LifeBlog

Crime Victim Support

Victims of crime are often left with many questions: “Why did this happen? What do I do now? Who can I turn to for help?” With all of the questions, emotions, and confusion, it is possible to forget that there are programs in place to offer support. Crimes can include rape, drunk driving, domestic violence, abuse or neglect of children, human trafficking, and more. Often, the crime has effects that are felt far beyond the individuals involved. Support can take the form of financial, physical, emotional, or legal.

Valuable Information

In 1984, the Victims of Crime Act was amended. This act, in combination with the hard work of many advocates, has helped to make sure that victims of crime can receive help, and can continue to work toward positive change in the community. Like every citizen, victims have rights. In many states, the state constitution guarantees certain rights, including:

• The right to be notified of court proceedings related to the offense
• Right to reasonable protection from the accused offender
• Right to have input at sentencing
• Right to know about the conviction, sentencing, imprisonment, and release of the offender
• The right to order restitution from the convicted offender
• Right to be notified of these rights, and any other relevant rights

What to Expect

Since each experience and person is different, recovering from being a victim of crime can be difficult and takes time. It is important that victims are provided support right after the incident, and ongoing support to help with healing and working through any other processes that arise. Beneficial support to offer includes assuring physical safety, helping with emotional responses, and understanding financial and legal implications.

Being a victim of a crime is not a normal experience. It can happen to anyone and there is no “normal” way to respond. Emotional reactions to crime can include: shock or feeling numb, denial or disbelief, anger, depression, anxiety, or stress. In addition to these emotional states, it is possible that there are other mental or physical symptoms, often associated with the trauma of the crime.

Physical symptoms might include:

• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Disruptions in sleep pattern
• Chest pain
• Heightened startle responses

Mental symptoms might include:

• Nightmares
• Problems with memory
• Inability to concentrate
• Indecision
• Confusion
• Flashbacks of the traumatic incident

Most people will experience some of these. If these symptoms last longer than a month and cause significant problems in your daily life, it is possible that may you have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. Some people who are victims of crime will develop PTSD, and others will have other long-term effects of a crisis.

Tips for Coping

If you or a loved one has been a victim of a crime, the following tips can help to provide a direction for coping in a healthy way.

• Take care of your body. Initially, this means getting proper medical attention after the incident. This also means continuing to eat healthy, participating in healthy physical activity, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. It is not uncommon to need help with these tasks, as they often are disrupted after a significant event; ask for help and be patient as you adjust.
• Ease back into your normal routine. Making decisions based on how you are feeling that day can help you to be smart and not overload yourself. Work, social events, household chores, and other commitments are important, but so is your safety and wellbeing. The chance of having an accident increases during periods of stress and adjustment, so allow yourself to follow through with commitments, but adapt your schedule if necessary.
• Talk with others. Spending time with loved ones can help you find support and encouragement. Speaking with a professional can provide you with valuable skills and information to heal and move forward. Working on any legal or financial issues can be achieved much easier by having others help. The rights of victims of crime are also continually evolving, and joining an advocacy group can help to continue to make a positive change in your life, and the lives of others.
• Avoid using drugs or alcohol to excess, especially as a method to relieve any pain you are experiencing. Substances only temporarily mask the pain and can add more problems.

Remind yourself that this is just a part of your life. Much like a roller coaster or the changing of the seasons, this period of your life will not last forever. While you may have memories or symptoms from the event that last, you can and will move forward from this event if you find healthy and helpful ways to cope.

Support

Programs are available to help offer support and to help cover expenses incurred from the after effects of crime. These programs are often either state-funded, or non-profit organizations. Expenses might include hospital bills, therapy, funeral costs, or lost wages. It is also common for programs to provide support services such as crisis intervention, emergency shelter, transportation, advocacy for criminal justice, or counseling. The Office for Victims of Crime is run by the U.S. Office of Justice. On its website are resources for victims, headlines, and other valuable information. It also has a national listing of service providers that is regularly evaluated and updated. This can be found at: http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/findvictimservices.  

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources

• https://www.ovc.gov/publications/infores/whatyoucando_2010/WhatUCanDo_508.pdf
• https://www.fbi.gov/resources/victim-assistance/coping-with-victimization
• http://victimsofcrime.org/help-for-crime-victims/get-help-bulletins-for-crime-victims/trauma-of-victimization

 

Helping Suicide Survivors

When a loved one dies by suicide, it is common to feel shocked, confused, angry, sad, or any combination of emotions. Due to the stigma surrounding suicide, survivors might have a difficult time reaching out to find support to help process through the grief.  

Immediate Considerations

Losing a loved one to suicide is a shock in itself. While nothing can prepare you for this situation, knowing the following, or sharing them with others, can be helpful.

• Police may have to get involved to investigate the death. Often, they will be looking to make sure that it was indeed a death by suicide and not made to look like a suicide by someone else. In the process, they may need to take possessions, letters, or other items. Be sure to keep an inventory of what was taken so it can be returned, and keep in mind that police may also want to question some family members.
• You do not have to speak with media, if they become involved. If you do, consider selecting a spokesperson from the family, or one reporter to talk to, that you can then refer others to.
• It may be necessary for someone to identify the body. If this step is not applicable, keep in mind that you may still want to view the body, to say goodbye. It is wise to consider the nature of the death and if choosing to see the body would be the most helpful choice for you. Research has shown that many survivors who choose to see the body believe it was the right choice.
• It is personal preference on how much information to include in an obituary, however, including the cause of death might help answer questions that you won’t have to answer in person later, prevent rumors, and help garner necessary support.

When planning the funeral, some funeral homes or religious beliefs may not be in the habit of handling deaths by suicide. Make sure to speak with funeral homes and any clergy members involved to make sure that your loved one’s death will be treated with support and dignity.  

Coping with Suicide Grief

Grief is a complex process of emotions, memories, and adjustments. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and most suicide survivors report feeling some of the following:

• Shock
• Denial
• Rejection
• Anger
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Blame
• Relief
• Shame
• Isolation

Grief following a death by suicide is complex. Often, survivors feel like they cannot talk about it, because of how suicide is perceived in society. Survivors may often feel angry at the deceased, which can cause confusion since they are also sad about the death. Suicide can also cause survivors to feel traumatized, as the sudden and sometimes violent nature can leave lasting thoughts and memories that are hard to ignore.

These factors, and more, can compound the intense feelings of grief and can prevent any healing from occurring. If you are coping with suicide grief, one of the first things to do is find a support system. Handling grief alone is not a beneficial method, so consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend, a mental health professional, or joining a support group for suicide survivors. There are many resources available and can be found through agencies like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which can be found online at www.afsp.org.

Helping Others Cope with Suicide Grief

If someone you know is a suicide survivor, there are things that you can do to help. While it might seem most comfortable to give them space, this could leave them feeling isolated and ashamed. You may not feel totally competent in helping others with suicide grief, but some of the following activities can be a great help.

• Listen – Active listening and a loving presence can provide tremendous support to a survivor. It is not necessary to “have the answer” or know the right words to say, and actually, some statements can leave the survivor feeling misunderstood or more upset. Instead, focus on the words that are being shared and actively choose to be compassionate, understanding, non-judgmental, and patient. Some of the information shared might seem repetitive or confusing to you, but just giving them a chance to share it can make a huge difference.
• Offer Your Help – When mourning a loss, family and friends often need more help with day to day tasks such as grocery shopping, preparing meals, running errands, and watching children or pets. You can ask “What can I do to help?” or better yet, offer to help with a specific task and let them know when you are available to do so.
• Build A Legacy – Some families may struggle to discuss memories of the person who died, and may even struggle to state the name of the person. It is kind to follow the lead of those closest to the deceased, but it can be helpful to remember the deceased and join in on sharing memories when the time is right. You can also consider donating to a memorial or attending a Suicide Awareness walk in memory of the deceased.
• Be There Long Term – Grief is an ongoing process, and as the weeks, months, and years continue on, a survivor may need more assistance around certain Holidays, days, or anniversaries. Sending a card or calling to check in can be thoughtful and helpful. You will not be reminding them of the loss; likely, they never forgot it in the first place.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call us at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources

• http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/help_heal.shtml
• http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-loss-survivors
• https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/
• https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/suicide/art-20044900
• https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/suicide-survivors-face-grief-questions-challenges-201408127342

Dealing With Chronic Pain

Pain is a natural, normal aspect of life, and all pain is real.  Some is easily pinpointed, such as acute pain.  This pain occurs as a warning of disease or another threat to the body and it can range from mild to severe, lasting in time from a mere moment to several months.  Examples might include a broken arm or an abscessed tooth.

 

Acute pain is concrete and disappears after treatment, surgery, or the injury has healed. It is important to seek treatment for acute pain; if left untreated, it may lead to a more serious pain condition known as chronic pain.

 

What is Chronic Pain?

Chronic pain differs from acute pain in the way that pain signals remain active in the nervous system for longer than six months.  Chronic pain impacts daily activities and functioning and can result in emotional and psychological effects as well as physical ones. There are no clearly identifiable causes for chronic pain, as it is very subjective, but nonetheless, still very real. For example, you might be feeling very anxious about an upsetting event.  Your lower back begins to hurt, and you may seek medication.  In this case, anxiety and emotional pain can be capable of triggering physical pain, but that does not invalidate or minimize the very real experience of the physical pain.

More than 100 million Americans are affected by some form of chronic pain from known causes like arthritis or nerve damage; but sometimes the source of pain remains unknown.  Beyond the physically stressful side effects (i.e. tense muscles, limited mobility, sleeplessness, and low energy/fatigue), there are emotional and psychological effects that can occur. Anger, decreased self-esteem, fear of injury, reduced sex drive, and concerns of social isolation are common.  Anxiety and depression are also potential risks of chronic pain, and this emotional response can cycle back and increase physical pain.  In addition to seeking medical care for physical pain and pain management, you also may need assistance with the emotional and psychological struggles you and your family may be experiencing.  

Coping with Chronic Pain

There is hope, and chronic pain does not need to destroy your life.  Here are some strategies to help you or loved ones with the many complexities of chronic pain: 

• Practice being positive- Emotions can drive our experience with pain: Guilt, fear, anger, loneliness, and helplessness are five emotions that make pain significantly worse.  A helpful solution is to keep refocusing on things that are positive.
  • Focus on what you can do to improve your quality of life, rather than what is outside of your control.
  • Celebrate small improvements when they occur, even in the presence of pain.
  • Forgive yourself if you do have a physical, emotional, or psychological setback. Remind yourself that some days will be better than others.
• Stay active- Positive thinking becomes easier when you surround yourself with people and activities you enjoy. Relaxing exercises that take your focus off the pain can really make a difference.  Some examples might be completing word puzzles, Pilates or yoga, gardening, playing board games, reading, or listening to music you enjoy. 
• Increase good habits- By now we all know eating well, getting enough rest and exercising are keys to a healthy lifestyle, but they cannot be overstated. These elements are crucial to positively coping with chronic pain.  In addition, dehydration can aggravate chronic pain symptoms.  Stay well hydrated and avoid sugary and caffeinated beverages as much as possible. 
• Be informed- There is a definite risk of becoming addicted to prescription pain medication for some people. Pain relievers may be extremely effective, but it’s important to have a conversation with your doctor about whether they are right for you.  In any case, taking medication responsibly is critical. 
• Set realistic goals- Set goals to improve your daily life function, and seek out professional help if you need assistance with these steps. It is counterproductive if your pain is eradicated but your abilities and productivity worsen.  Many times it is simply unrealistic to eliminate all pain; however, you can improve your quality of life every day.
• Seek strength in numbers- You are not alone. Finding a support group or seeking guidance from a medical or mental health professional can help you through the journey of chronic pain.  Having a safe place to talk and process through the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of the challenge can prove invaluable.   

While the cause of chronic pain might be unknown or poorly understood, this does not invalidate its severity.  One of the greatest gifts you can give to those dealing with chronic conditions is to listen to and believe them.  Trust they are doing their best to communicate their needs, struggles, and hopes.  Operating with compassion, sensitivity, and a kind sense of humor is essential whether you or a loved one face the immense challenge of chronic pain.     

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/chronic-pain.aspx

http://theacpa.org/art-of-pain-management

 

Avoiding Burnout

There are many “outs” in life.  We can be stressed out, worn out, and experience burnout.  As passionate as we may feel about our work, we are all susceptible to burnout if we fail to exercise good self-care and relaxation techniques.  Burnout is a constant feeling of physical, mental, and/or emotional exhaustion and pessimism in the workplace.  This usually results in a decline in performance and passion.  You may experience doubt over your job competence and value in the workforce.    

Early Signs of Burnout

There are several early warning signs of burnout.  Do you dread coming back from vacation?  Are you experiencing interpersonal problems at work and home, growing irritable and impatient?  Do tasks you once enjoyed no longer excite you?  Can you concentrate easily on assignments?  Is your overall attitude pessimistic toward your coworkers and your performance?  These questions are all indicators of a burnout.  There are also several health problems that may arise from chronic stress in the workplace.  Burnout symptoms have been linked to anxiety, depression, digestive problems, weight fluctuations, and changes in sleep patterns. 

 

Triggers of Burnout

What ultimately leads to workplace burnout?  It’s different for everyone and could be a variety of items or one major one.  Here are some possibilities:

• Limited or no control- Perhaps your schedule or job requirements are determined for you- without your input. Lacking sufficient resources to do your job effectively may also trigger burnout.  
• Expectations- If an employer anticipates a higher performance than possible, this could cause an increase in stress. Also, when expectations are unwritten or unclear, this brings confusion and interpersonal turmoil. 
• Job mismatch- Are you currently in a position not suited for your skillset or interests? Boredom, frustration, and long term stress may occur. 
• Social dynamics- It’s no secret there are introverts and extroverts. Some people work best in solitude; while others would not.  Isolation could lead to internal and/or external stress. 
• Clashing values- Differences in values or convictions can be deeply felt. Situations resulting from a clash in business ethics may produce emotional stress.
• Out of balance- When work begins to eat up your energy and time for family or social events resentment may appear and accelerate to burnout.

Preventing Burnout

Far from being inevitable, burnout is actually preventable.  Consider putting these practices in place to help in avoiding workplace burnout:

• Take small breaks- Your overall performance can be impacted negatively by failing to take (short) breaks. Concentration wanes after a long, laborious stretch; so take a quick five or ten minutes.  Your brain will thank you. 
• Evaluate- Take a step back to see how you are using your time. Where and when are you most productive?  How is the quality of your work?  Being efficient does not equal being effective.  Take inventory and prioritize your time. 
• Set vacations in stone- If you are financially able, plan that trip today. It will give you something to anticipate.  Or consider doing a “staycation,” and treat yourself to some rest and relaxation. 
• Reward yourself weekly- Establish a routine that invests in you. Perhaps, schedule a dinner out with the family or coffee with a friend.  You will be more motivated to complete a task when you have something fun to look forward to each week.
• Determine what’s urgent- We are easily distracted by items we label as urgent. Whether that’s email, phone calls, or administrative work, set less-urgent tasks aside for later. This will increase your productivity and help you feel more organized.
• Build community with coworkers- Relationships with positive people who inspire and motivate you are important. Negativity breeds exponentially, so look for coworkers who can empathize with your challenges and encourage you.   
• Note your negative feelings- Pay attention to your negative thoughts and jot them down. Which of these situations can you control?  Focus on what you can change about your work and environment.  This mindset allows you to control more choices in your career.
• Engage new passions- Look for a new hobby to catch your interest during the week. Often, new activities reignite passions for forgotten interests.
• Unplug your devices- Avoid checking your office email, voicemail, and logging in to do work when you’re not in the office. Maintaining a clear distinction between work and home allows you to be fully present and enjoy whichever one you choose.
• Practice self-care- Taking care of yourself with proper rest, exercise, and nutrition is essential to reducing your risk for or managing existing burnout.  Research shows that less than six hours of sleep nightly speeds your chance of burning out.  Good self-care, conversely, will bring you more energy and increase your productivity. 

If you think you may be experiencing signs of job burnout, ignoring the symptoms is never the best decision.  Ask your doctor or schedule an appointment with a mental health professional before you feel worse.  Implementing these strategies, as well as healthy self-care, will help restore the passion for what you enjoy most.  

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://fortune.com/2012/10/08/5-ways-to-avoid-burnout-at-work/

http://idealistcareers.org/5-things-you-can-do-each-day-to-prevent-burnout/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642?pg=1

 

 

 

How to Choose a Counselor

What is Counseling?

Counseling – also referred to as therapy or psychotherapy – is the process of working with a professional to help you achieve certain life goals. Oftentimes, people seek out counseling because they have run into a rough spot in life. For example, you might be struggling to adjust to a life transition, feeling more depressed, or engaging in harmful behaviors such as gambling or using illegal drugs. Upon meeting with your counselor, you will work to identify the problem areas of your life, and begin to work toward achieving the changes necessary to get the lifestyle that you desire.

