by Amplified Life Counseling April 05, 2020
Coping With A Loved One's Suicide
When a loved one dies by suicide, it is common to feel shocked, confused, angry, sad, or any combination of emotions. Due to the stigma surrounding suicide, survivors might have a difficult time reaching out to find support to help process through the grief.
Immediate Considerations
Losing a loved one to suicide is a shock in itself. While nothing can prepare you for this situation, knowing the following, or sharing them with others, can be helpful.
When planning the funeral, some funeral homes or religious beliefs may not be in the habit of handling deaths by suicide. Make sure to speak with funeral homes and any clergy members involved to make sure that your loved one’s death will be treated with support and dignity.
Coping with Suicide Grief
Grief is a complex process of emotions, memories, and adjustments. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and most suicide survivors report feeling some of the following:
Grief following a death by suicide is complex. Often, survivors feel like they cannot talk about it, because of how suicide is perceived in society. Survivors may often feel angry at the deceased, which can cause confusion since they are also sad about the death. Suicide can also cause survivors to feel traumatized, as the sudden and sometimes violent nature can leave lasting thoughts and memories that are hard to ignore.
These factors, and more, can compound the intense feelings of grief and can prevent any healing from occurring. If you are coping with suicide grief, one of the first things to do is find a support system. Handling grief alone is not a beneficial method, so consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend, a mental health professional, or joining a support group for suicide survivors. There are many resources available and can be found through agencies like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which can be found online at www.afsp.org.
Helping Others Cope with Suicide Grief
If someone you know is a suicide survivor, there are things that you can do to help. While it might seem most comfortable to give them space, this could leave them feeling isolated and ashamed. You may not feel totally competent in helping others with suicide grief, but some of the following activities can be a great help.
Sources
by Ani Kazarian April 05, 2020
Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Domestic abuse is defined as a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Every abusive relationship is different, but there is one commonality: the abusive partner does many things to establish and maintain power and control over their partner.
Domestic abuse can include physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse, and economic deprivation. A relationship does not need to be violent to be abusive, but the danger of being seriously injured or killed greatly increases within relationships that include physical and sexual violence.
People who are in an abusive relationship may feel confused, afraid, angry, or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship, you may also blame yourself for what is happening, but the truth is that you are never responsible for your partner’s abusive behaviors.
Despite promises and pleas from the abusive partner, change rarely occurs. Rather, the intensity and frequency of the abuse often increases and escalates over time.
How to Get out of an Abusive Relationship
Abusive partners often do and say things to shift the blame onto the victim or even deny that the abuse ever took place. There are many other reasons people stay in abusive relationships and leaving can often be very complicated.
Leaving can also be the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse. Because abuse is about power and control, leaving the relationship is the victim taking control and the abusive partner’s power is threatened. This could cause the abusive partner to retaliate in destructive ways.
If you are in an abusive relationship, there is help available to you. There are local, state, and national organizations dedicated to helping you leave, be in a safe space, and gain control of your life and wellbeing. These organizations can help you create a safety plan.
A safety plan will map out preparing to leave, when you leave, and after you leave. It will plan ways to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action, and more. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you protect yourself in stressful moments.
Preparing to Leave
As mentioned above, leaving an abusive relationship can escalate the abuse. It is important to take certain actions as you are preparing to leave:
Leaving an Abusive Relationship
As you create your safety plan, you can make a plan for how and where you will escape quickly. You may ask for a police escort or stand-by when you leave. If you have to leave in a hurry, try to take as many of the following items as possible:
After you Leave
There are precautions to take after you leave to keep you and your family safe. Below are some examples, though you may want to collaborate with domestic abuse organizations that can help you create a detailed safety plan specific to your situation.
Though leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and require many changes in your life, there is help available to you for every step along the way.
Sources:
https://www.thehotline.org/help/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
When a Loved One is Incarcerated
There are often emotional, relational, and financial implications when a loved one is incarcerated. The time served does not only affect the incarcerated. Family members commonly express feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment. Whether the imprisoned is a spouse, partner, or dependent, emotional concerns for their well-being are normal and can take over daily life.
Beyond emotional adjustments, family members must manage new expectations and routines. What will the “new normal” look like? Relationships may feel the strain as families sort through the logistics of visitations, communication, finances, or other challenges. Whether you have an imprisoned family member or friend, you may find the following information helpful.
When a Child is Incarcerated
Having an incarcerated child is a reality no parent is hoping to experience. As much as you find yourself waiting for phone calls or worrying about your child, it’s important to continue to live your life. There are caring individuals ready to help you transition during this difficult family time.
An Incarcerated Spouse or Partner
Imprisonment is not an easy life circumstance. Support is necessary for both you and your incarcerated spouse/partner. Consider the following as you determine how much support you’re able to give while maintaining your daily responsibilities.
