. However, due to its relevance and importance, it might be helpful to think about placing the safety of the youth over the level of comfort that is felt. Providing information that is educational and developmentally appropriate is the best route to go. You can start talking about and encouraging boundaries with children, by helping them to have control over how they are touched. It may be helpful to do some research, but it does not take an expert to have a successful conversation. Stay calm, answer questions accurately, and look up any answers that you are unsure about. Children and teens are going to learn about sex from somewhere, and making yourself one of those sources can make a huge difference in their lives.
Types of Boundaries
Having healthy sexual boundaries means addressing all of the ways that sexuality can manifest itself; emotionally, mentally, physically, and digitally.
Emotional/Mental
It can be helpful to bring up the topic of how sex is not just physical, but also an emotional and mental decision. For many youth, the idea of sex is both exciting and scary. It can be hard to know exactly how something will affect you when you have not done it before. Youth hear and see countless stories about how others are engaging in relationships and in sexual acts. They then have certain reactions to these stories. Some youth may feel pressured into having sex, which may have started with becoming too emotionally intimate with a partner. Other teens might feel lost, confused, or be struggling with self-esteem. Helping to identify what emotional and mental boundaries need to exist can take the form of asking questions such as:
Physical
Enforcing physical boundaries can seem like the most concrete, but as emotions and sensations take over, it can be difficult to stand firm. While it is important to teach youth to know their own physical boundaries, it is also important to teach about consent and respecting the boundaries of others. Some questions to discuss include:
Digital
In the current age of technology and social media, sexting, posting sexual pictures online, or discussing sexual topics are common. Questions to ask youth include:
Other Valuable Tips and Topics
With all of the possible topics to discuss, it can seem overwhelming. Some of the most important topics to cover include:
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Parenting a Teenager
The teen years are some of the most thrilling and complex for both the adolescent and the parent. Exciting experiences and transitions coupled with emotions and hormones can make those six to eight years tricky to navigate. Adolescence marks uncharted waters for the teen and possibly a distant memory to the parent. But for all the good, the bad, and the ugly, the teen years are a rite of passage to adulthood. To better understand how to parent a teen, it’s essential to consider all that’s happening within one.
The development of teens
During the adolescent years, your teen will grow physically, emotionally, intellectually, and morally. Teens begin to form and fashion the person they will become in adulthood. During this process, a power struggle often ensues. Teenagers will anticipate and earn greater independence from parents and other adults. As a result, you will see your child begin to separate a bit. Often, teens will look to their peers as guides and value their opinions over those of adults, specifically their parents. In an attempt to discover their identity and who they’re becoming, many teens may experiment with how they look and act around others. Fitting in is often the goal during these years, and parents may experience a lot of stress and worry when they watch their child seemingly become someone else overnight.
Signs of a struggling teen
Disagreements are common between teen children and parents. As your teen pursues independence, he or she is trying to form a code of right and wrong. This code may or may not be similar to your own values. While this may seem like an act of rebellion, your child is most likely behaving like the average adolescent. There are, however, warning signs that can indicate your teen might be struggling:
Strategies for parenting a teenager
While we’ve heard the old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child,” it can be hard to allow others to fill a spot we’ve always maintained. Try to think of the teen years as a training ground for your child’s growth and responsibility. Encourage your child to find a trusted mentor, responsible adult, or relative they can turn to for advice. Your child may not want to discuss everything with you, and it’s not something to be taken personally. If anything, it demonstrates your child is progressing at a natural pace of independence. Remember, while your child is moving towards adulthood, they will always still be your child, even if they sprout to 6’2”. Keeping a healthy perspective on the potentially turbulent teen years lays the foundation for a lifetime of friendship with your son or daughter.
Sources:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/growing/adolescence.html
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Parenting and Positive Discipline
Parenting doesn’t need to be a war between you and your child. When it comes to discipline, there is a positive way to alter your child’s behavior without bribes and threats. Effective discipline is proactive, and it encourages positive actions and personal responsibility. It promotes your child’s self-esteem and appropriate development. Most importantly, positive discipline will strengthen the relationship between you, your child, and their siblings.
Why Children Misbehave
Kids truly do mean well and do their best to behave. Sometimes they’ll fall short of our behavioral expectations. When this occurs, it’s our job as parents to determine the reason behind the misbehavior. Consider why they might be acting out or hitting people, and what unmet needs might be underlying this behavior. There are several factors contributing to both your child’s behavior and your reaction. Consider the following:
Positive Discipline Strategies
Positive discipline trains children to behave without resorting to bribes, threats, yelling, or even physical actions. The following strategies will teach you how to channel your child’s energy (and yours) into a more desirable outcome:
Raising healthy, well-behaved children takes time, consistency, and patience. Long-term habits in anyone’s life require time, and children are no exception. The best results are not always immediate. Stick with it and continue reinforcing your commitment. Loving your child is always a worthwhile investment with life-long returns.
Sources:
http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/positive_discipline_tips.html
http://www.cwla.org/positiveparenting/tipsdiscipline.htm
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