While there are many people who can help in these situations, it is important to know what type of professional you will be working with. The following four professions are all regulated by the state in which you live, and must have a valid license in their respective field to practice.

• Counselor/Therapist: Someone who has received a Master’s Degree in Counseling, or a similar field. This title means that they have thoroughly studied counseling tools, theories, and interventions, including the proper way to work with various mental health issues.
• Psychologist: Someone who has received a Doctorate in Psychology. This requires more schooling beyond a Master’s, and sometimes means that they can also do testing (that can be beneficial in certain cases).
• Psychiatrist: Someone who has received their Doctorate, but unlike Psychologists, received it in the medical practice. Psychiatrists are the only providers who can prescribe medications. Some Psychiatrists provide counseling as well, but many times this is a separate person.
• Social Worker: Someone who has received a degree in Social Work. Social workers often provide counseling, but they also focus on causing change in the community, including legislative efforts, and work to help their consumers find the right resources in their community to help them. Social Workers might have a Bachelor’s Degree, or a Master’s Degree.

There are other professions that offer similar results. For example, life coaches or speaking with a pastor can be very beneficial.  However, these positions are not always as regulated or as informed about the mental health needs of people entering into services.

Questions to Ask

Once you have decided that you want to speak with someone, it can be valuable to do a little bit of research before contacting them. Looking online and or asking people who you trust can offer some ideas about where to start. Picking the right Counselor for you will help to make your experience more enjoyable, and more productive. Here are some questions to ask when you are trying to pick a counselor:

• Ask yourself: “Who do I want to speak to?”
  • Would you rather speak to someone of the same gender? Same age? Same ethnicity? Picking someone with whom you will feel the most comfortable can help you to open up and get the most out of your sessions.
  • Do you want to incorporate your religion/spirituality? Counselors should never force their beliefs on you, but if you feel it is important to include your faith or belief system into your counseling, you can look for someone who advertises those services.
  • Do you have a preference for the type of licensed professional you want to speak with? Each profession offers something a little different, and it might matter to you exactly who you speak with. Keep in mind that service costs will likely vary based on the type of licensure that they have.
  • Questions to ask a potential Counselor:
    • Do you have a specific population that you prefer to work with?
    • Do you offer faith-based services?
    • What license do you have?
    • How long have you been working in this field?
  • Ask yourself: “How am I going to pay for this?”
    • If you have insurance coverage, a great first place to start is by contacting your insurance company to see what type of Behavioral Health/Mental Health services they cover. Often, they will refer you to a list of providers that they will help pay for. It is common that insurance coverage only lasts for so many sessions per year, so be sure to ask about their policy.
    • If you do not have insurance, you will be paying “out of pocket.” Counselors should discuss their fees with you before you engage in treatment. Many offer a sliding scale fee, which adjusts the cost of a session as based on your income, to help make sessions affordable. You could also search for non-profits or community based programs that offer scholarships or use grants to help fund services.
    • Questions to ask a potential Counselor:
      • What insurances do you work with?
      • What are the fees associated with your services?
      • How do most people pay for services?
    • Ask yourself: “How do I think I can achieve my goals?”
      • The answer to this question will help you focus in on what theoretical approach you want your counselor to have. Most counselors will have a specific way that they choose to engage their clients. For example, a counselor might focus more on behavior, thoughts, or feelings. It is possible to focus on all three. There are countless ways to do this, so asking up front can help you prepare for what your sessions will look like.
      • Questions to ask a potential Counselor:
        • What theories do you use? What does that mean?
        • What does a session with you look like?
        • How often will we meet?

Contacting potential counselors is the best way to select the best counselor for you. Aim to select someone who you feel comfortable with, but will challenge you in the areas you know you want to change. If you are unsure, keep searching. Or, pick someone to get you started – you can always transfer to another counselor at a later time.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

 Sources

• http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/choose-therapist.aspx
• http://www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help/non-medical-counseling?content_id=282333
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freudian-sip/201102/how-find-the-best-therapist-you

https://www.samhsa.gov/treatm

Pets and the Benefits They Offer

History has provided a long account of humans enjoying the company of animals. At times, animals have served as valuable resources to accomplish tasks like farming or transportation. Nowadays, the roles of animals have changed and many are commonly housed and cared for as pets.

Some people prefer cats and others prefer dogs. There are some people who also choose reptiles, amphibians, fish, rodents, or spiders. Still others prefer horses, pigs, or birds. Perhaps a pet is chosen based on a person’s lifestyle or personality, but there are some themes that ring true for why a person chooses to have a pet…and many benefits that arise from doing so.

Health Benefits

There have been numerous studies done to show what effect pets have on humans. While there is limited knowledge in explaining exactly how this happens, statistics are showing the following benefits:

• Decreased blood pressure
• Decreased cholesterol and triglyceride levels
• Decreased feelings of loneliness
• Increased chance of physical, outdoor activity
• Increased chances for socializing
• Improved quality of life

Other health benefits of consistent exposure to pets that have some strong science behind them include

• Decreased chance of developing animal allergies
• Increased emotional awareness
• Decreased stress, anxiety, and depression

It is important to consider that there is a difference in the type of pet and the above outcomes. For example, dog owners specifically have a higher likelihood to be more physically active.

Developmental Benefits for Youth

Research has shown that animals are also beneficial for youth. Early exposure to animals might contribute to decreased chances of developing animal allergies, and increased emotional awareness. Many kids also have stated that their pets are their best friends, or are a great source of comfort to them when they are upset. Participating in the care of having a pet can also help to teach responsibility and care for other living things, which can boost a child’s social and emotional intelligence, as well as their work ethic.

Emotional Benefits

Being around animals has many emotional advantages. Pet owners report less stress and a higher quality of life than non-pet owners. Many people report that the unconditional love that pets offer is very healing and comforting. Having the right pet can also help to give you a sense of purpose, which will fuel your sense of self and motivation. For those with mental health concerns, such as Anxiety, Depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, having an animal around can provide a dramatic enhancement in wellness efforts. Trained service animals are utilized to help people with a variety of conditions such as blindness, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and PTSD. These animals are valuable companions for their owners.

There are many Animal Assisted Therapies that are making a difference in people’s lives, as well. Hospitals across the country have started to allow dogs and cats to visit patients, asserting that it increases morale and recovery. Mental health care is also being revolutionized as some counselors are incorporating time and activities working with animals into sessions for their clients. Dogs and horses are common choices for this type of therapy and help to add an active and experiential component that aids in treatment.

Stress and Animals

Taking care of an animal is a commitment. Once you own a pet, you are responsible for providing appropriate shelter, food, medical care, training, and exercise. However, for all of the burdens that owning a pet can add, one of the main reports of pet-owners is that having a pet decreases the total amount of stress in their lives.

Finding the Right Pet for You

How do you know what pet will be right for you? Here are some questions that can help you to narrow down the list to the ideal pet for your lifestyle.

• What is your schedule like?
  • For example, are you away from home for long periods time? Are you a morning or evening person?
• Do you travel often?
  • Some animals can be left alone more easily than others, so you will want to be prepared to have someone watch your pet or have it taken care of at another location.
• Where are you living?
  • Some rentals have rules about what animals are allowed.
  • You want to consider having enough space and a home that can maintain the right equipment for your pet.
• Can you afford a pet?
  • Keep in mind that some expenses are unexpected.
• What experience do you have with animals?
  • If owning a pet will be a new experience for you, make sure you do some research about training, equipment, and any other information that can be helpful.

Speaking with your family and friends can be very helpful as they might have suggestions or tips for you. Doing research online and by reading books is also essential. Many times, you can find local places where you can adopt a pet and meet it before you bring it home. Try contacting your local Humane Society, animal shelter, or other rescue organizations. You can also start your search online at websites like petfinder.com – a directory of adoptable pets from shelters and rescue organizations nationwide. It is recommended to do some research to make sure you are adopting from a humane source, so consult with the American Kennel Club to find reputable breeders, and make sure to check out breed rescue organizations. If you are not in the position to own a pet right now, you might want to consider volunteering or working at a local shelter, barn, or other location where you can work with animals. That way you can still get some of the benefits until you are able to have a pet of your very own.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources

• https://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/health-benefits/
• https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2009/February/feature1.htm
• https://habri.org/

 

How to Choose a Career Counselor

Want to find a job? Interested in a career switch?  Thinking about going back to school? You can learn all of the necessary information online to answer your questions on how to do this. However, there may be a few pieces of practical information and guidance that you cannot get from the World Wide Web, and should receive from a professional.

Why Use a Career Counselor?

Career counselors are specially trained to help you choose a career. They are informed about various assessment tools, theories, and trends that can help you to find a career that will be a good fit for you. They can do this in a variety of ways:

• Increasing self-awareness – By facilitating discussion and utilizing assessment tools, career counselors can help you to learn about your interests, skills, values, and personality type. Most importantly, they can help you learn how these can align with various careers.
• Gaining valuable information about trends – Career counselors have studied the various resources that can help you to learn about any careers that you might be interested in. They can help you learn about education options, what skills are necessary for a career, what the job market looks like, or what salary to expect. They can even help to suggest career options that are similar to what you want, yet might be a better fit for you based on your priorities.
• Developing and carrying out plans – Each step of the way, you can have guidance on how to carry out your vision. You can get assistance doing a job search, putting together your resume and other similar documents, understanding salary and benefit packages, gaining interview skills, engaging in the proper preparation (including school or other training programs), and utilizing a Plan B when needed.

What to Look For

If you are in school, you may have access to a counselor for free. If this is the case, take advantage of the opportunity. If you are not in school, chances are you will have to seek out and pay for a career counselor. Here are some things to look for, to make sure you get your money’s worth.

• Credentials – You can ask to see a copy of the diploma and license of any professional you meet with. Professionals should be licensed in the state in which they practice, and also might be a member of organizations such as the National Board for Certified Counselors or the National Career Development Association.
• Code of Ethics – To which professional body does the counselor take his ethical guidelines from? You can ask to make sure that he is pursuing quality services, and not just private interests.
• Professionalism – If it sounds like a get rich quick scheme, it might be more of a gimmick than a professional service. Stick with someone who is committed to helping you find the outcome that you want, and does not promise quick results without appropriate effort.
• Informed experience – Your counselor should provide you with information about fees, explanation of services, proposed scheduling, and a basic outline of what services will look like.
• Going the extra mile – Finding a new career is half the battle; succeeding in it is the rest. Transitioning into a new workplace can be stressful, and finding a career counselor that regularly works with clients on the topics of communication, organization, time management, and leadership style can be incredibly beneficial. It also can be valuable to find a counselor who stays with clients into the first 30 days of a job. This is a time that can be especially stressful, yet important, and having the proper support can help you adapt properly to your new jobsite.

How to Find One

There are a few resources that can be beneficial when looking for a career counselor. Word of mouth and referrals are time tested. Keep in mind, however, that your experience might be unique, as you likely will have your own needs that might differ from theirs. If you want to find a counselor online, you can use the National Career Development Association list of approved counselors and professionals. This resource allows you to search by state. Another great place to check is libraries, colleges, and state employment services. These locations will sometimes host speakers or will know connections to help you find what you want.

Career Theory

As is the case with anything in life, approaching a new experience with a little bit of education can be a benefit.  There are a few career theories that can help you to explore what matters most to you in finding a career. Ideally, finding a career counselor who is familiar with placing people in careers based on these factors can be very helpful.

John Holland’s Vocational Choice theory is based on personality. It splits people up into 6 personality types: Realistic, Investigative, Artistic, Social, Enterprising, or Conventional. Based on this personality type, it gives corresponding work environments and careers.

Frank Parsons developed a Trait and Factor theory that matches talent and occupational choice. This theory is highly based on psychometric tests that help to explain the ideal job for each individual. Concepts such as aptitude, disposition, intelligence, and interests are measured to help determine this.

Other theories utilize more of a social or developmental approach, with people focusing on chance, self-efficacy, self-esteem, or fulfilling one’s self-concept.

There is no right or wrong theory, though some can be more applicable than others. You can decide how to incorporate and prioritize your values and goals into selecting a career. Keep in mind that work environment can be very important, because even if you are doing a job you love, if you are doing it in an environment that does not suit you (say surrounded by tons of people or isolated away from everyone with no windows), you may not find as much enjoyment as you would wish. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources

• https://ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sp/consumer_find
• https://www.ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sd/news_article/5573/_PARENT/layout_details_search/false
• http://time.com/3590683/how-to-get-the-most-value-from-a-career-counselor/
• https://www.bls.gov/k12/content/teachers/pdf/choosing_a_career.pdf
• https://www.utoledo.edu/success/career/pdfs/career_theories_overview.pdf

 

Getting Along With Your Parents

Navigating a healthy adult relationship with your parents can sometimes be difficult.  On one hand, they might still attempt to treat you like a child.  On the other, you may begin assuming a more parental role as they age.  Sometimes we want them to still nurture and care for us, and in other instances, we want to be treated as independent adults. 

Potential Problems

You and your parents are not the same people.  They are unique and so are you.  They might have different values, beliefs, interests, and priorities than you, and that’s natural.  Healthy adult relationships can appreciate both the similarities and differences.  However, this knowledge does not mean there won’t be challenges.  Here are some examples of how we might encounter problems with our parents: 

• Disagreements on how to parent and raise our own children
• Being financially dependent on our parents
• Differing core values and beliefs (political, cultural, spiritual, etc.)
• Arguments on their future medical care or living arrangements
• Resentment over childhood issues
• Continual complaining or criticism

Mutually Beneficial Relationship

Having a healthy adult relationship with your parents is possible and a worthwhile investment.  The following are guidelines on how to begin accepting your parents and building a mutually beneficial relationship: 

 

Accepting Parents

• Don’t fix- It’s acceptable to set boundaries and tell your parents what you do and don’t tolerate in your home and with your children. Be mindful though that your parents are who they are. So think about what it would look like to accept them without trying to change them.
• Don’t blame- Try being empathic with your parents. Be objective about who they are and their family history.  Avoid blaming them for your problems, as this won’t benefit you or your relationship.
• Respect their freedom- Making assumptions about your parents’ lives is never helpful. They might not want to babysit your children every time you go out or fix an appliance when it breaks.  Take responsibility for your own life.  Respect that they are adults too, and they value independence just like you do. 

Being Assertive

• Practice honesty- Your parents can’t read your mind. Be honest about who you are, what you want, and what’s important to you.  It’s unfair to expect them to know unless you tell them.
• Don’t focus on approval- When you were a child your life may have centered on your parents’ approval. As an adult you need to decide what kind of person you want to be and what’s important to you, whether your parents agree or not.  It’s natural to desire your parents’ approval, even as an adult, but this approval is no longer necessary for your life decisions.  
• Grow up- Asking your parents to do things you’re capable of doing isn’t mature. If you want to be treated like an adult, it’s important to act like one.
• Don’t ask for advice- Unless you really need your parents’ insight, don’t ask for advice. Often we ask for counsel when we’ve already mentally made our decision.  This opens the potential for conflict if they disagree with your pre-determined choice. 
• Practice forgiveness- Allow yourself to make mistakes. You might disappoint your parents, but making choices is part of adulthood.  Forgive yourself and move forward. 

Building Relationships

• Share activities- Spend time doing things you and your parents both enjoy. What activities are mutually beneficial and strengthen your relationship?  When you can look forward to time together rather than dread the interaction, your relationship with them will improve.
• Build a legacy- Consider helping your parents preserve their history and memories. You might learn things about yourself or gain a greater understanding of their background.  Photos, videos, and written memoires capture a legacy to share with other family members and grandchildren.

Managing Conflict

All relationships experience conflict, and the parent/adult child interaction is no different.  Even though it might seem easier to cut all ties, this isn’t wise.  Though it might feel better in the short-term, shutting out your parents will not resolve emotional problems. 

 

You should handle conflict with your parents like you would with any other adult that you respect.  Good communication, as you would have with a friend or coworker, is vital.  Problems are not necessarily character flaws, and they can be opportunities for growth and change. 

The transition from the parent/child to the parent/adult child relationship doesn’t need to be stressful. The turbulent adolescent years are over, and it’s possible for your relationship with your parents to blossom even more.  Though you are grown never assume your parents aren’t interested in the details of your life.  Share your dreams and goals just as you would with another friend.  Investing in a healthy adult relationship with your parents is beneficial and worthwhile; so take advantage of the opportunities while they are available. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

 

Sources:

http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-04-2013/parenting-adult-children-family-relationships.html

 

 

 

 

 

All about Feelings

Feelings and emotions are two words often used interchangeably.  They generally mean the same thing, however, feelings and emotions can differ.  For instance, feeling love for your child can cause the emotion of fear if he or she is in danger.  A mood is also separate from a feeling or emotion.  Whereas emotions are short-lived, a mood lasts longer.  The cause of a mood is not always easy to detect, as you might feel down for a few days and not know why. 

Basic Emotions

Psychology researchers cite six basic emotions that are universal to all humans.  They include happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and anger.  Other psychologists have added embarrassment, pride, excitement, and satisfaction to this list.  It’s also possible to experience more than one emotion at a time, such as feeling happy and excited simultaneously. 