It is helpful for families to remember that today is not forever. Though feelings of anger and blame are natural, be courageous and seek to forgive your loved one for choices made. Remind yourself why you have hope for the incarcerated. Use this circumstance to plan where you’d like your life to go from here. Write a new ending. Change is possible, and your future is hopeful.
Sources:
https://oureverydaylife.com/cope-loved-one-2036873.html
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/4/prweb10679159.htm
https://www.fashionbeyondforty.com/2017/02/how-to-cope-when-loved-one-is-in-prison.html
http://thebereavementacademy.com/grieving-incarcerated-loved-one/
by Lyle Labardee April 05, 2020
When a Loved One Dies
Dealing with the emotions that follow the death of a loved one can make any task difficult. Planning the funeral and facilitating the process of getting matters in order can add stress to an already challenging situation. Having some direction can help to make sure that the proper steps are taken, and that nothing important is overlooked.
Immediate Checklist
After a loved one dies, first reactions can vary from depression to anger to shock, and anything in between. While you might feel lost, confused, or helpless, there are some important steps that need to be taken as soon as possible following the death of your loved one. The sooner these actions can be carried out, the sooner you can guarantee that communication is moving forward that will work to honor the life of the deceased, and protect assets and other wishes through legal and administrative matters.
Funeral Assistance
Some people might have prepared for funeral expenses by paying early on. If you are not familiar with funeral costs, familiarize yourself with the Funeral Rule, enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, so you know what funeral homes are obligated to do to ensure that prices are fair.
If you find yourself in need of assistance in paying for a funeral, consider these options:
Sources |
|
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Pets and the Benefits They Offer
History has provided a long account of humans enjoying the company of animals. At times, animals have served as valuable resources to accomplish tasks like farming or transportation. Nowadays, the roles of animals have changed and many are commonly housed and cared for as pets.
Some people prefer cats and others prefer dogs. There are some people who also choose reptiles, amphibians, fish, rodents, or spiders. Still others prefer horses, pigs, or birds. Perhaps a pet is chosen based on a person’s lifestyle or personality, but there are some themes that ring true for why a person chooses to have a pet…and many benefits that arise from doing so.
Health Benefits
There have been numerous studies done to show what effect pets have on humans. While there is limited knowledge in explaining exactly how this happens, statistics are showing the following benefits:
Other health benefits of consistent exposure to pets that have some strong science behind them include
It is important to consider that there is a difference in the type of pet and the above outcomes. For example, dog owners specifically have a higher likelihood to be more physically active.
Developmental Benefits for Youth
Research has shown that animals are also beneficial for youth. Early exposure to animals might contribute to decreased chances of developing animal allergies, and increased emotional awareness. Many kids also have stated that their pets are their best friends, or are a great source of comfort to them when they are upset. Participating in the care of having a pet can also help to teach responsibility and care for other living things, which can boost a child’s social and emotional intelligence, as well as their work ethic.
Emotional Benefits
Being around animals has many emotional advantages. Pet owners report less stress and a higher quality of life than non-pet owners. Many people report that the unconditional love that pets offer is very healing and comforting. Having the right pet can also help to give you a sense of purpose, which will fuel your sense of self and motivation. For those with mental health concerns, such as Anxiety, Depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, having an animal around can provide a dramatic enhancement in wellness efforts. Trained service animals are utilized to help people with a variety of conditions such as blindness, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and PTSD. These animals are valuable companions for their owners.
There are many Animal Assisted Therapies that are making a difference in people’s lives, as well. Hospitals across the country have started to allow dogs and cats to visit patients, asserting that it increases morale and recovery. Mental health care is also being revolutionized as some counselors are incorporating time and activities working with animals into sessions for their clients. Dogs and horses are common choices for this type of therapy and help to add an active and experiential component that aids in treatment.
Stress and Animals
Taking care of an animal is a commitment. Once you own a pet, you are responsible for providing appropriate shelter, food, medical care, training, and exercise. However, for all of the burdens that owning a pet can add, one of the main reports of pet-owners is that having a pet decreases the total amount of stress in their lives.
Finding the Right Pet for You
How do you know what pet will be right for you? Here are some questions that can help you to narrow down the list to the ideal pet for your lifestyle.
Speaking with your family and friends can be very helpful as they might have suggestions or tips for you. Doing research online and by reading books is also essential. Many times, you can find local places where you can adopt a pet and meet it before you bring it home. Try contacting your local Humane Society, animal shelter, or other rescue organizations. You can also start your search online at websites like petfinder.com – a directory of adoptable pets from shelters and rescue organizations nationwide. It is recommended to do some research to make sure you are adopting from a humane source, so consult with the American Kennel Club to find reputable breeders, and make sure to check out breed rescue organizations. If you are not in the position to own a pet right now, you might want to consider volunteering or working at a local shelter, barn, or other location where you can work with animals. That way you can still get some of the benefits until you are able to have a pet of your very own.
