resiliency

“AMA policy adopted last year identifies loneliness as a public health issue that affects people of all ages.” ~ American Medical Association

February is the month of love and connection. But what if you don’t feel connected? In a January 2020 (pre-lockdown) survey of 10,000 adults, 61% said they were lonely. And loneliness is more than just a mental health issue. It’s been linked to increased heart problems, stroke, and other medical issues. 

According to psychiatrist Dr. Tiffani Bell Washington, MD, MPH, “Loneliness is essentially the feeling of being uncomfortable or in distress when someone feels that there is a gap between the connection they would like and the connection they actually have... You can be in a crowd full of people, you can know all of them, and you can still feel lonely.” 

She added that superficial social connections, no matter how many, don’t really decrease loneliness. “What you really want is something deeper—someone to know you on the inside,” she said. “It's really based on perception of the difference between the relationship you'd like and the relationship that you have with others.”

Types of Loneliness

Loneliness and social isolation are two sides to the same coin. As stated above, a person can be lonely in a crowd. But many people are also at risk for social isolation. These include marginalized populations, older people, and those in remote areas. Either way, the lack of connection to others is detrimental because humans are hard-wired for connection. 

How to Combat Loneliness

When it comes to “fixing” the problem of loneliness, there are two major things to consider: connection with others and connection with ourselves (being content while alone). 

Connecting with others doesn’t have to mean going to crowded places or attending parties every week. Since we long for others who really “get” us, it’s helpful to find those who share our interests, values, and backgrounds. Writers, for example, tend to work in isolation. As a profession, they are often considered introverts. But attending writer’s conferences and joining writer’s groups—either locally or online, offers connection for people who share similar interests and who often view life in comparable ways.

Ways to Connect with Others

• Consider your interests and hobbies, and find groups who share those. If you live in a remote area, find an online group that meets online. 

• Join a community or volunteer organization. Look for someone else who looks lonely and befriend them. 

• Take your lunch to a park or other place and people watch. Even if you don’t talk to anyone, just being around other humans can help you feel less lonely. 

• Find creative ways to connect. If you live far from family and friends, set up online appointments to meet for coffee, dinner, online games, or even watch a movie or sporting event. You can use these to join birthday parties and holiday gatherings too.

• Make a large group smaller. If you’re already in a large group that makes you feel lonely, invite a few people you have something in common with and start a group within a group. This can be a study group, a book club, a dinner club, or anything else that brings a deeper connection.   

Ways to Connect with Yourself (Hint: Self-Care!)

• Learn to relish your alone time. Schedule appointments with yourself to do things you really want to do, that you need to do alone, anyway. Get a massage or a facial. Take a bubble bath. Turn on some of your favorite music, light a candle, read a novel. 

• Reorganize or redecorate a room in your home. 

• Start a new hobby. YouTube is an excellent resource for learning to paint, play guitar, garden, or just about anything else you might be interested in. 

• Go outside. Talk a walk or a jog in a park or around your neighborhood, or simply enjoy a cup of tea while you listen to birdsong. 

• Talk to yourself. Tell yourself the things you’d say to your best friend, if they were feeling disconnected. Remind yourself that you’re amazing, interesting, intelligent, and fun. Do this every day—out loud or in your head. 

Several studies link loneliness with depression, immune suppression, and other health problems. If you’re feeling lonely, it’s important to combat the issue in any way you can. Sometimes you can do all the right things and the loneliness persists. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can help you explore ways to bridge the gap between the connections you want and the connections you have. You are worth the effort.

 

Bouncing Back: Leaning to be Resilient

Resilience is the ability to adapt well in response to stressful events. In our lives we may experience tragedy, adversity, or real or perceived sources of stress. These events can occur in our family or significant relationships, workplace, health, or financial situations. 

Resilience is not something you either have or don’t have.  While many people are naturally resilient in some ways, it is also a skill that can be developed and even learned. With practice, you can learn behaviors, thoughts, and actions to help you bounce back after trials.

We are all still human no matter how resilient we are. We have emotional and even physical responses to a bad day, but we can train our mind and bodies to bounce back. When individuals find it too difficult to recover from hardship, there is a greater chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

Qualities of Resilience

 

What does a resilient person look like?  Typically, a person who adapts well to stressful life experiences is also a good communicator and problem-solver.  He or she is able to identify and control their emotions rather than be mastered by them.  Resilient people have strong self-confidence and self-esteem, believing in their abilities. They are able to set goals, make plans, and follow through with them.  They also don’t hesitate to lean on supportive family or other relationships like friends, support or faith-based groups, or mental health professionals, such as a licensed counselor or therapist. 

 

Building Resilience in Stressful Times

 

Do you consider yourself a person who bounces back from life’s challenges and setbacks?  Someone who lacks resilience may focus on life’s problems and feel like a victim.  Others may turn to unhealthy behaviors or develop a substance abuse problem.  There are genuine ways to improve your reaction to the life’s challenges.  Consider the following ideas as resiliency strategies:

• Build relationships- Reconnect with friends and family. Join a local support group or community organization.  Check out a faith-based group for support or to aid others.  Helping another person in need helps you find hope in your own stressful times.
• Be confident in decisions- Make a plan for change and stick with it. Worrying about problems or avoiding them entirely will not change your current reality.  Focus on your abilities, and trust your instincts. 
• Be goal-focused- Instead of feeling overwhelmed by what you cannot do or control, start with small, attainable goals. These should be measurable, so you can celebrate your accomplishments.
• Accept what you cannot change- We cannot avoid everything in life. Focus on your reactions to stress and what you can change instead of the inevitable.
• Focus on the facts- Most of our worries in day-to-day life are about what could happen rather than what we’re actually facing. Sticking to the facts of the situation rather than your fears of what could be can help you focus on finding a solution.
• Discover what’s new- Every challenge you face is a new opportunity to grow. Do you see any positive traits you’ve acquired as a result or in spite of tough times?  Seeing challenges as an opportunity to improve your life can eliminate stress.
• Taking care of you- There is no substitute for proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation techniques. The more healthy energy you have, the more you’ll be able to bounce back.
• Laugh- Remember to laugh. Resiliency experts have found that the ability to laugh at life helps people cope better through difficult times.  Laughter can even ease physical, emotional, and mental pain.

The Benefits of Growing in Resilience

There are several advantages to building resilience.  One of the greatest benefits is the ability to learn from your experiences and see them as opportunities.  When life is viewed from this perspective it is easier to adapt to new situations and remain hopeful in the face of uncertainty. 

 

There are questions you can ask yourself to find the right strategy for learning to bounce back. Consider the following:

What stressful events have I already experienced? 

Who did I reach out to during these times? 

What did I learn?

What or who gave me hope?

How was I able to overcome? 

 

Finally, be courageous and ask for help when you need it.  There are support groups and programs in your community that can help you you in stress and crisis.  There are countless resources online and in print for bouncing back after adversity.  A licensed mental health professional is also an excellent resource to learn resiliency.  You don’t have to wait for a crisis to practice building resiliency. Start building your bounce-back potential today.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311?pg=2

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311