 

Experiencing Feelings

There are three main ways we encounter an emotion.  First, we experience the feeling.  Second, our body reacts to it.  Last, we express the feeling through our behavior.  Therefore, if you were angry, you’d interpret the emotion as anger.  Perhaps, your body would tense up or your heart would begin to pace, and then you might lose your temper and begin to shout.  These would all be examples of how you might react to the emotion called anger. 

 

Emotions cause both physical and physiological reactions, which are regulated by the nervous system.  These reactions affect body responses that we can’t control, like digestion and blood flow.  The nervous system also monitors our “fight-or-flight” response to stress, dangers, and threats.  More noticeable examples of the physical effects of feelings might be sweaty palms, stomach pains, increased heartbeat, muscle tension, etc.

 

There are some universal expressions of feelings, like smiling.  Others will differ according to culture, tradition and custom.  When we understand our emotions and seek to increase our emotional intelligence, we can have some control over our behavioral reactions.  Exploring our thinking and paying attention to what our bodies are doing when we feel emotions helps us gain insight into our behaviors.  Mindfulness and relaxation techniques as well as a trained therapist or counselor can help you gain control over your reactivity. 

 

The Importance of Feelings

Exploring your feelings can benefit both your body and behavior.  For example, if you find that you often feel afraid, you may also discover that you regularly experience associated anxiety and physical symptoms of stress. Perhaps your heart is continually racing and your sleep is affected; these responses can have a long-term impact on your health.  If you start to examine the root of your fear, you might find that your thoughts aren’t factual.  Recognizing this faulty or irrational thought pattern is the first step in modifying it and ultimately feeling less anxious and afraid. 

 

When our feelings are based on facts we can try to change our situation or goals to fit that reality.  Perhaps, you’ve found a hobby that makes you feel happy and excited.  You can seek to incorporate those skills into a career you might really enjoy. 

 

Whether your feelings are fact-based or irrational, paying attention to them can provide clues about how to live healthy and how to achieve the life you desire.  When you put a name to your feelings and begin to understand how they work, you create more space between something happening and your reaction to it.  This space gives you an opportunity to choose your behavior and how you interact in your relationships.  Momentarily stepping back from a situation also provides the choice to treat yourself in a healthy, self-respecting manner. 

 

Tips for Managing Emotional Reactions

Controlling your reactions to emotion takes time and practice.  The following ideas will help you learn how to regulate your reactivity:

• Track your feelings- Keep a log of your feelings throughout the day. This experience will give you greater insight into how you see the world and react to it. 
• Scale emotions- Emotions exist on a broad spectrum, so rating them on a scale of one to ten might prove helpful. For example, if your anxiety is particularly high one day, make a note of that with a higher mark on your scale.  This allows you to look for patterns and situations that trigger certain emotions. 
• Reduce stress- When you experience negative emotions, tracking the methods you use to lower your stress provides invaluable insight. Take note of which ways of coping are the most and least effective, so you can have several effective options whenever you feel like your emotions are out of control.

Feelings affect everyone on a daily basis.  Learning how to manage and understand your emotions will benefit your health, work, and relationships.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, as medical or mental health professionals have valuable knowledge about ways of coping with intense feelings.  With the right motivation and practice, you can learn to change your reactions to emotions rather than letting them control you.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/feeling-our-emotions/

About Behavioral Health Care

Behavioral health care focuses on an individual’s psychological wellness.  It is occasionally referred to as mental health care.  However, the term behavioral health is more common now because it encompasses the biology of mental health, as well as a person’s behaviors and habits. 

Measuring Mental Health

How do you assess or understand your mental health?  Looking at your emotional wellbeing and your overall life enjoyment on a day-to-day basis is an excellent guide.  Consider the following:

• Are you able to cope with the normal stresses of life?
• Can you bounce back and adapt to unexpected news?
• Are activities like working, going to school, or forming relationships inhibited? If so, you might need to focus on improving your behavioral health. 

Behavioral Health Issues and Signs

There are many contributors to mental health problems.  Biological factors such as your genetics, life experiences, and a family history of mental health issues can lead to behavioral health problems.  Some of the mental health issues people face might be depression, anxiety, trauma, relational issues, and addiction. 

 

Signs of a potential behavioral health issue range in their severity.  Changes in eating and sleeping patterns, withdrawing from activities and relationships, low energy, feeling hopeless, and numbness to life are all clues to a mental health problem.  Also, mood swings, hearing voices or hallucinating, increased substance abuse, and thoughts of harming yourself or others are warnings signs.  When a person is unable to complete daily life tasks, such as showering, getting out of bed, getting dressed, etc., they also might be struggling with a mental illness.  

 

Professionals and Treatment Options

When it comes to behavioral health issues, you’re not alone.  There are numerous professionals who can help you overcome and adjust to life’s challenges.  These might be your primary care physician or nurse practitioner, or a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. 

 

These professionals are skilled in a variety of behavioral health interventions that cover a broad spectrum.  These range from psychotherapy and group therapy to support groups to expressive therapy in art, music, or drama.  Recreational therapy, meditation, and mindfulness practices are also options, as is medication. 

 

Good Mental Health Signs

When your mental health is functioning well there are several indicators.  Setting and meeting goals, coping with stress, and problem solving are signs of healthy functioning, as is finding meaning in relationships and the community.

 

Whatever your current mental health you can benefit from practicing good behavioral health strategies.  Some of the ways to maintain and/or improve your mental health might include connecting with others, being physically active, eating healthy, and getting proper rest.  Developing strategies for dealing with life’s stressors, staying positive, and asking for help when needed are also healthy traits. 

 

The Importance of Behavioral Health

Why is behavioral health such a critical issue?  Half of the world’s population is believed to experience mental health symptoms that impact their day-to-day functioning.  Our mental state impacts our physical health, so being able to reduce our body’s stress responses can help us live longer and healthier lives.  Another benefit of working on your mental health is the control you gain over your life.  People who are mentally healthy are more goal-directed, and they function better in relationships.

 

Not addressing our behavioral health issues impacts all areas of life.  Depression and other mental illnesses can lead to disability, physical impairments, and even suicide.  Financial, social, and vocational issues may arise from failing to work on mental health problems.

 

Getting Started

Improving your mental health does not need to be overwhelming as there are many people available to guide you. The following tips suggest how to get started and where to go for help:

• Gather information- Talk to your doctor, friends, or other trusted individuals about resources in your area. Treatment options may be available through your physician’s office, mental health specialists, community mental health centers, hospital psychiatric departments, outpatient clinics, university programs, social services agencies, and employee assistance programs.  
• Find affordable help- Don’t allow cost to deter your mental health desires. There may be free support groups near you, and many counselors and therapists offer services on a sliding scale.  Some university training clinics and community mental health centers facilitate individuals for free or at a low cost, or your work may have an employee assistance program through your employer or health insurance plan. If cost is a problem don’t ever be afraid to ask professionals what free or low cost options are available in the community.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

A lifestyle complete with good mental health is possible for you and your loved ones.  For more information about behavioral health care, check out the following websites:

http://Findtreatment.samsa.gov

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/

 

Sources:

http://www.healthypeople.gov/2020/topicsobjectives2020/overview.aspx?topicid=28

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/what-is-mental-health/

 

 

Dealing with Difficult Personality Traits

Individuals all around us have their own unique personality.  Undoubtedly, we all encounter individuals from time to time with personalities that are challenging, negative, and even aggressive.  Being able to recognize and successfully interact with these individuals enables us to turn a potentially difficult situation into a positive one. When we better understand individuals with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally.  Additionally, we can help create a safe and productive environment for others. 

Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:

• Hostile people- These individuals are often abusive and intimidating, finding pleasure in the fear they create. They enjoy reacting, so they’ll wait for others to challenge them.   
  • How to handle hostile people:
    • Find ways for them to let off steam and calm down without becoming abusive. Perhaps, encourage them to take a run or go to the gym.
    • Address them by name, and calmly state what you want to discuss. Do not engage them in an argument. 
    • Set boundaries. Try not to engage with them in front of an audience, as this will trigger a larger reaction.
  • Narcissistic people- These individuals are interested in being the center of attention as often as possible. They want to look like the expert who can do everything better than you.
    • How to handle narcissistic people:
      • Refuse to argue or act like you know more than they do.
      • Explain that you would like to use your knowledge too. They might be more open to this suggestion and cooperate more.
    • Passive aggressive people- These individuals are sly and cunning when they undercut authority. They will insult people in a sarcastic way and claim they are just joking.  Passive aggressive people will never directly address issues with you.
      • How to handle passive aggressive people:
        • Try to focus on the issue and not the person. This helps the individual not to personalize what is being directed at them.
        • Confronting this personality trait in public will only make them react. In private, be clear that you will not tolerate their sarcasm and undercutting.
      • Negative people- People with this personality trait distrust anyone in power or authority. They are the only ones who know the right way and can find a downside to anything.  Negative people express doubt in response to most any solution proposed. 
        • How to handle negative people:
          • Focus on the facts of a situation. Trying to emphasize solutions will not help as these individuals are typically more invested in the persistence of the problem than in finding the solution.
          • Refuse to argue with them. Instead, ask them what would be different if the problem was solved.
        • Antisocial people- These individuals resist attempts to be engaged socially, making it impossible to know what they are thinking or doing. Antisocial people typically distrust others and assume everyone is against them.
          • How to handle antisocial people:
            • Use open-ended questions when you speak to them. This forces them to not answer with a simple, one-word answer. 
            • Be comfortable with silence. You may have to wait it out until they feel comfortable to share their thoughts, opinions, and/or feelings.

Consequences of Dealing with Difficult People

While avoiding a discussion with a difficult person is worse, there are still possible unpleasant effects to a confrontation. 

• Guilt- Family members and loved ones can struggle with responsibility for the person’s behavior. They may feel caught between offering support and enabling the person’s negative behaviors.
• Internalization- Sometimes we can take the difficult person’s behavior personally, struggling with what’s been said or done to us.
• Grief- Family members might experience symptoms of depression and anxiety themselves, potentially impacting their marriage or other relationships. They might also grieve the relationship they feel they lost or never had with the difficult individual. 

Coping with Difficult People

Knowing how to handle and react to difficult personality traits is beneficial in all environments.  Here are some common strategies to deal with all difficult personality styles.

• Address- Don’t ignore people and pretend they don’t exist. Ignoring the problem, or the person, won’t make the situation go away.  Chances are it will only grow, so the responsible thing to do is to address the person and the issue. 
• Express- Remember, you probably don’t have the whole picture. You may not know all that’s happened in the individual’s background, their mental health, or the past crises they may have faced.  Empathize and express compassion.
• Assess- Consider your own emotions. If you’re having a particularly stressful day and can’t seem to remain calm, it’s not the right time to address issues with a difficult person.  Staying calm and neutral is the best way to approach and deal with difficult people. 

Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort.  It can be frustrating and discouraging at times, but if you are able to persist and communicate with compassion, you might find a solution to the challenge.   

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

Source: http://mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/basics/definition/CON-20030111

 

 

Dealing with Debt and Credit Problems

Financial goals are no different than any other life objective you might have.  The best chances of success are when your goals are clear and specific.  Financial decisions with measurable and attainable steps are more achievable than vague, general resolutions.  For example, you’re more likely to succeed when you announce, “I’m planning to pay off my credit card debt by the end of year,” than simply saying, “I’m going to do better with my finances.” 

Raising Your Credit Score

Like any major change in life, raising your credit score will take time. The following tips will help you get on the right track to increasing your credit score:

• No quick fixes- Beware of strategies that instantly raise your credit score. The best method is slow and steady improvement.  Being responsible over a long period of time provides the biggest payoff.
• Check for errors- Regularly check your credit report for any errors or late payments. Convey any discrepancies to the credit bureau. 
• Make payments- Create a bill payment method, either manually or by enrolling in automatic bank withdrawals. If making your own bill payments, be sure to pay on time to avoid late fees.  Be mindful that many automatic payment methods will only deduct the minimum amount.  It’s wise to pay as much as possible on your credit card balance. 
• Stop credit cards- Tackle your credit card debt and avoid using credit if possible. Pay your highest interest cards first, while making the minimum payments on your remaining cards.  Don’t close your accounts once you’ve paid off the cards, as this is a short-term solution for raising your credit score.  
• See a credit counselor- If you’re having financial trouble, consider talking with a professional. Do your research to ensure they’re a legitimate financial counselor and not taking advantage of you or your situation. 
• Avoid new accounts- Opening a new credit line won’t raise your score. Do this sparingly and only as needed. 

Tackling Debt

There’s no shortage of information available about paying off debt.  These strategies offer ways to minimize your liabilities:

• Record debts- Make a list of all your liabilities, or debts, and exactly how much you owe. If you’re unable to find the balance, contact your lender.  Write down what your minimum payments are as well. 
• Trim expenses- Find extra money in your budget by eliminating unnecessary expenses and spending. Check your monthly bank account statement to know where your money is going.  Then, pick a few expenditures to consider reducing or removing.  Some ideas are:
  • Borrow books or movies from the library instead of purchasing or renting them.
  • Exercise at home or outside rather than paying for a gym membership. There are a variety of apps for your mobile device with workout programs and personal training information.
  • Cancel magazine or newspaper subscriptions you’re no longer using.
  • Consider packing your lunch at home or making your own coffee instead of paying your local barista.
• Bill savings- Look for cost-saving opportunities through your insurance company, phone provider, and credit card accounts. Many businesses have lower rates available or discounts for paying in full.  A little time invested to “shop around” for utilities and other bills can really pay off. 
• Reduce debt- There are several ways to tackle your debt. Financial experts suggest different methods.
  • Highest interest rate- One strategy is to pick your highest rate credit card. Put all your financial weight on that, keeping minimum payments on all your remaining debts. 
  • Smallest debt- Another debt-reduction plan is to focus on the smallest debt. Tackling the smallest debt builds your financial momentum.  Add the amount used on the previous debt to the next one and so on.  This technique is known as “snowballing.” 
• Reward yourself- Once you’ve eliminated your debt, treat yourself to a reward or gift. Print out a reminder, picture, or inspirational quote to visualize your success.  Hang it on your refrigerator or office wall to provide daily motivation.
• Find extra income- Look for any way to bring in some additional cash flow. Could you pick up a part-time job or do some freelance work?  Tutoring or delivery services are options too. 
• Check statements- Avoiding bills or bank statements because you’re afraid of the balance won’t get you closer to your financial goals. Ignoring creditors’ calls also makes you vulnerable to lawsuits.  Instead, be courageous and educate yourself about your spending habits.  Take advantage of the online tools and mobile apps to help track your expenses. 

When dealing with debt and credit problems, it’s important to start small.  Chances are, your debt accumulated over time.  Likewise, changing your financial future won’t be a quick fix.  As you begin to see success in a few areas, it will build your momentum.  A little forward progress might be just the push needed to change your habits and reach your financial goals.   

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.myfico.com/crediteducation/improveyourscore.aspx https://www.mint.com/blog/goals/the-debt-destroyer-menthod-tackling-your-debts-one-by-one-0113/

 

Help with Financial Stress

We know our minds and bodies are connected, but did you realize our bank accounts are linked to them as well? Financial stress can have a significant impact on your physical health, your thoughts, and your relationships with other people.

Physical and Emotional Impacts

Financial stress affects our bodies the same as any other stress.  When we experience stress, our bodies go into a “fight or flight” mode.  This increases our heart rate and expends additional energy.  Financial stress on our bodies increases our risk for heart attack, diabetes, and stomach problems.  Strains on our bank accounts can even lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

 

Barriers to Financial Wisdom

The largest obstacle between financial wisdom and lowering our stress is our attitude.  In our quest to make the right decisions, we can become afraid of making the wrong one.  In turn, we make no decisions at all. Trying something new, and even possibly failing, is better than never making a move at all and continuing our bad financial habits.

 

Tips to Alleviate Financial Stress

Taking steps to make wise financial decisions can provide some immediate relief as well as motivate you for the long-term.  The following tips will help you understand why you make the financial decisions you do and give you the knowledge to alleviate the stress and strain on your wallet: 

• Change your perspective- Often when we have failed in the past, success seems farther out of reach than it actually is. Perceptions can easily be flawed.  Our attitudes about what we have control over and what we can’t control directly impact our level of success. 
• Identify unhealthy emotions- If you make a poor financial choice one day, this doesn’t mean you’re destined for failure. Guilt is never a helpful emotion.  Instead, focus on what you can change, rather than beating yourself up for your prior financial mistakes. 
• Know your weaknesses- Avoid places, people, or situations that will tempt you to spend money you don’t have. For example, if you’re prone to impulse spending after a stressful day at the office, try taking a walk or borrowing a movie from the library.  Practice saying “no” to people who pressure you to spend too much money.   
• Take small steps- We can all make big changes to how we save and spend, but it’s the little, daily steps that give us a sense of control. Simple changes like packing a lunch for work or making our own coffee at home can really add up.  Deposit the money you would have spent on restaurants, coffee shops, or additional expenses into your savings account.  Watch your money grow and the anxiety and worry shrink.  A little change can be a big boost to your financial confidence. 
• Communicate- Talking with your spouse or partner is critical to achieving your fiscal goals. What priorities do you share?  Where do you need to compromise?  When you are on the same page with the one you love, motivation and accountability come easy.
• Seek help- Look to the experts for help if you need it. Speaking with a legitimate professional can answer your financial questions and guide you toward a specific, attainable goal.  Why not benefit from their expertise?