Sources
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Healing after Infidelity
For many individuals, the opportunity to enter into a relationship outside of marriage or a committed relationship has presented itself. It might be with a co-worker, new acquaintance, high-school fling, or an online contact. When a couple has committed to an exclusive and permanent relationship, engaging in unsuitable interactions can break trust and tarnish the marriage or long-term relationship. For those who believe in the permanence of marriage or commitment, finding a way to heal after these events is vital.
Defining Infidelity
The basic translation of infidelity is “unfaithful.” Being unfaithful might include a variety of actions, including emotional, physical, and mental choices. While physical infidelity can be the most obvious, including hand-holding, caressing, kissing, and sexual acts, it is not the only way to cheat. Engaging in an emotional affair can also cause damage to a marriage.
Upon being discovered, the person who is in an emotional affair may claim that it is just a “friendship.” However, it is different than making a new friend; an emotional affair includes deep conversations about matters that should be and previously were reserved for the spouse. Often, the person experiences a need to hide this relationship, but works to make sure that specific time and effort are put into it.
Healing after an affair is possible, and the following tips can help it along.
For the Spouse who Cheated
For the Spouse who was Betrayed
Resources Used
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Conflict Resolution for Couples
All relationships experience conflict. Even a good relationship has its share of ups and downs. What makes a healthy relationship is not a lack of conflict. How both partners manage and resolve conflict determines an open, honest, and successful relationship.
Causes of Conflict
There is no shortage of potential conflicts for relationships today given the external and internal stressors we all face. Fears, differences, and expectations also play a large role in relational troubles. Some partners fear rejection or a loss of independence. Conflict might arise as a result of the couple’s different personalities, values, or beliefs. Perhaps, one partner is expecting too much of the other. When a couple is unable to agree on what the problem is, it is unlikely they will agree on how to solve it. These are all common reasons for relational conflicts.
Tolls on a Relationship
Resolving issues in a relationship requires work, but the toll of unresolved conflict is even greater. These byproducts cause stress that flows into other areas of our lives, affecting us physically, emotionally, and financially. Couples may experience a decrease in intimacy, as well as feelings of resentment, relational insecurity, and financial instability. Communication might become difficult, as conversation about anything other than the conflict decreases. Individuals may also experience lower self-esteem as a result of unresolved conflict.
Dealing with Conflict
There are healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict. When one partner makes all the decisions, the other might feel undervalued and resent this misuse of power. On the flip side, if both partners avoid conflict, the problem will linger and escalate. Partners will continue to play their roles to the best of their abilities, but the problem will never be resolved if it’s not addressed. These are both examples of unhealthy ways to deal with conflict.
The best strategy for approaching conflict is for both partners to share their thinking, knowing the relationship itself gets the final vote. Many times if a couple can focus on what’s best for the relationship as a whole, they are able to put aside their individual preferences and find compromise.
Conflict Resolution Process
Here are some practical guidelines to help you work through potentially difficult relationship conversations:
Learning to work through conflict in a relationship might not happen overnight. Be patient, as constructing a solution takes time and practice. However, the more you’re able to hear each other and control your emotional reactivity, the greater the energy you’ll have to work on the relationship and create a viable solution.
Sources:
http://oscr.umich.edu/article/tips-and-tools-constructive-conflict-resolution
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs-466-4.pdf
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Successful Stepfamilies
With many marriages ending in divorce, stepfamilies are becoming even more commonplace. Though your may find your family growing in number, cultivating a successful stepfamily takes time, compromise, and motivation.
Stepfamilies Defined
Traditionally, a stepfamily has been defined as a family where a parent has at least one child not biologically (or legally, in terms of adoption) related to the other parent. This child may live with one biological parent and visits the other biological parent, or he or she may equally split time between both original parents. Other times a child has a lost a parent and the living parent will remarry.
There are many variations of stepfamilies. Whereas the term stepfamily once referred only to married couples, cohabitating relationships where one or both parents had existing children are now recognized as stepfamilies. Grown children, in the case of parental death, will often refer to their parent’s new spouse as a stepparent, even though they never lived under the same roof.
Blended families are also a form of stepfamily. This is where both partners come into the marriage or relationship with existing children. Blended families have many of the same challenges as other stepfamilies as well as unique ones.
Transition Process
As a stepfamily or blended family is beginning the process of transition, there are often some growing pains along the way. Adapting to new routines requires compromise for everyone. Emotions usually run high; guilt over a divorce, anger about sacrifices made, worry about the stepfamily transition, and jealousy between stepsiblings are fairly common responses.