Financial Tips that Make “Cents”

• Budget, budget, budget- Knowing how to track your money is critical. Establishing a clear budget shows you exactly how much inflow and outflow you have.  If you’re unsure how to make a budget, there are online tools and mobile apps available to teach you. 
• Cut expenses- Look for ways to trim your cash flow. Many websites offer information and comparisons on cell phone plans, Internet and television services, and utilities.  Finding ways to cut your expenses and look for bargains can be a fun challenge. 
• Pay off credit- Lower your bad credit by paying off debt as quickly as possible. Some experts classify bad debt as anything other than a mortgage, student loan, or car payment.  Always pay more than the minimum payment amount.  Tackle the credit card with the highest interest rate first. 
• Take advantage of free money- Take advantage of any employer programs that match your IRA or health savings contributions. Free money is a bonus.
• Know your credit score- Periodically check your credit score, making sure it’s correct. Increasing your credit score won’t happen overnight.  Paying your bills on time and lowering your debt will drastically improve your credit score, but it takes time.
• Start an emergency fund- Always put away extra to establish an emergency fund. Life will happen unexpectedly with costs you didn’t budget.  Having funds available, rather than accumulating more credit card debt, is the best way to go. 

Good money management gets easier the longer you stick with it.  Surround yourself with like-minded people, even if that’s simply by reading books or blogs.  Making wise financial decisions will continue to alleviate the stress and strain on your bank account, body, and mind. 

 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources: http://www.forbes.com/sites/financialfinesse/2012/08/29/10-common-money-management-mistakes-that-youre-probably-making/

 

Breaking Bad Habits Now

Habits form when we repeat an action and often they are very helpful to us. A signification portion of our daily routine is done without much thought, so habits free up our brains to focus on other tasks.  We form bad habits because they have short-term benefits, and we ignore the long-term consequences for this momentary payoff.  The more enjoyable the instant gratification, the harder the bad habit is to break.

Why is it so difficult to break bad habits?  When behaviors are enjoyable, even if they’re unhealthy, they can release a chemical in the brain called dopamine.  The habit becomes even stronger, and we continue doing it regardless of how we feel afterward (i.e. overeating, obsessively checking social media, etc.). 

Strategies to Break Bad Habits

It is possible to break bad habits, but how long it will take varies for everyone.  For example, if you’ve been eating unhealthy lunches for years, then it won’t be easy to switch to salads every day.  Smaller changes can make the transition out of a bad habit more bearable.  It’s a myth that it only takes a set amount of days to break a habit.  Everyone is different, and we all progress at our own rate.

 

Luckily, humans are good at learning how to exercise self-control.  Along the path to better habits, we must start by making a choice.  Here are several strategies to break bad habits:

• Getting Started
  • Identify purpose- Perhaps the most helpful strategy is to understand what purpose the bad habit serves. If you weren’t getting something from it, you wouldn’t keep doing it.  For example, maybe you smoke to help calm you down, or you overeat for comfort.  Once you’re able to identify the needs behind the habits, you can look for healthier alternatives. 
  • Identify progression- What actions typically lead up to your habit? Disrupting the progression of events that trigger your bad habit sets you up for greater success. 
  • Identify motivation- How would you assess your commitment to change? On a one-to-ten scale, how would you rate your motivation?  If you’re at a three, that’s not a shameful thing.  Instead of focusing on how to be a ten, consider what changes would take you from a three to a four.  Small adjustments can make a big difference.  Also, identify why you want to change.  Feeling a deep connection to your “why” helps make difficult choices worth it. 
  • Identify influence- Try to avoid individuals who are linked to dangerous habits like excessive drinking or drug use. Their influence could make you want to go back to the old behavior.
• Moving toward good habits
  • Plan ahead- Don’t trust your strength in the moment. Making a plan ahead of time for dealing with temptation prepares your mind to resist the urge.  Try calling a friend or someone to hold you accountable. 
  • Change environments- Be mindful of situations and temptations where it might be easy to continue in your behavior. Perhaps, you desire to change your eating habits.  Consider taking a new route home if you routinely pass a desirable fast food restaurant.  This will help to eliminate the potential for a slip-up.
  • Practice mindfulness- Pay attention to your mind and body. Be mindful of the emotions you’re experiencing and what’s going on in your body.  This will help you take better care of yourself. 
  • Replace with good- Trade out your bad habits for good ones. For example, swap out the time you once spent overeating and use it to exercise.  Create healthy, daily routines to help fill the need or craving of your bad habit.  It might not completely eliminate your desire, but it could subdue some of your bad habit urges.  Consider spending time with loved ones or develop a new hobby or interest. 
• Possible Setbacks along the Way
  • Not alone- You don’t have to do this alone. Find someone wanting to quit one of his or her bad habits and team up.  Or, consider partnering with someone who’s already quit as an accountability partner or mentor.  Don’t compete against each other, but encourage one another along the way.
  • Forgive- If you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Change takes time.  Some days you might take a step back before you keep moving forward.  Forgive yourself and keep trying. 

 

Rewards are also a great way to stay motivated during the journey from bad to good habits. Choose healthy rewards that won’t prove to be a gateway back to old behaviors, and congratulate yourself for even taking small steps.  You can also reward yourself by being vocal in your celebration.  You can literally rewire your brain by cheering, smiling, and clapping when you do something positive. 

As with any difficulty, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  To learn more about yourself and your habits, consider finding a therapist or support group.  You can also talk to your doctor about how to make healthy decisions.  They might be able to steer you toward the best strategy to break your bad habits and change them for the good. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/spring12/articles/spring12pg18-19.html

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/09/30/breaking-bad-habits

 

 

 

Coping with Change

Change is all around us.  From our first breath until our last, our lives will always be changing.  Our relationships, families, physical and mental health, jobs, communities, and finances continue to change, directly and indirectly affecting us. 

Trying to avoid change proves fruitless; it will always catch up to us.  Knowing a transition is coming can help us begin to mentally and emotionally prepare for a new situation. However, unexpected change is just as common.  Sudden negative events can easily become crises, and some may even prove traumatic.

Effects of Poor Coping Skills

Though change is not optional, your attitude is.  Attempting to avoid change or pretend it doesn’t exist will only harm you and possibly others in the process.  Poor coping skills to deal with the changes happening in and around you will negatively impact your body, thoughts, and emotions.  If you can’t cope well with change, you’re at a higher risk for symptoms of anxiety and depression.  Your overall physical health is likely to suffer.  Relationships with those you care about may grow strained and tense.  When you can’t effectively handle life’s changes it will only take a very small amount of stress to make you feel completely overwhelmed.  Defining your life goals and dreams will also become difficult and clouded. 

 

Positive Ways to Cope with Change

If you feel as if you’re not processing change as well as you could, be encouraged.  Your ability to cope with change, sometimes called resilience, is not a fixed value.  Bouncing back is a learned skill.  While some individuals naturally possess a greater resilience, you can increase your ability to positively cope with the changes that occur. 

 

Specific ways of acting and thinking will help you live a life that actually welcomes change.  You can also learn to adapt more easily to new experiences and environments.  The following tips are some strategies to help you cope well with the changes affecting your life, whether they are expected or unexpected: 

• Control- Learn to accept what you can and can’t control. We will spend an enormous amount of time and energy if we blame others and try to make them change.  If we constantly take another person’s actions personally, we can easily feel stuck in the situation.  The sooner we realize we can only control ourselves and not others, the more quickly we can bounce back.  Consider how you can take responsibility in the situation.  How can you change what’s happening?  What could you do to accomplish your goals?  Fix your mindset on the only thing you can control, and that’s you.
• Examine thinking- Sometimes when we feel stressed or anxious, our minds will go into overdrive. We might jump to worst-case scenarios or even imagine impossible or irrational situations.  However, slowing our minds down with some relaxation techniques will help us examine those wayward thoughts.  Focusing on the facts can help keep our thoughts and emotions under control.  This will also help you strategize where to put your energy and how to solve the problem. 
• Permission to grieve- Many changes in life take the form of losses. These can be positive, but even a good change can bring a sense of loss or sadness.  For example, graduating from college is a wonderful transition.  Regardless, you might miss the role of student, the environment or the friendships you enjoyed.  During change it’s important to allow yourself time to grieve what may have been lost such as a job, a title, your sense of security, a loved one, a pet, etc.  You’ll need time to embrace the change, take care of yourself, and possibly seek out support. 
• Timing- Being able to positively cope with change gives us the opportunity to look at past, present, and future perspectives.
  • Consider past challenges- One way to positively face change is to look back. This can serve to remind you of your ability to solve problems and adapt to new situations.  You can also examine these past experiences and look for areas of growth.  Ask yourself, “How would I handle these changes differently than before?  What strategies haven’t I tried before?”
  • Focus on the present- Both looking at the past and planning for the future have their value. However, remember not to lose sight of the present.  Take some time each day to practice relaxation exercises.  Focus on your breathing and senses to feel calmer and more ready to tackle new experiences.  Relaxation techniques will also help you notice your physical and emotional responses to stress and when to address them. 
  • Set future goals- Times of change are excellent opportunities to reflect on your values and purpose in life. Perhaps, you’ve been exhausting valuable time and effort on unimportant situations.  Having clear values and goals for the future help ward off the physical and emotional symptoms that emerge in changing and uncertain times. 

Humans were never intended nor built to weather all of life’s storms on their own.  Leaning on friends or family or seeking help from a medical or mental health professional can help you regain your energy, focus, and passion for your goals.  Support groups can also assist you in embracing the change, letting go, and moving onward and upward with your life.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:  http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx

Daily Money Management Tips

Do you control your money, or is it controlling you?  Managing money can be difficult for many reasons. While there is no shortage of advice available to you, it can feel overwhelming when you are deciding when and how to start making smarter financial decisions.  You might also feel confused about how to turn long-term strategies into daily habits. 

What is Money Management?

Money management is sometimes used interchangeably with the term, budgeting.  Quite simply, it is a way to visualize how your money is being spent and how it will be used in the future.  Any amount of money after all outstanding bills have been paid is a surplus, and quite literally, money in your pocket.  When you extend yourself beyond your means, you enter into a liability, or debt.  Money management controls the inflow and outflow in your budget. 

 

Daily Money Management Tips

How do we start controlling our money?  By starting today.  In order to reach your long-range financial goals, there are small but significant money principles you can apply now.  Here are a few strategies to help you with daily money management and make you feel more in control of your financial future:

• Keep track- Record everything you spend for one month to see where your money is going. There are a variety of software programs or free websites that can help you budget.  Knowing where you spend your money, and what you spend it on, is a critical step in budgeting.
• Make a budget- Set and follow a monthly budget. Factor in big expenditures, like insurance, as well as everyday expenses, such as gas and groceries.  If you pay a larger bill once a year, divide the total amount by twelve.  This allows you to budget monthly for the annual bill.  It requires discipline to manage your money strategically, but it’s worth the peace of mind knowing the money will be there when it’s time to pay the bill.
• Pay bills on time- Know when bills are due by keeping a bill calendar. Avoiding late fees is an easy way to keep money in your pocket.  If you are likely to forget, you can set up a direct payment from your bank account.   
• Check bank statements- Avoidance is not the answer when it comes to your bank statement, so be aware of your balance. Checking regularly keeps you informed of what you have and helps you feel more in control of your finances and future.
• Change small habits- Look for small ways to cut out any daily expenditure. Are you grabbing a coffee before work?  Make your own at home.  Hitting the vending machine for your mid-afternoon slump?  Bring an energy-boosting snack from home.  Simple changes like these are almost like making money. 
• Save first- People often plan to save, but they might think about it too late. It’s important to establish an emergency savings.  Pay yourself first by setting aside money in savings.  This challenges you to spend strategically with what you have left.
• Reward yourself- Thinking of a vacation or a special reward may act as an incentive and useful motivator to keep saving and reduce spending. Focus on what you can do with the money you save rather than what you can’t do. 
• Know Your Weaknesses- There are triggers for everyone when it comes to overspending. Does the end of a stressful day often find you at the mall?  How about online shopping during a sleepless night?  Knowing where you are most likely to trip up and avoiding those scenarios is key to minimizing overspending. 
• Set short-term goals- Tackling debt, paying off student loans, or saving for retirement can seem overwhelming to many people. Instead, focus on some shorter-term goals that work toward those larger financial goals.  For example, if you have a $10,000 student loan, focus on saving $1,000 and applying it to that debt.  Achieving smaller goals gives you the positive energy and momentum you need to make big dreams seem attainable. 
• Identify emotions- Just because you might make a poor financial choice today does not make you a failure. Guilt is not a helpful emotion.  Focus on what you can change, rather than beating yourself up for past financial mistakes.  Recognizing unhealthy and negative emotions will help keep your goals in focus and your mind in the right perspective. 
• Give- Perhaps, the greatest money managing strategy is to give some of it away to a non-profit organization or charity of your choice. Consider doing something meaningful and lasting with a portion of your income.  Not only will you feel good, it allows your money to work for many more people than just yourself and family. 

Applying these simple money-managing tools really does add up to significant change.  While money may not buy happiness, using it wisely does alleviate unnecessary strain and stress. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/financial-literacy/12-steps-home.asp

http://www.forbes.com/sites/financialfinesse/2012/08/29/10-common-money-management-mistakes-that-youre-probably-making/

 

 

 

Communication Skills

Communication happens all around us, and it’s more than mere words.  Communication comprises the messages and signals we send to others as well as the ones we receive.  Our verbal words are only a small percentage of the message that’s communicated.  Our nonverbal signals, such as tone, eye contact, and body language, make up the rest. 

Every day is an opportunity to grow in our verbal and nonverbal skills.  When we interact with our families, friends, coworkers, and even strangers, we encounter values and opinions different from our own.  How we react and respond to these differences can sharpen our communication skills.

Communication Tips

Just like exercising improves our overall physical health, good communication is a muscle that needs stretching.  The more you practice, the better you will become.  Even in conflict, there’s an opportunity to grow as a communicator.  The following guidelines will help you improve your verbal, nonverbal, and listening skills:

 

Verbal Communication

• Stay current- Sometimes it can be tempting to bring up past wrongs or grievances in a conversation. This tends to make the listener feel defensive and shut down.  Stay in the present and only discuss the current issue.  It can be helpful to write down your main points to keep yourself on task.    
• Use “I” statements- Statements that start with “I” instead of “you” will keep the other person from feeling attacked. For example, “I felt upset when you didn’t return my call.”  This keeps the focus on you and your feelings about the present situation.
• Avoid trigger words- Words such as “always” and “never” are not helpful in conversation. For example, “You never come home on time,” is much different than, “I feel angry when you don’t arrive home on time.”  Trigger words have an accusatory tone, igniting unwanted emotions in the conversation.

Nonverbal Communication

• Make eye contact- People know you’re interested when you make good eye contact, as it communicates value. They will also be more likely to hear what you are saying.  Be mindful though, as some cultures have different norms when it comes to eye contact. 
• Be consistent- Keep your nonverbal signals consistent. Your words, facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures should all be sending the same message.  Saying the words, “I love you,” while rolling your eyes and slouching is inconsistent.  Mixed signals create conflict. 

Listening Skills

• Practice good listening- Avoid interrupting the other speaker or simply biding your time until it’s your turn to speak. Instead, consider what values you might have in common and which ones are different.  Finding similarities or shared interests increases sensitivity.     
• Be empathetic- Put yourself in the other’s shoes by practicing active listening. This style of listening, also known as empathic listening, seeks to understand the thoughts and feelings behind the words.  When we’re empathic, we respect the other’s feelings and display patience and honesty.

Help for Difficult Conversations

No one is exempt from conflict, and all relationships will experience disagreement.  Improving your communication skills will help you navigate through a potentially challenging conversation.   

• Avoid being passive-aggressive- Never use a third person as a messenger when a face-to-face conversation is needed. Also, avoid writing out a message that should take place in person.  Trying to ignore the issue or the person will only cause emotions to flare and delay a possible solution.  Masking your thoughts in sarcasm or insults is not communicating your message with honesty and authenticity.
• Practice self-awareness- Consider why you feel the way you do. If you aren’t aware of your own emotions and opinions, you won’t be able to communicate them with confidence and clarity.  And if you’ve had a stressful day, don’t direct those emotions towards the person with whom you are communicating.   
• Grow from criticism- It’s easy to become defensive when someone critiques or attacks us verbally. However, lashing out in return won’t solve anything.  Instead, listen to what they are saying, and consider their feelings.  What is your responsibility regarding the information they shared?  It’s possible to grow from someone’s insights even if presented in an unfair way.  Weigh the information, and then decide if you should accept or ignore it. 
• Take a break- Every problem may not be resolved in one conversation. It’s easy for our emotions to take over when we communicate, but it’s important to stay calm and use our best thinking when we talk.  Taking a quick “time out” or a few minutes to cool down can help us respond neutrally rather than react aggressively.
• Ask for help- Some conversations can become heated quickly. Having a mediator or therapist can help each person feel heard, and the presence of this third party can also keep emotions from escalating.     

Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in life, but communication is possible no matter what the circumstance.  Every day provides new situations to practice our communication skills, so take opportunities when you see them to grow as an individual.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2

 

Eldercare

The transition from independent living to assisted care can be challenging for the elderly and their caregivers, but knowing when to make that change doesn’t need to be a mystery.  It’s important to talk with your aging loved one, family members, their doctor, and other professionals before making a change in their living situation or their daily routine. 

There are a few signs that indicate a transition in housing or additional assistance might be needed.  These can include:

• Taking medication incorrectly
• Signs of physical injury
• Weight loss
• Lack of hygiene
• Increase in car accidents
• Feeling suspicious of others
• Increasingly forgetful and/or disoriented

Options for Eldercare

There are several housing and health care options for your aging loved one to smooth the transition process: 

• Staying at home- Your loved one might feel comfortable continuing to live in their original home or apartment. Or, perhaps they move to a retirement community where amenities are more convenient, but they still live on their own.  The older adult at this stage might have assistive technology to help with daily tasks, such as adapted bathtubs, phones, medical alert devices, etc.  A home health aide may come to help with medication, dressing, or other hygienic needs. 
• Assisted living- This environment feels very home-like to many older adults. Additional assistance is offered with meals, laundry and social activities.  Also, nurses and medical assistants are available to assist with medications and other basic medical care. 
• Continuing care community- Here, your aging loved one is able to move through the stages of housing. They could enter first into the independent living portion.  Then, the older adult moves to assisted living or nursing home facilities as needed.  These accommodations offer a continuum of care as they experience deterioration in health or greater needs arise.
• Skilled nursing facilities- Those who do not need to be hospitalized but still require 24-hour nursing services can benefit from this housing situation. There are also rehabilitation services available for those who are capable of returning back to independent or semi-independent living. 

Eldercare Legal Issues

It’s important to discuss end-of-life decisions before your aging loved one becomes mentally incapacitated.  An attorney can help you and the older adult talk through the legal options and responsibilities.  The following list provides some basic legal definitions that are important for you to understand:

• Durable power of attorney- When a person becomes incapacitated and can’t make major financial decisions, a durable power of attorney comes into play. This is different than a power of attorney, which is effective only when the principle person is competent.  A health care power of attorney acts as a durable power of attorney, making medical decisions when a person is incapacitated. 
• Guardianship- When the court declares someone incompetent, a guardian, or conservator, is appointed. This person manages financial affairs, makes living arrangements, and handles medical decisions.
• Living will- This is a written statement where the person gives specific directions on medical treatments after they are incapacitated. These often include what life-sustaining measures should or should not be used.  A living will also states if the person desires their medical decisions be made by the health care power of attorney. 

Planning for Caregivers

Caregiving responsibilities range in levels of involvement.  Above all, it’s important to keep communication open between your aging loved ones, family members, doctors, and yourself.  The following tips will help you plan for a successful transition to caregiving for an older adult:    

• Be honest- Having open and honest dialogue with your parents or for whomever you will be providing caring is appropriate. Ask how they would like their needs met, and listen to any concerns or worries they might have.  Recognize there could be a level of grieving your loved one experiences, as they come to terms with the aging process. 
• Make a plan- Distinguish between what is urgent and what is moderately important, and then prioritize your plan of action. Consider having an alternative option in case your loved one’s first wishes aren’t available or don’t work.  Seek out medical, legal, and financial advice as needed, and be sure to involve other family members in the planning process.  Your plan might include:
  • Housing and accommodations options, such as meal delivery, home health services, etc.
  • Medical history, physician’s contact information for the older adult, and informing the doctor as to who is serving as the health care power of attorney.
  • A contact list of your loved one’s support network such as clergy, friends, neighbors, etc.
  • Financial plans including income sources, possible liabilities, and individual net worth.
  • Legal plans outlining the location of all wills, living wills, and legal documents. Establish who is acting as the power of attorney
• Get support- Caregiving for another can take a physical and emotional toll. Start early by developing a supportive team around you.  Delegate tasks to other family members to give yourself respite and a chance to enjoy spending time with your aging loved one.

Caring for another has its challenges.  However, eldercare is a gift, both to yourself and the one in your charge.  Staying informed about the legal, medical, and emotional aspects of eldercare can help maintain a positive transition for all.    

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c23141.htm

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/caregiving-resource-center/info-08-2010/gs_new_caregivers_rules.html

Assertiveness Skills

Standing up for yourself and your beliefs is necessary for healthy relationships at home, work, and play.  An assertive person is able to respect the convictions of another while clearly expressing his or her own needs and wants.   

Types of Personalities:

Many people confuse being assertive with being aggressive.  While assertive people can respectfully communicate their desires, aggressive people violate the values of others.  Here are some common categories of communication styles:   

• Assertive- The ability to clearly communicate what you want is a sign of an assertive communicator. Assertive people will stand up for themselves if they feel taken advantage of or if their rights are threatened.  They also typically think before they speak, and might write down their thoughts before communicating them to another individual.  Assertive people are able to clearly express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions without disrespecting another’s. 
• Passive- These individuals tend to go along with the crowd. They avoid conflict at all costs and don’t want to be involved.  Because passive individuals do not value their own thoughts and feelings as much as they do others’, people will notice.  As a result, others may not necessarily value them either, and will take advantage of them.  Passive people can also secretly resent their inability to say no.  Relationships may become strained or even ruined from persistently saying yes. 
• Aggressive- Not taking others’ thoughts and feelings into account is typical of an aggressive communicator. They tend to be bullies and can become easily angered.  An aggressive person may get what they want in the moment by inspiring fear, but people will learn to resent them and become defensive.   
• Passive-aggressive- A passive-aggressive person may say one thing but mean another. These individuals don’t address situations upfront.  Instead, they hide behind sarcasm and complain about others behind their backs.  Others can become frustrated because they do not know whether to believe them or not.

Assertiveness Benefits

Being assertive has many advantages as opposed to operating as a passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive person.  Because you respect yourself and your thoughts others will see this as well.  In turn, they will respect and value your thoughts and opinions more.  You are also free to exercise the right to say no and not assume too many responsibilities.  In addition, an assertive person can enjoy these benefits:

• Less stress
• Greater self-confidence
• Better life decisions
• Job satisfaction
• Honest and open relationships

Assertive or not?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to assess whether you use assertive communication with others or not.

• Assertive
  • When you don’t understand or can’t do something, do you ask for help?
  • If you disagree with others, do you offer your opinion?
  • Do you speak with a confident tone of voice? Are you easily able to make eye contact with people?
• Not Assertive
  • Do people feel comfortable talking over you?
  • Do people assume you will say yes when they ask you to do something?
  • Do you frequently become angry with yourself when you are unable to express your thoughts?
  • Do people you supervise at work fail to follow your lead?

Growing in Assertiveness

Being assertive may not come naturally to everyone. Just because your typical communication style differs doesn’t mean that you can’t become more assertive.  Here are some practical ways to become a more effective communicator and stand up for yourself: 

• I versus you- Use “I” statements as opposed to “you” statements. For example, “I don’t agree with that statement,” instead of “You’re completely wrong.”
• Practice saying no- If saying no proves difficult, run through a practice conversation in the mirror or with a friend. Don’t feel like you need to give a long explanation.  Be direct. 
• Eye contact- Pay attention to your body language and emotions. You should make eye contact with people.  Stay calm, stand, or sit up straight. 
• No blaming- People tend to shut down or grow defensive if they feel blamed for a situation. While it might feel good to blame someone, it isn’t helpful.  The individual will not be able to hear and consider your thoughts when they feel accused of wrongdoing. 
• Trigger words- When we’re angry, we tend to speak in extremes. Avoid words like “always” and “never” when angry. 
• Humor- Do your best to keep the mood light. Laughter and humor are excellent coping mechanisms.
• Anger- Consider if anger is what makes you an aggressive communicator, instead of an assertive one. Anger management training and assistance might be a helpful resource.

An assertive person learns to choose their battles wisely because not every argument is worth it.  Holding a grudge is never helpful, so sometimes you have to let the issue go.  You may not be able to win every argument, and some people may not be able to hear your thoughts.  But when the moment presents itself, an assertive person is able to stand up, speak clearly and calmly, and be heard.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644

http://well.wvu.edu/articles/becoming_assertive__not_aggressive

http://cmhc.utexas.edu/assertiveness.html

 

 

 

Bouncing Back: Leaning to be Resilient

Resilience is the ability to adapt well in response to stressful events. In our lives we may experience tragedy, adversity, or real or perceived sources of stress. These events can occur in our family or significant relationships, workplace, health, or financial situations. 

Resilience is not something you either have or don’t have.  While many people are naturally resilient in some ways, it is also a skill that can be developed and even learned. With practice, you can learn behaviors, thoughts, and actions to help you bounce back after trials.

We are all still human no matter how resilient we are. We have emotional and even physical responses to a bad day, but we can train our mind and bodies to bounce back. When individuals find it too difficult to recover from hardship, there is a greater chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

Qualities of Resilience

 

What does a resilient person look like?  Typically, a person who adapts well to stressful life experiences is also a good communicator and problem-solver.  He or she is able to identify and control their emotions rather than be mastered by them.  Resilient people have strong self-confidence and self-esteem, believing in their abilities. They are able to set goals, make plans, and follow through with them.  They also don’t hesitate to lean on supportive family or other relationships like friends, support or faith-based groups, or mental health professionals, such as a licensed counselor or therapist. 

 

Building Resilience in Stressful Times

 

Do you consider yourself a person who bounces back from life’s challenges and setbacks?  Someone who lacks resilience may focus on life’s problems and feel like a victim.  Others may turn to unhealthy behaviors or develop a substance abuse problem.  There are genuine ways to improve your reaction to the life’s challenges.  Consider the following ideas as resiliency strategies:

• Build relationships- Reconnect with friends and family. Join a local support group or community organization.  Check out a faith-based group for support or to aid others.  Helping another person in need helps you find hope in your own stressful times.
• Be confident in decisions- Make a plan for change and stick with it. Worrying about problems or avoiding them entirely will not change your current reality.  Focus on your abilities, and trust your instincts. 
• Be goal-focused- Instead of feeling overwhelmed by what you cannot do or control, start with small, attainable goals. These should be measurable, so you can celebrate your accomplishments.
• Accept what you cannot change- We cannot avoid everything in life. Focus on your reactions to stress and what you can change instead of the inevitable.
• Focus on the facts- Most of our worries in day-to-day life are about what could happen rather than what we’re actually facing. Sticking to the facts of the situation rather than your fears of what could be can help you focus on finding a solution.
• Discover what’s new- Every challenge you face is a new opportunity to grow. Do you see any positive traits you’ve acquired as a result or in spite of tough times?  Seeing challenges as an opportunity to improve your life can eliminate stress.
• Taking care of you- There is no substitute for proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation techniques. The more healthy energy you have, the more you’ll be able to bounce back.
• Laugh- Remember to laugh. Resiliency experts have found that the ability to laugh at life helps people cope better through difficult times.  Laughter can even ease physical, emotional, and mental pain.

The Benefits of Growing in Resilience

There are several advantages to building resilience.  One of the greatest benefits is the ability to learn from your experiences and see them as opportunities.  When life is viewed from this perspective it is easier to adapt to new situations and remain hopeful in the face of uncertainty. 

 

There are questions you can ask yourself to find the right strategy for learning to bounce back. Consider the following:

What stressful events have I already experienced? 

Who did I reach out to during these times? 

What did I learn?

What or who gave me hope?

How was I able to overcome? 

 

Finally, be courageous and ask for help when you need it.  There are support groups and programs in your community that can help you you in stress and crisis.  There are countless resources online and in print for bouncing back after adversity.  A licensed mental health professional is also an excellent resource to learn resiliency.  You don’t have to wait for a crisis to practice building resiliency. Start building your bounce-back potential today.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311?pg=2

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311

Caring for an Aging Loved One

With hospital stays becoming shorter and medical costs rising, more families have to make difficult decisions about their loved ones.  The aging population is growing; and while the details may be different, caring for an aging loved one is becoming commonplace in homes around the country.  Over 65 million Americans are currently caring for a loved one.  Of those caregivers, nearly two-thirds work outside the home in addition to tending to their family member. 

Caregiver Responsibilities

Caregivers help in many areas, including grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and   administering medication.  Also, they often assist with helping a loved one bathe, eat, dress, and use the restroom, but there is much more involved than the physical care of an aging loved one.  At times, the emotional needs may be even greater.  Loss of their home, health, and/or brain function can be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining to both the patient and caregiver.  There might also be communication needs, where you are functioning as the spokesperson for your loved one.  It’s essential to be mindful of yourself and your needs as a caregiver; as caregiving places unique demands on an individual and on the family unit. 

 

Involving Your Aging Loved Ones

Respecting your loved one and keeping them involved in the caregiving process is both honoring and dignifying for them.  Long-term planning regarding medical, financial, and housing situations is critical; and your aging loved one should be included in all those decisions.  

Health and medical guidance from doctors, home health aides, and physical and/or occupational therapists will serve invaluable in the transition.  You might have questions about how diseases might progress, how to make your caregiving experience easier, and how to prevent injury to yourself and aging loved one.  Researching the growing number of assistive devices can also be very helpful, as this technology can allow your loved one to assume more daily responsibility, and to enjoy greater mobility in life. 

 

Communication with Your Family

Communication in any family is tricky at times.  Maneuvering emotionally charged topics, like caregiving, can be especially difficult.  Here are some proven strategies to help guide your conversation:

• If your loved one is battling memory loss, important conversations may be more complicated. Give yourself plenty of time, be patient with your loved one(s), and remove distractions from the room. 
• Clearly convey your point of view without manipulating or coercing agreement. The recipient of care should be actively involved in the process as much as they can be. 
• Listen carefully to others’ thoughts and ideas. Communicate and show respect for their thinking, even if you disagree.
• Plan important conversations ahead of time. Outline your main points, so as not to do all the talking.  Avoid blaming anyone or attempting to “win” the argument.  Remember, an honest and honorable conversation is the goal.  

Care for the Caregiver

While the task of caregiving holds rewards like precious time and memories, it also may take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health.  You will only be able to care for another to the degree you care for yourself.  Some caregiver stress symptoms are fatigue, irritability, changes in sleep and weight, and losing interest or pleasure in activities.  Without proper attention these indicators place you at risk for depression and anxiety.  The following are some helpful strategies for dealing with caregiver stress:

• Use teamwork- Ask others where they would like to help, and let them. When family members choose their tasks they are more likely to stick with them. 
• Say goodbye to guilt- Guilt is never a helpful emotion. Not everything will be perfect, so focus on what you can do rather than the limitations.  Remember, asking for help is a sign of great strength and humility.
• Stay informed- Many nonprofit organizations offer classes about aging, dementia, and other caregiving topics.
• Keep connections- Family members may need ideas or help to figure out how to be involved. Maintain strong connections by keeping everyone informed. Don’t assume people aren’t interested if they don’t ask you for information.
• Update your doctor- Inform your doctor of your caregiving responsibilities so he or she can be on the lookout for caregiver stress indicators.
• Be healthy- Maintaining good sleep, eating, and exercise habits are necessities for you. Do not feel guilty or apologize for taking care of yourself.
• Seek support- Knowing you are not alone is vital. There are many support groups as well as individual counseling opportunities that specifically cater to caregivers.

Remember, caring for an aging loved one is a “transitional” time.  Essentially, roles are reversing as the adult child becomes the “parent,” and frustration and discomfort are common if dealing with an uncooperative family member.  While there will be bumps in the road and sacrifices to be made, the opportunity to spend this limited time with your aging loved one can be a priceless gift. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

Sources:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784

http://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/caregiving/agingparent.htm

 

Mindfulness

When we’re constantly busy and judging our performance in life, work, and relationships, we can easily become stressed.  This pressure and consistent negative thinking puts you at a greater risk of anxiety and depression.  Excessive planning and problem solving can be taxing.  Mindfulness is one way to redirect you away from these thoughts and start living in the moment.  A meditative and relaxation practice, mindfulness is focusing on the present moment and your senses.  Mindfulness reflects on these experiences in a non-judgmental way.  You begin to see the world around you through a new lens, and instead of seeing life critically you start to become curious.      

Why Practice Mindfulness?