Stepparents may struggle in the transition process to figure out their new roles. Questions over discipline, rule-setting, and household responsibilities are priorities to address. These may cause insecurity and uncertainty in the new stepparent. Parents also worry about perceived favoritism between biological and stepchildren.
Similarly, kids face transitional unrest. Children may feel caught between both biological parents, not wanting to upset either one. In addition, your child will need to learn how to “share” you with your new spouse. Sharing may also extend to their home and belongings if your new spouse or partner moved into your home.
Struggling Stepfamily Signs
With all these changes, stress is at an elevated rate. Here are some key warning signs of a stepfamily struggling with change:
Strategies for Successful Stepfamilies
Tension and family distress do not have to be the norm for beginning stepfamilies. The following suggestions are designed to improve unity within the family:
For Everyone:
For Parents:
For Stepparents:
For Stepfamilies with a New Baby:
While the challenges are very real for today’s stepfamilies, so are the rewards. If your stepfamily is still experiencing growing pains in the adjustment process, ask for help. Family therapy is an excellent tool for working through everyone’s emotions in the transition. For additional help, check out the National Stepfamily Resource Center at www.stepfamilies.info.
Sources
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/childrens-health/in-depth/stepfamilies/art-20047046
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Maintaining Healthy Couple Relationships
Relationships affect our lives on a daily basis, and they all require effort to stay healthy. While starting a romantic relationship can be hard, building one for the long-term can be an even bigger challenge. Events inside and outside of the relationship make it necessary for both individuals to adapt and grow, while also respecting, caring for, and compromising with the other person.
Unhealthy Couple Relationships
One way to identify what is healthy is by examining what is not. The following symptoms indicate a relationship that is not working and unhealthy:
Healthy Couple Strategies
By clearly identifying what is unhealthy we are able to see what works better. Consider these strategies to maintain a healthy, romantic relationship that stands the test of time:
Even in this day and age, building a relationship that lasts is possible. Small acts of kindness such as physical or verbal gestures really do make a difference. With some thought and patience, you will find that simple strategies build a strong foundation for your relationship.
Source:
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/healthyrelationships.html
http://www.uwhealth.org/news/tips-for-maintaining-healthy-relationships/40280
by Lyle Labardee April 04, 2020
Improving Family Relations
Every family is its own unique combination of people and personalities. Even though they come in all shapes and sizes, healthy families have some commonalities. A healthy family is comprised of people who love each other and are able to respect each other’s similarities and differences. Healthy families also know how to compromise, and they are fiercely resilient; they bounce back after crisis and periods of prolonged stress.
Negative Coping Strategies
Obviously, not all families have healthy relationships. Some members incorporate negative strategies for coping with stress. Some examples are distancing, overdoing/underdoing, focusing on a child, or jumping into conflict. These negative ways of managing stress harm the family dynamic:
Distancing- This unhealthy strategy occurs when family members avoid conversations together because they are concerned about potential conflict. They stop sharing their thoughts and feelings and fail to spend real time together.
Overdoing/underdoing- With this negative coping method, one or more family members begin to assume the responsibilities of others. When this happens, the remaining members decrease their efforts. Family members can easily become stuck in this imbalance of responsibility.
Focusing on a child- To avoid conflict, some families will simply focus on a child instead. When severe stress or fighting begins, children are usually the most vulnerable in the household. Therefore, parents will focus their attention solely on that child to calm things down. Their intentions might be good, but often the child reacts to this intense pressure and increased attention. These children will typically begin to act out or develop physical or emotional symptoms.
Conflict- A final negative coping mechanism is conflict itself. Some families will start an all-out war when they’re stressed, engaging in yelling and emotional abuse. The smallest disagreement could set someone off, creating a hostile environment.
Tips to Improve Family Relations
There are many positive ways to manage stress and handle conflict. The following strategies for communication skills, relational values, and personal and family responsibilities provide simple solutions for improving family dynamics:
Communication Skills
Relational Values
Personal and Family Responsibilities
The success of a healthy family largely comes down to being together. When you make time for one another, you communicate that you care with more than just your words. Make time to have fun and celebrate each other’s victories. Listen to one another’s stories, thoughts, and feelings. Make memories and laugh together. When working toward the common goal of a healthy family, everyone has a shared interest in success.
Sources:
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/1229-strengthening-family-relationships
Describe a product, share announcements, or welcome customers to your store.
Historic Counseling Center
7791 Byron Center Ave SW
Byron Center, MI 49315
616-499-4711
South Counseling Center
2465 Byron Station Dr SW
Byron Center, MI 49315
616-499-4711