There are many benefits to incorporating mindfulness into your life.  From an emotional and physical standpoint, mindfulness helps fight depression, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms.  Researchers have found that practicing mindfulness meditation may improve your memory, your ability to learn, and your self-esteem.  Redirecting your thoughts can help you feel better about yourself, take better care of yourself, and raise your mood.  Many times our minds dwell on past mistakes, fears, or even hopes for the future.  Mindfulness helps us to stay in the present and keeps us calm enough to practice good decision-making.  Our work life can also improve when we spend less time on negative thoughts.  Mindfulness allows us to be more creative and thoughtful in our work.      

 

How to Practice Mindfulness

Learn the meditative practice of mindfulness by following the steps listed:

1. Focus and practice good breathing. Begin by sitting up straight in a chair with your feet flat on the floor.  Pay attention to what it feels like to breathe in and out.  Relax your mind and dismiss other thoughts.  Notice your abdomen as it rises and falls with each breath.  If your mind does begin to wander, don’t judge yourself.  Gently redirect your thoughts back to the exercise.  If you are finding it difficult, search online or watch YouTube clips for breathing exercise instructions.
2. Pay attention to your senses. Focusing on your senses can help you feel calmer.  For example, find a piece of fruit and smell, feel, and look at the fruit.  Take a bite, chewing and tasting it slowly.  This practice can relax you and possibly teach you more about your relationship with food.  You can also try paying attention to your senses while walking outside.  Whether you’re in your backyard or at a busy street corner, you can stop and pay attention to what you hear, see, and smell.  Take a deep breath.  Direct your mind away from any negative or stressful thoughts and towards the present moment. 
3. Look at what’s familiar. Focus on an object you use or encounter every day.  Look at it with fresh eyes, in a way you’ve not noticed it before.  You might find a new appreciation for the world when you stop and truly pay attention. 
4. Listen carefully to others. Truly listen to people you’re meeting for the first time and those you’ve known a long time.  Hear what they’re saying with new ears.  Consider what they’re trying to convey and how they might experience the world differently than you do. 
5. Delay judgment. We tend to size people up immediately.  When we are slow to judge others, we may be less negative about the world around us.  This gives us an opportunity to discover what’s special about the individual and what we can learn from people.

When to Practice Mindfulness

The following tips will help you discover the best time to engage in mindfulness:

• Look for patterns. Do you find yourself getting more stressed or negative at certain parts of the day?  Begin to look for patterns to your thinking.  If you notice a particular event, environment, or time of day that triggers these reactions, consider engaging in mindfulness beforehand to counteract them.
• Find your space. Set aside a few minutes every day to practice breathing techniques.  Create a special, quiet place for you to relax.  Begin to feel yourself unwind.  A safe and positive place can make all the difference when releasing stress and tension. 
• Use every moment. Some mindfulness activities, like listening carefully and engaging your senses, can be practiced any time during the day.  Likewise, almost any activity lends itself to mindfulness, from checking your email to shopping at the grocery store.  Simply tune in to your breathing, your other senses, and who is around you.    
• Establish a routine. Mindfulness might seem awkward or uneasy at first.  However, as you practice it every day for several months, mindfulness will begin to feel more natural.  Researchers suggest committing to mindfulness techniques for six months to establish a solid routine.    

When you practice mindfulness, great things can happen.  Instead of mindlessly eating in front of the television each day to deal with stress, you can experience all this world has to offer.  In short, being mindful takes you off autopilot to notice new things with greater enthusiasm.    

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356http://newsinhealth.nih.gov/issue/Jan2012/Feature2

 

 

 

 

Managing Finances

With the average American credit card balance at $11,000, there’s no time like the present to start managing our finances.  Controlling personal cash flow can be difficult.  For most people, the number one problem with money management is they just want more, the higher the amount, the better to support the “buy, buy, buy” culture.  The other reason controlling finances can be complicated is due to the wealth of financial information available.  Knowing where to start can seem overwhelming. 

What is Money Management?

The term “budgeting” is sometimes used synonymously with money management.  Budgeting is simply a means to visualize how much money is coming in, going out, and how it’ll be used in the future.  After all your bills are paid, any surplus is “money in your pocket.”  Extending yourself beyond your means enters you into a liability, or debt.   

 

Financial Management Tips

If your desire is to control your money, instead of the other way around, there are small but significant money principles you can implement now.  Here are a few strategies to help you manage your money:

• Track your spending- The first step to controlling your cash is to track where it goes. Do you know how much you spend in a month on food, rent, utilities, and entertainment?  Write down how much money you use in a one-month period.  There are countless software options and apps for your mobile device to track your spending.  If you have bills you only pay once or twice a year, such as insurance policies, be sure to calculate what the monthly cost of those would be. 
• Make a monthly budget- Having a way to visualize cash flow is necessary for wise financial management. Allocate money each month to begin an emergency fund.  This can then be used for unexpected costs that arise, and it’ll keep you from having to accumulate more debt. 
  • Look for money drains- Are you losing money in ways you could easily avoid? Taking a little time now to price-compare for utilities, phone, cable, and Internet services can really make a difference.  Consider ways to trim your dining and entertainment budgets as well.  Pack your lunch, borrow movies from the library, and cancel magazine subscriptions you no longer use. 
  • Avoid impulse purchases- Buying something you really don’t need might make you feel good in the moment, but chances are, you’ll regret it later. If you don’t have the cash to buy it, you shouldn’t really be considering it.  Delaying gratification and shopping around for the best price can be exciting and rewarding.
• Save first- Deposit the money you want to save each month right away.
  • Pay yourself- When you deposit your savings first, it ensures you’ll actually do it, rather than seeing what’s left over at the end of the month.
  • Save for retirement- It seems obvious to save for the future, but we often prioritize the immediate for the long-term. Many employers offer matching programs for retirement or health savings.  Take advantage of this free money.  Today is the perfect day to start.
• Pay bills on time- Avoid late payment penalties and damage to your credit score. If you struggle to remember, set up a direct bill payment plan through your bank.  You can also make a bill payment calendar manually or through your mobile device. 
• Avoid credit card debt- If you’re unable to pay the balance on your credit cards each month, you should stop using them. It’s too easy to let your credit card debt grow faster than you can pay it off.  Instead, work on paying off the balance to avoid high interest rate charges.  Always pay more than the minimum suggested.
• Know your long-term financial goals- What are your future desires? Would you like to own a home, a new car, or help your kids through college?  Is there a certain age by which you’d like to retire?  There are a variety of tools available online to estimate these costs and help you begin saving for them today.
• Get your credit report and score- It’s important to periodically check your credit report and score for accuracy. Maintaining a high three-digit credit score can yield lower credit rates.
• Reward yourself- Having a special purchase or vacation in mind can be a useful motivator to making small, daily changes. Think about how it will feel to have a credit card or other debt paid off.  Consider how you can celebrate in a financially responsible way. 

If you’re not in a good financial place right now, it won’t help feeling guilty over the money mistakes you’ve made in the past.  Focus on the present and how you can make these simple, small changes to your everyday life.  Wise money management will positively impact you and your family’s life and future.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.patreasury.gov/assets/pdf/Tips-PersonalFinance.pdf

 

 

Improving Communication Skills

Communication is all around us.  Whether we are actively engaged in conversation, listening intently for a newborn’s cry, or rolling our eyes in exasperation, messages are being sent, received, and processed every moment.  While communication is somewhat instinctive, effective communication is a learned skill.  It is more than simply swapping ideas or general information.  Effective communication also grasps the emotion behind the message. 

Mastering the skills of communication may improve relationships at home and work, aid in decision-making, and streamline problem solving.  Additionally, strong communication is beneficial when difficult or potentially controversial messages are necessary. 

Clear verbal and nonverbal messages, along with active listening, shape the skills needed for effective communication.  Active listening is the art of empathic listening, where one hears the spoken words while striving to understand what the other person is feeling, sensing, and thinking.  In active listening, you perceive the verbal messages and the nonverbal cues.  Verbal words make up only a percentage of what is communicated. Therefore, it is imperative to train yourself to understand nonverbal signals and become a master at active listening.

There are many strategies for sharpening your communication skills.  Consider these principles to help guide your speaking skills, body language and tone, and active listening skills:

 

Improving Verbal Communication

• Be assertive- The word assertive is often misunderstood to mean aggressive, however, when you are assertive you are simply stating your point of view. Being assertive eliminates bullying and may even decrease stress.  A clear response allows you to say “no” when needed and avoid too many commitments.  When someone is aggressive, the listener might feel defensive and reactive.  On the contrary, a passive communicator might be quick to over-commit by saying “yes” to tasks for which they do not have time.  Avoid conflict by communicating a straightforward, assertive message. 
• Focus on facts- Begin your conversation by describing what you see or hear in a situation. Be specific and avoid exaggerations and generalizations; smooth talking will not replace general knowledge.  Once the facts are presented you can then offer your thoughts or feelings.
• Avoid trigger words- There are certain words it is helpful to avoid. For example, it is much easier to exaggerate when emotional, so eliminating “always” and “never” will help to decrease the emotion behind those statements.  Also, instead of starting a conversation with “You,” rephrase it to an “I” statement.  For example, “I feel frustrated when you forget to clean the kitchen.”  “I” statements are accurate and avoid placing blame or guilt on another.

 

Improving Nonverbal Communication

• Stay present- When you are participating in a conversation, be aware of your distractions and watch your body language. If you are constantly checking your phone or watch, you are no longer communicating your attention. 
• Stay focused- It is easy to bring up past grievances or issues in a heated conversation. Nothing will distract you faster from your present goal than referring to past issues.
• Stay cool- Good communication might be a multi-step process, and sometimes emotions can run high. Take a time-out if needed to cool off or just refresh yourself if you feel fatigued. 

 

Improving Active Listening

Remember, the goal of active listening is to understand, to the best of your ability, what the speaker is thinking, feeling, and sensing.  Try to be empathic and really hear their point of view.  Active listening goes much deeper than simply hearing the words; you also honor the person saying them.  You do not have to agree with everything they say, but a good way to minimize conflict is to seek to understand and be genuine. 

 

Communication is challenging because each person in a relationship has his or her own perspective on what happened.  So perhaps one of the greatest strategies of communication is to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for them.  If you feel stuck in communication, be willing to ask for help.  There are some conversations and conflicts that simply cannot be resolved between two people.  Having a mediator or professional involved will help navigate appropriate and fair communication.  This might truly be the best option to maintain or grow a healthy relationship. 

 

Benefits of Improved Communication

There are many benefits to improving your communication skills.  In addition to bettering your relationships, effective communication may help boost your self-esteem.  Being able to clearly articulate thoughts, feelings, and needs demonstrates a level of self-worth.  You also might notice a genuine enjoyment for your job or other roles in life.  Last, being able to recognize your own emotions and those of others will prove an invaluable resource in your life.  Improving and fine-tuning effective communication skills can be hard work, but the results are worth the effort. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

 

Sources:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2

Relaxation Techniques

 

Stress is a natural part of life, and how we choose to manage it is critical to our wellbeing.  Knowing how and when to practice relaxation can help you manage stress in a healthy way.

 

The Stress/Relaxation Relationship

 

Sometimes there are interruptions in life, or adjustments we have to make, that cause stress. Our body is built to handle stress and produces physical, emotional, and mental responses to the event.  Stressors can serve a positive function, such as helping you stay alert to give an important presentation at work. However, continual stress without relaxation or relief takes its toll on our physical and mental health.

 

Our body’s reaction to stress is called the “fight or flight” response. Hormones are released when we encounter stressors, and energy pumps to our heart and muscles to take action. While short-term stress can increase productivity and performance, having a constant or hyper-normal stress response to life can wear down the body. Balancing our alertness to life and its challenges with activities of relaxation can improve our health and our minds. 

 

Relaxation techniques are intentional practices used to produce the body’s natural relaxation response. These skills slow breathing rate, lower blood pressure, reduce headaches and insomnia, and improve overall health. These activities are tools that will improve our quality of life if we set aside time to practice them.

 

Stress Symptoms and Relaxation Benefits

 

When the stress response is constantly activated in our bodies, a number of medical issues can occur.  Stress is a contributing factor to high blood pressure, irritable bowel conditions, hypertension, and even strokes, so working on reducing stress is a valuable investment to your future health.

 

Engaging and practicing our relaxation response results in limitless advantages. Some measureable benefits include better concentration, lower heart and breathing rates, and reduction in chronic pain.  You also might experience less fatigue, irritability, and muscle tension. 

 

Types of Relaxation Techniques.

 

To reduce chronic stress in your life, consider incorporating one or more of these relaxation techniques into your daily routine:

 

• Autogenic relaxation- Paying attention to your body is a great way to reduce stress. People who practice this form of relaxation focus on peaceful images or words while tuning into their breathing, heart rate, and physical sensations.
• Progressive muscle relaxation- With this technique, you slowly tense and relax individual muscles. Start with your feet and work up to your head.  This practice teaches awareness of muscle tension when you are stressed. 
• Biofeedback- There are electronic devices you can use to measure physical responses to stress. With instant feedback, you can take notes on what exercises relax you the most.
• Guided imagery- Begin by replacing negative images with positive, peaceful ones. For example, you might envision a day at the beach or relaxing in a hammock under the shade. 
• Music- Believe it or not, listening to music can lower your heart rate and blood pressure. Focus on the music and sing out loud if possible. 
• Laughter- Watching your favorite funny movie or catching up with a witty friend can be just what the doctor ordered, so to speak. Laughter lowers cortisol, your body’s stress hormone, and promotes brain chemicals called endorphins to lift your mood. 
• Gratitude- There is much to say for approaching life with a positive attitude and good perspective. Writing down things we are grateful for or even sending a thank you note to someone can help remind us of what is truly important. 
• Be present- Focus on what’s in front of you by using your senses. Practice being present in your relationships, at work, and by yourself.  Push aside thoughts about your to-do list, future events, and things in the past.  Try keeping your thoughts on the here-and-now. 

 

These exercises can be done alone or with the help of another person. If you’re not sure where to start, programs and classes in your community may offer activities that practice many of these techniques, such as yoga, meditation, and art therapy.  Consider downloading an app or searching for guided exercises online.  Different exercises work for different people, so keep trying until you find a technique that works best for you.

 

Relaxation techniques are most effective when they are combined with other tools for healthy living. Proper rest, a healthy diet, and exercise can all contribute to reducing stress. Consider asking a loved one or counselor for support.  Relaxation techniques are not a substitute for medical treatment in the event of an illness.  Seek medical attention when necessary and implement these helpful strategies to prevent and reduce the amount of stress in your life.

 

While relaxation techniques won’t eliminate the stress in your life, they will aid in managing your stress-load. Regardless of where you land on the stress spectrum, from feeling overwhelmed to managing your stress well, these activities will reduce the effects of stress on your mind and body. Relaxation techniques are low-cost, low-risk for injury, and can be performed almost anywhere.  There is nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

 http://nccam.nih.gov/health/stress/relaxation.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368

http://umm.edu/programs/sleep/patients/relaxation

 

 

 

 

 

 

Volunteering and Mentoring

Donating your time, expertise, and service for the good of another is the essence of volunteerism.  While the concept is increasing in popularity and trending among all age groups, volunteerism is rich in history, spanning from the battlefield to the inner city streets.  Its focus has remained the same through the generations—to encourage goodness and improvement in humanity’s quality of life.   

The Faces Behind Volunteerism

There are as many ways to volunteer your time as there are organizations that welcome it.  Volunteering is not only a “feel-good” activity but an integral part of our communities as well.  More than 60 million Americans serve as volunteers or mentors, donating more than eight billion hours of service each year. 

 

With all that help, do they really need more?  How would one more person really make a difference?  Consider for a moment what would happen if volunteers just stopped serving.  Homeless shelters would close.  Food pantries would be empty.  Community parks would be full of trash.  The elderly might be forgotten.  The visually impaired might not have trained service animals.  Afterschool programs would cease to exist, leaving countless children susceptible to life on the streets.  Without volunteers, the impact on our towns, schools, parks, museums, and faith-based institutions would be catastrophic. 

 

What Do Volunteers Do?

Volunteers provide a variety of services and support throughout our nation.  Some of the activities in which volunteers and mentors participate include answering phones, delivering meals, serving as volunteer firefighters and emergency medical technicians, working on political campaigns, caring and training animals, building homes and infrastructure, beautifying parks, and assisting with arts and cultural exhibits. 

 

Volunteers who provide support and guidance to young people are known as mentors, and while mentoring can be a much bigger commitment than other types of service, it can also be even more rewarding.  Check with your local schools, community non-profits, or faith community to find out more about mentoring opportunities and how you can start.

 

Why Volunteer?

Being able to make a difference in the life of another, and often your own as well, is one of the greatest advantages of volunteerism.  It is also a healthy way to cope after the news of a disaster or tragedy of some kind.  Believing it is a valuable part of education, many high schools across the country require students to volunteer a certain amount of hours in order to graduate.  In addition, there are many other reasons to donate your time:

• Promote health- Research shows that focusing on another and helping them can reduce stress and interrupt your body’s patterns of tension. In addition, volunteers note an increase in overall happiness and pride.
• Build relationships- A community is only as strong as its people. Friendships often emerge from volunteering, and neighborhoods grow closer.  Every person counts, and each volunteer makes a difference.     
• Deepen Values- For many volunteers, the experience alone is enough to reshape, redirect, or further deepen their core values, perspectives, and life goals. It may even spur on greater spiritual and/or emotional growth.
• Increase purpose- Many a successful businessman or woman has confessed to feeling “empty,” despite reaching the top of his or her career. Volunteering is a means to engage in a truly life changing experience where one finds meaning and purpose. 
• Prepare for a career- Opportunities to experience a trade before investing a lot of time and money for the formal training can be an invaluable exploratory tool. Try out a variety of volunteer jobs and gain valuable experience you might need for a career in that field.  You also might connect with a future employer or make a solid networking connection.  In addition, volunteer experience is an asset on any résumé, job or college application. 
• Encourage learning- You can develop a variety of skills and passions from volunteering. Receiving and giving training demonstrates your ability to be a good student and teacher.
• Save money- When you volunteer your time, the funds saved can be reallocated to other needs. The estimated value of a volunteer’s work in terms of average hourly pay is $15.39 an hour.  This amounts to considerable savings in an organization.  Volunteer work is valued at over $150 billion in the United States alone.
• Develop good citizenship- Becoming a volunteer makes you an integral part of your community and develops civic responsibility. It will also keep you informed about the news and needs in your area. 

Time vs. Money

There is no denying it; volunteering or mentoring is a sacrifice.  Anyone can write a check, but donated time is a great gift and a commodity we all have.  How are you spending yours?  You will never get back minute for minute the time you donate to volunteerism.  But most volunteers would argue you receive much, much more in return. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

If you are interested in making a difference through volunteerism, search out opportunities based on your interests and commitment levels at http://www.volunteerguide.org/. 

Sources:

http://www.idealist.org/info/Volunteer/Why

https://students.ucsd.edu/student-life/involvement/community/reasons.html

 

 

 

Time Management

Every human being has exactly 24 hours in every day, but how we spend those hours is our choice.  Our responsibilities can range from work to family to everything in between, and without time management, it can seem as if we all have too much demand and not enough supply.

What is Time Management?

Time management is how you prioritize your waking hours to increase efficiency and productivity.  At some point or another, every individual has to consider how he or she can best manage the minutes in his or her day.  Countless books, websites, seminars, classes, and day-planners exist to squeeze the maximum value from each moment.  Despite all the knowledge and devices we might own, sometimes it still feels like there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish the demands.  This often produces stress, leading to additional strains. 

 

Time management is possible because time is relative.  While clock time is exact, depending on what we are doing, time seems to move quickly or very slowly.  Time is also relative when age is considered.  A busy parent packing for tomorrow’s vacation might feel as if they blinked and the day was over.  However, a child could feel ready to explode in anticipation and the waiting is nearly too much to bear.  Time, therefore, is relative to our perceptions.  Since it’s relative, time is manageable. 

Time Management Tips

There is no shortage of material when searching for time management tools.  Here are a few practical and proven strategies for timely success:

• Just like people keep a food diary to track their daily intake, consider making a time log for a typical day or week. Record the time you expend on thoughts, conversations, and activities.  Obviously, daily schedules vary, but this exercise will give you a greater understanding of where you are productive or wasteful. 
• Schedule an “appointment” with yourself to accomplish tasks. Set a specific start and end time, so you can look forward to stopping if it’s an unpleasant task.
• Take daily time to plan your day. This is one of the most effective ways to use your time wisely and remain focused. Schedule important tasks during your premium hours of performance to be the most productive, and consider giving your attention to phone calls or emails during a scheduled time.
• Clearly define the desired outcome for a conversation or activity. This allows you to gauge success, and you can find small ways to reward yourself when you’ve met your goal.
• Eliminate or minimize social media and other distractions while working. If your work allows you small breaks to peruse the Internet, get a snack, or take a walk, then schedule those times rather than using them to interrupt your work or procrastinate.

Time Management Principles

Organization- Despite the volume of time management information available, one component upon which most agree is organization.  Though organization might seem like a costly time investment on the front-end, the benefits will far outweigh the overall costs. 

It is nearly impossible to maximize your time effectively in a cluttered and disorderly workspace. Even with a well-ordered schedule, time will be lost searching for important documents or items, and tasks cannot be completed in a streamlined fashion. 

Prioritizing- As long as there is time, there will always be a “tyranny of the urgent.”  Some things may feel immediately pressing when ultimately, they might not be all that important.  There is a key difference between being efficient and being effective.  You may complete a multitude of tasks or answer many emails, but if they lack in priority, it’s somewhat for naught.  Consider the motivation behind efficiency over effectiveness.  Are you possibly procrastinating on important tasks simply to shorten a to-do list?

Goal setting- One can never underestimate the power of goal setting.  Without a clear idea of what you hope to accomplish you can’t possibly know whether or not you have achieved success.  Establishing a plan with clearly defined goals is critical for effective time management.  When goal setting, remember these key elements: goals should be specific, attainable, and measurable.  As you plan, you should be able to break your end-goal into steps and review your progress. 

Positivity- One should never forget the power of a positive attitude.  If you approach your goal thinking, “Why bother?  I always fail,” you will probably never succeed.  Staying positive and celebrating small goals will likely ensure greater victory in the long term.  When you make mistakes or are not able to complete your goal, forgive yourself and start fresh. 

Ultimately, time management is an art form and the quality of end-results outweighs the quantity.  Budgeting time seems more important than ever before with the pace of most people’s lives.  In addition to the satisfaction of time used wisely, you will also improve your goal setting, prioritizing, and organizing skills.  We all have the same 24 hours in a day, so how will you spend yours? 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/time-management

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/219553#

http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/time.htm

 

 

Self-Help Groups

When tragedy, crisis, or just everyday life cause problems to arise, people tend to lean on family and friends for support.  However, sometimes it can be helpful to be with others who are dealing with the same issue, life situation, disease, or addiction.  When a group of individuals who share a common problem get together to help each other heal, they form what is called a self-help, or support, group.  The term “self-help” implies that the group members provide support to strengthen the individual to cope and problem-solve. 

Purpose of Self-Help Groups

Self-help groups rely on self-disclosure.  As long as the participants feel comfortable, they will share details and information regarding their situation.  In addition, their feelings, worries, and attempts at healing or recovery are expressed.  When individuals hear another person’s story, concerns, or successes and failures, they begin to feel accepted and less alone in their own life and situation.  This is especially helpful, as many life circumstances, like a disability or illness, can feel isolating. 

 

Types of Self-Help Groups

There is a vast variety of self-help groups available today.  These can range from independent gatherings to programs that partner with a larger organization.  Locations can also vary, including individual homes, hospitals, places of worship, schools and other non-profits or centers.  Some self-help groups have a professional present to offer guidance and knowledge.  Others follow a peer-led style.  This type of support group is comprised of people who share the same problem or situation.  Many people enjoy this style because “veterans” can help those newer to the group share their experiences and what’s working for them.  In this approach, both the “veteran” and the newcomer benefit.

 

Self-Help Group Models

Alcoholics Anonymous is perhaps the most well known self-help model.  Its 12-step program was later adopted and refashioned for other groups, such as: Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous.  Respecting confidentiality outside of meetings is a central tenet of this program.  Groups are self-supporting and not reliant on outside means. 

 

Other groups, specifically those addressing medical needs, provide information related to living with the disease or illness.  You might also learn about who to contact or where to go for assistance and advocacy.  Simply networking with other individuals or families who share the medical situation can be a life-giving source of encouragement. 

 

People with less common life situations or diseases can find help through online support groups.  Also, if one desires complete anonymity, seeking cyber-support can be a good option.  Websites, chat rooms, and discussion boards offer 24-hour accessibility.  These allow people to support one another in their unique circumstances at any time of day or night. 

 

Joining a Self-Help Group

While a support group can be a wonderfully beneficial experience, finding the right one for you is key.  The following five strategies will help you connect with a group to meet your individual needs:

1. Ask a professional- The internet is an excellent tool for finding a self-help group. However, some websites might not be as current on all the local resources.  Try talking to your physician, counselor, or therapist for their recommendation for a great fit.  If they’ve referred other patients or clients to a specific group, they might have feedback to help you make a more informed decision.
2. Stay positive- Every group is unique and different from one another. Perhaps, you’ve found some strong personalities or intimidating people.  There might be some unfriendly faces or maybe the information wasn’t pertinent to you.  If your first experience didn’t prove helpful, don’t be discouraged.  Stay positive and continue looking for the ideal group.  No group will be perfect, but you can find one that’s a great match for you. 
3. Share at your pace- Participation in a self-help group is voluntary. There’s nothing wrong if you feel hesitant to share your story on your first or second visit.  You should never feel pressured to open up about information you’re not ready to disclose.  Even if you just listen, you can still glean a lot of helpful information from others’ stories. 
4. Speak up- There’s no question too small or silly to ask. If you don’t understand something or have a different perspective, it’s appropriate to ask or offer your input.  You’ll get the most from your group experience when you participate.  As long as you’re courteous with others, they will generally hear your question, concerns, or input with a mutual respect. 
5. Respect confidentiality- You will meet many individuals through your support group, some with fascinating stories. However, it’s inappropriate to share their experiences with others outside your group.  As long as it’s your story, you’re free to tell whomever, but be sure to respect your fellow group members’ privacy. 

Walking through life’s trials and struggles is difficult.  Sharing the journey with another makes it a little easier to handle.  The right self-help group can play a fundamental role in your healing and provide strength along the way. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

 

Sources: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/support-groups/art-20044655

 

Setting Healthy Goals

Every day we make choices about how to care for ourselves.  Because the consequences of healthy choices don’t happen overnight, sometimes it can be difficult to make smart choices. We choose to fulfill our short-term wants, because we’re not quite sure how to plan for long-term goals.

Healthy change takes commitment and time.  Setting goals is the most efficient way to accomplish a positive, healthy lifestyle.  However, how you frame and specify those goals plays a huge role in the chances of success.  Learning how to make specific, measurable, attainable, and forgiving goals sets you up for the life you desire. 

Goal-Setting Strategies

 

Specific- Goals should clearly describe what you would like to change and how you’re going to do it.  Often times, our goals are vague and too broad.

• General versus specific- A vague goal won’t supply you with the motivation you need for genuine change. For example, you might say, “I want to get fit.”  What does “fit” look like?  How will you achieve that?  A better way to succeed is to be very specific.  How often are you going to exercise and for how long?  If you need more energy for your fitness goals, how much sleep would you like?  What steps will you take to get to bed earlier?  There’s a big difference between, “I want to be healthier,” and “I want to go for a 60 minute run, three times this week, so I will have the energy to play with my kids on the baseball field.”     
• Write down your “why”- Why do you want to achieve this goal? What is motivating you?  Write down what your life will look like when you achieve this goal.  This vision is more powerful than a general, vague statement.  This reason, the “why,” will be the motivation to keep running, stop smoking, continue saving toward retirement, or whatever your goal entails. 

Measurable- How will you know you’re making progress if you don’t track it?  The more you measure, the more you’ll encourage yourself to keep going and celebrate when you meet your goal.

• Keep a record- Write down your behavior or track it with an app. These clues will tell you how and when you’re moving toward or away from your goals. For example, if your goal is to lose 15 pounds, you might count your calories or track your daily percentages of vitamins and minerals.  Records can also help physicians give you helpful advice.  Be mindful though; your current health, weight, etc. do not necessarily reflect what you did yesterday.  Change will take time. 
• Maintenance- You might feel overwhelmed if you have many different goals in your life. Instead, think about the changes you’ve made in the past and the healthy habits you’re already maintaining. Goals seem more within your grasp when you look at what you’ve already achieved. 
• Rewards- When you set measurable goals and track progress, you will know when to reward yourself. People are more likely to succeed when they have small, frequent rewards instead of holding out for one, large prize. 

Attainable- Goals should be realistic. Think about your time, finances, and abilities, and set small, attainable steps toward the larger goal.  These might be daily, weekly, or monthly goals, so you don’t lose motivation quickly.  Too large a goal will seem overwhelming. 

• Short-term- Move in small, consecutive steps. Setting short-term goals as steps toward long-term goals allows for encouragement and rewards along the way.  For example, if you choose to pay off all your debt, start with one bill.  Concentrate on paying extra on that bill for three months by minimizing eating out or entertaining.   
• Connect motivations- Sometimes a larger goal will seem too large and stressful. Consider connecting two smaller motivations to achieve your larger goals.  For example, wanting to be healthy might not be enough motivation.  Maybe taking a vacation where you can hike mountain trails will connect two interests and help you get in shape.   

Forgiving- Progress does not equal perfection.  There will be days when emergencies or distractions occur, and you have to spend your time doing other tasks.  Make allowances and practice self-compassion. 

• Avoid self-comparison- Everyone is unique and accomplishes change on his or her own timetable. Working with others can be encouraging and beneficial, but it’s wise to steer clear of comparing yourself to a friend or colleague.  Others may have faster and better results with the same strategies and possibly less effort.  Remember, meeting your goals is about creating the life you want to have and not about competing against others.  
• Seek help- If you do feel stuck on your goals or discouraged, ask for help. You can avoid mistakes along the way by checking out resources and people who are experienced and have met similar goals. 

If you’re ready to get started, the best way to begin is to start saying your goals out loud. Tell people what you’re working toward and how you’ll get there. The more you share your goals and your motivation for a better, healthier life, the more you will believe you can achieve them.  

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://bewell.stanford.edu/smart-goals

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/lose_wt/behavior.htm

 

 

 

 

Motivation and Goal-Setting

Staying motivated is important when it comes to setting and completing goals.  When we combine our desires, our values, and our beliefs, we create motivation.  Since we have influence over each of these three elements, we can therefore control our level of motivation.  When you value something and choose to set realistic goals for attaining it, there will likely be a good outcome. 

Steps to Get Motivated

Getting motivated begins with a choice.  The following steps will help you generate the energy needed to take action:

1. Identify your values, beliefs, and desires about life.
2. Think specifically about your work, health, and relationships. How do they relate to your values, beliefs, and life’s desires?  Write down these connections. 
3. Prioritize your goals. Are some of these items long-term or short-term?  Do you see any themes emerging with your list?
4. Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses to assess what goals are realistic.
5. Adjust your goals accordingly, as not every circumstance is under your control.
6. Understand that success is the result of your motivation, goals, circumstances, and hard work.

Motivation Tips

When it comes to goals, it can be easy to get sidetracked or stalled.  Consider these tips to gain and maintain your motivation:

• Accountability- Surround yourself with supportive people who are working toward similar goals. Encouragement from others is important, especially those who have previously completed a goal like yours.  If you are constantly competing with others, you’ll feel alone and begin to lose momentum. 
• Inspiration- Look for daily ways to uplift your mind and motivation. This might mean posting an inspiring quote or picture to your mirror or reading about influential people you admire. 
• Consider the alternative- If you don’t make this change, what will your life be like? Your reaction to this question is a clue to how much you value this goal. 
• Practice self-care- When you take care of yourself, you’re more likely to reach your goals. This could be as simple as drinking more water, getting good sleep, or exercising a few times a week.  Small changes like these can make a big difference in your energy level and mood. 
• Forgive yourself- It is all too easy to be your own worst enemy. Understand that you will have days you fail, make mistakes, and get rejected.  However, if you stay positive and refuse to beat yourself up, you have already won the battle.  Learn to forgive yourself and move forward.

Goal-Setting Steps

When it comes to setting goals, sometimes it can be hard just to know where to start. Consider the following guidelines when determining your new goal:

• Plan- Set aside some time to think about your goals. Sometimes you might have a few false starts when you begin.  Don’t be discouraged; this is a normal part of the goal-setting process.
• Think big- Put logic aside for a moment. We can be afraid to think and dream big when we set goals.  Negative thinking can quickly take over.  Remember, just because you cannot reach a goal today does not mean it’s never a possibility. 
• Stay positive- Use uplifting language when you are constructing your goal. Focus on what you want for yourself rather than what you don’t want.  For example, say something like, “I want to lose 20 pounds, so I can play in the backyard with my kids.”  This is more positive than, “I want to lose 20 pounds so I don’t have a heart attack.”
• Break it down- Goals should be broken up into attainable and measurable tasks. Setting a daily or weekly goal will continue to keep you motivated.  This also allows you to monitor your progress.
• Envision your future- Who and where are you in five or ten years? What are you doing?  Who is around you?  What is making you happy?  Imagining yourself in the future can be highly motivating. 
• Write a vision statement- When you feel overwhelmed with daily tasks, having a clear and concise vision statement, or purpose for your goal, can help you stay on track. This is sometimes known as a “why” statement.  The more passionate you feel about your purpose, the more determined you will be to stay the course.
• Be flexible- There is no rule that says you cannot revise your goals or daily tasks. As we move through life, our circumstances and passions will change.  Sometimes we need to alter the steps toward our goal as we learn along the way.  It’s important to be flexible and open to change.

Learning to set and meet goals is a life-long process.  When you achieve one goal, be sure to set time aside to celebrate the victory.  Then, set your sights on a new objective, and include others in your process.  Helping another get started on their journey is a great way to stay motivated and keep moving in the direction of your dreams.   

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.uiowa.edu/web/advisingcenter/motivation.htm

http://hrweb.berkeley.edu/learning/career-development/goal-setting/career-plan-vision

 

 

Organizational Skills

Staying organized is essential to accomplishing our goals.  When we streamline clutter and get rid of waste we can focus more of our resources on what we feel is most important in life. While organizational skills are necessary, different things work for different people.  What does organization look like for you?  You don’t need a complicated, color-coded system to organize your life if something else works better.  To identify what organizational strategy works for you, just ask yourself a few important questions.  As you respond, thoughtfully consider where your organizational strengths and areas for improvement can be found.

Organizational Strengths and Weaknesses

• Waste Removal- Keep track of your activities during a typical week, and document how you spend your time. What activities tend to waste your time? How can you minimize or eliminate these from your schedule?
• Long-term goals- Have a clear vision and goals for the long term. Does the way you spend your time reflect these goals?  What are the daily and weekly tasks that help you achieve your goals?
• Optimal time- Identify the time of day you are most productive. Are you a morning or night person?  Knowing your peak performance time of day will help you achieve quality work on your most important tasks.
• Important vs. urgent- Determine what is important versus what is urgent. Often we spend the entire day focused on what’s been regarded as urgent.  When we cater to tasks like answering every email right away, we often don’t accomplish much. 
• Top three- Ask yourself every day, “What are the three most important tasks I need to complete today?” When you’re able to focus on three items, it helps you not feel as overwhelmed.  You’re more likely to stay productive when you’re not thinking about everything at once.

Tips to Stay Organized

Some people are naturally more organized than others.  Even if you’re not characteristically structured and orderly, there are ways to learn this behavior.  Here are several strategies for clutter removal, proper planning, and time management that can help you develop greater organizational skills: 

 

Tackling Clutter

• Start small- Organizational overhauls can feel overwhelming. Start with small tasks that motivate you.  Perhaps you can de-clutter your desk or sort through some paperwork.  Work your way up from there. 
• Weekly cleanup- Papers and mail can easily take over your workspace. Have a weekly cleanup where you discard or recycle papers and other materials.  File important papers and put things in their proper place.  This will help you stay focused and avoid the need for major reorganization. 
• Put in place- After you finish using an item, return it to its place. This will keep your workspace looking less cluttered, so you can focus better.  You also won’t be losing valuable time searching for misplaced items. 

Plan of Success

• To do list- Breaking down large tasks into smaller steps helps you stay motivated by checking off each item. Keep a to-do list for every task.
• Plan for the day- You can avoid morning confusion by planning for your day the evening before. Consider picking out your clothes or packing your lunch.  Gather the files or books you might need.  This may help you fall asleep faster too, as your mind is not preoccupied with the morning rush of responsibilities.  If you’re a parent, this is also helpful to do for your children.
• Stick to one- We tend to praise multitasking in our culture, but this can actually prevent you from being organized. Focusing on one task at a time is best and produces a better result. 

Time Management

• Avoid interruptions- Sometimes we have to stop and address concerns that interrupt our day. But other distractions, like emails or voicemails, can often wait a little longer.  We might feel pressure to respond immediately, but this can take up valuable time.  Limit the amount you check email or social media to two or three times per day. 
• Time limits- Give yourself an ending time for tasks you don’t enjoy. You’ll stay more motivated when you know there is a time limit.  If you can’t do this, break up the task into smaller steps.  Do activities you enjoy between the smaller tasks you don’t. 
• Set limits- Don’t apologize for organizing your life according to priorities. You might receive some pushback at first when you say no to certain tasks, but you’ll be more useful to yourself and others when you decide what’s important.

Finally, you might want to try and associate organization with positive feelings.  While implementing organizational strategies, consider playing music that puts you in a good mood or having a picture of those you love or scenery you find peaceful on hand.  You know you’ll feel good when the task is complete, and there isn’t any reason why you can’t enjoy your progress on the road to success. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources: 

http://people.rice.edu/uploadedFiles/People/TEAMS/Getting%20Organized%20at%20Work.pdf

 

 

Safe Dating Guidelines

Starting a new relationship is always exciting, but sometimes dating can be a little scary or confusing.  There are a variety of ways to meet people, from social settings to social media.  Navigating how and when you meet takes some thinking.  When it comes to dating, here are some practical rules for a safe and meaningful experience: 

1. Rule number one is to trust your instincts. This holds true for any type of relationship.  If something doesn’t feel right, ask for help immediately or walk away.  You don’t owe anyone anything, especially if you don’t want to do something. 
2. In general, people like to talk about themselves. Ask a lot of questions, specifically about the person’s background, family, friends, and work.  If your date doesn’t mention any friends or has a history of violence, this should catch your attention.  Additionally, any other unusual or suspicious behaviors should serve as red flags.  Some examples are:
   1. Multiple conversations about “fate” and “destiny.”
   2. Suggests they are newly widowed.
   3. Claims to want your address to send gifts and/or flowers.
   4. Writes or emails you with excessive spelling and/or grammatical errors.
   5. Sends emails with strange links to third-party websites.
3. Always protect your finances. Never give out your credit card or bank account number.  If your date asks for money, do not feel obligated to give to them; there is nothing wrong with saying no.

In addition, these helpful guidelines apply to online dating scenarios and your first date: 

Online Dating

• True or false- You might want to believe the best about someone, and that’s an admirable quality. However, don’t assume everything online is true.  People often lie on the Internet, and dating sites do not generally participate in criminal background checks. 
• Privacy- If you do have a dating profile, keep things like your phone number, home address, and email address private. If you do not feel safe giving out your number on a first date, communicate through the dating service’s website.  You can also look into a separate number for free through programs like Google Voice.  Do not give out your home or work address to anyone you haven’t met in person.  Be wary if your date suggests talking on an outside email address opposed to the dating service’s protected website. 
• Questions- There’s nothing wrong with asking a lot of questions. Before you agree to go on a date, don’t be afraid to gain insight about the person.  Asking questions pertaining to who they are and what’s important to them is both helpful and safe.  If they are unwilling to show you a photo of themselves or provide the information you feel you need, don’t meet them in person.
• Too good- Beware of someone who is eager to meet immediately. Also, if a person seems too good to be true, they probably are.  If they really want to date you, then they’ll be willing to wait until you feel comfortable.  
• No bullying- If people are rude or verbally abusive online, don’t make time for a date. Instead, block their profile and report their behavior to a website moderator.

Your First Date

• Your call- Don’t let yourself be talked into anything you don’t want to do. If someone is pressuring you to go out again before you are ready, say no without guilt.  A person worth dating will understand.
• Stay public- When meeting a date for the first time, stay in a public and well-lit place. Keep your cell phone on hand.  Communicate with at least one friend where you are going and whom you are meeting.  Take a private moment and text or call them to let them know everything is fine.  If you don’t feel safe, call a friend to come and pick you up immediately. 
• Transportation- It’s a good idea to have your own transportation to and from the date. Do not accept a ride home from someone you don’t know well, because this gives the individual your home address.    
• Call authorities- Give your friends or family members permission to call you in the event of an emergency. If you don’t answer your phone, let them know it’s okay to call the police.   
• Stay sober- It’s never a good idea to impair your judgment with someone you don’t know well. Remaining sober or monitoring your drinking helps you avoid making decisions you will regret.   
• Watch your stuff- Keep your personal items with you, like your cell phone, purse, or wallet. Never leave your drink unsupervised.  Tampering with drinks is a serious thing, but it does happen.
• Short and sweet- Keep the date to a short, specific time limit. This way, you’ll feel comfortable leaving when you want and won’t feel pressured to stay if you don’t want to. 
• Long distance tips- In the same way that you would not give out your home address for a local date, do not give out your hotel information. If you’re meeting someone long-distance, arrange your own transportation, and keep your friends or family updated.  They should know whom you’re with and where you’re going. 

Applying these guidelines to any new relationship will help you have safe and mature experiences.  When you feel safe and comfortable, you are more likely to make the best decisions for yourself and have the most fun as you meet new people.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.uab.edu/police/crime-prevention/safety-tips/97-safe-dating-tips-for-single-women-and-men

http://match.com/help/safetytips.aspx

Improving Self-Esteem

 

Self-esteem is having respect or confidence in yourself and how you interpret your abilities, appearance, and/or attributes.  It reflects an overall sense of value or worth, and it affects our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  Often words such as self-worth, self-image, and self-respect are used interchangeably with self-esteem.  In short, a healthy self-esteem accepts and values you for exactly who you are, even your flaws.   

 

Self-esteem impacts every area of our lives, including our mental and emotional health and how we operate at work and in relationships.  Your level of self-esteem also varies throughout different stages of life.  If high school was a particularly difficult period of your life, your self-image may have been lower than it is now.  Perhaps getting older is causing lower self-esteem than how you once viewed yourself.  Our self-perception is often linked with how others have treated us in the past.  We might make past or current judgments about ourselves based on those experiences.      

 

Along the spectrum of self-esteem, some people have a high sense of self-worth.  Others find they have very low self-esteem, possibly facing symptoms of depression or anxiety.  Feeling inadequate, unlovable, and/or unworthy may accompany a lower self-image.  If you find yourself on the low end of the self-image spectrum, it is important to remember you are not alone.  This could be a symptom of depression, and your doctor or mental health professional can help.

 

Determining Self-Esteem Levels

There are some useful ways to determine where your self-esteem levels are.  Consider these possibilities:  

• Strengths and weaknesses- Take inventory by writing down your positive and negative qualities.  If you negative qualities largely outnumber the positives ones, then this might be an indicator of low self-esteem. 
• Success and failure- Do you downplay or explain away your successes?  Many times we set perfection as the goal, only to be regularly disappointed.  Are you able to receive compliments, or do you merely brush them aside?  Being able to celebrate our accomplishments is a sign of a healthy self-esteem. 
• Standards- Are you comparing yourself to others?  This will not help improve our self-esteem.  Research shows people who spend too much time on social media are more likely to struggle with low self-esteem because they are constantly comparing themselves to others. 
• Potential- Have you considered you may not know everything about yourself?  Take some time to discover what hidden strengths and passions you might have.  Exploring a new hobby, activity, or talent may significantly increase your self-esteem. 

 

Improving Self-Esteem

 

If you are looking to better your self-image, here are several practical steps to follow as you take inventory of your thoughts:

1. Triggers- Identify what or who triggers negative thinking.  A difficult coworker?  Looking at your bank account?  Interactions with certain family members? You can’t avoid every trigger, but you can plan how you will respond to it.
2. Self-talk- Next, listen to your thinking, or “self-talk.”  What do you tell yourself?  Is it based on fact or emotion?  Is it irrational or irrational?  Assuming the worst in every situation will take a toll on your self-esteem. 
3. Accuracy- Are your thoughts true?  If not, challenge them.  Often times our thoughts are influenced more by perception than reality.
1. Black-and-White Thinking- “If I don’t get this promotion, I might as well quit; jobs never work out for me.”
2. Jumping to Conclusions- “He hasn’t contacted me because he doesn’t like me.”
3. Downplaying the Positive- “She only asked me to go out because all her other friends were busy.”
4. Overgeneralizing- “I never get things right. I’m always so stupid.”
4.  Positivity- Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Encourage yourself by focusing on the positive.  Avoid thinking of “should have” and “could have” scenarios.  When mistakes are made, you can learn to forgive yourself.  Give yourself credit for good things and even small wins.

 

Taking Care of Yourself

 

Learning to change how you interpret life takes energy. Taking time every day to care for yourself will help you feel healthy, and when you feel good you are more likely to be positive about yourself and your abilities. Listen to your body, get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, and exercise regularly.  Take time for activities and people you enjoy most.  A simple way to enjoy life and stay positive is to help someone else. 

 

Rearranging your thoughts and learning to take care of your body takes time and practice.  The more you challenge your negative thoughts and habits, the more confident you will feel in yourself and your actions.  When you are positive about yourself, you will have a positive impact on the world around you.     

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://nccam.nih.gov/health/stress/relaxation.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/10/30/6-tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content//SMA-3715/SMA-3715.pdf

 

Compulsive Gambling

Humans can become addicted to many different behaviors and gambling is no exception.  Many people are able to gamble recreationally with little to no lasting effects.  However, others find the thrill of gambling addictive and return to it time and again despite incurring great costs in terms of their relationships, financial security and general wellbeing.

What is Gambling?

There are a variety of ways and reasons a person gambles.  While many people do gamble without causing significant problems, some develop problem gambling.  Problem gambling is defined as causing harm to the gambler or someone else, like a family member.  Even though a person may want to stop, the initial behavior leads to the more serious, compulsive gambling.   When someone struggles with compulsive gambling it causes problems in multiple areas of his or her life. 

 

Bingo, lottery tickets, casino games, online poker, and going to the racetrack are all examples of gambling.  Obviously, not everyone who gambles becomes addicted.  There is no easy formula for determining who develops an addiction to gambling.  Studies have indicated, however, that it is a combination of environmental, genetic, and biological factors. 

Determining a Gambling Problem

How do you know if you have a more serious gambling problem?  The following list of signs indicates the potential for gambling problems:

• Experiencing a thrill, or rush, from the experience of gambling.
• Lying about the behavior.
• Using work and family time to gamble.
• Feeling guilty about gambling but being unable to stop.
• Always thinking about the details of gambling.
• Using gambling to escape feelings of depression.
• Spending money on gambling instead of bills and needs.
• Borrowing or stealing money in order to gamble.

Studies have found that between two and four percent of Americans are problem gamblers. Gambling problems, according to some researchers, are more prevalent than alcohol dependence.

Access and Impact

Gambling is more prevalent than ever before because people have constant access to the thrill of the behavior through the Internet.  Beginning to gamble at an early age also increases the risk of developing gambling problems later in life.  Addictions are more common in men and those of lower socioeconomic status.  Like any addiction, compulsive gambling affects other aspects of life.

• Physical- Poor physical health and excessive drinking and smoking are common results of compulsive gambling.
• Relational- Family conflict may occur, especially if an individual is lying to others about the behavior and sacrificing family time for gambling. In addition, if outstanding debts are owed, this may cause increasing problems among family and the lenders. 
• Financial- Bankruptcy and debt are typical end results of compulsive gambling, and the impact of poor financial decisions can take years to amend.
• Emotional- Symptoms of depression and anxiety are common and may lead the gambler to suicide or other harmful behaviors.
• Legal- Criminal activity and other illegal tactics are often seen as a “needed” last resort to continue the behavior or to attempt to pay off debt.

Help and Hope

A compulsive gambling addiction does not need to be the last round in the game of life.  There are many professional treatment options as well as support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.  You can also ask your doctor or a mental health professional for support.  Before your first appointment, prepare yourself by considering these questions and steps:

• Write down your feelings about gambling. What are the triggers that make you want to gamble more?  How have you tried to stop?  How has gambling impacted your life?
• Make a list of all the current stressors in your life. Be sure to include all that apply (i.e. family, financial challenges, relational problems, work issues, etc.).
• Consider and write down questions you might have for your doctor. These might be:
  • What professional or treatment program options are most beneficial?
  • What written materials would he or she recommend?
  • What community resources and support groups are available?
• Plan to talk to your doctor about whether you meet the criteria for a gambling disorder, as indicated in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association. Your doctor or mental health professional might want to rule out other diagnoses before they recommend treatment.  

Freedom from a compulsive gambling addiction is possible and available to you.  Learning and maintaining alternative ways of coping with life will help aid in the recovery process.  To start, you can make a list of all the risks you take when you gamble.  Are the costs to you and your loved ones outweighing the potential benefits?  Those with a compulsive gambling addiction will more than likely answer yes to this question. 

Finally, remind yourself there is no shame in asking for help.  Determination and will power are often not powerful enough to overcome the gambling impulse, and you are not alone in this struggle. Help is available, along with the hope of a better life.  The benefits of taking control over gambling addictions of all levels are exceedingly more valuable than any payout. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://newsinhealth.nih.gov/issue/May2011/Feature1

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-gambling/basics/prevention/con-20023242

 

 

 

Grief and Loss: Loss of a Child

Losing a child is the most devastating pain a parent could face.  The future is forever changed and the grieving may last a lifetime.  There are many types of loss including miscarriage, stillbirth, kidnapping, violence, accidents, and illness.  Even the death of an adult child can devastate a parent, as it is unnatural for a parent to outlive their child. 

What is Parental Grief?

While everyone experiences loss to some capacity, the grief process is unique.  No two people will grieve the same way, and each person’s timetable for healing will differ.  Many factors influence parental grieving.  Cultural norms, religious beliefs, and the specifics of how the child died can all influence how a parent grieves his or her child.  Some instances such as an illness or accident, are a visible loss of a child, while a miscarriage can be a less visible, but no less painful, separation. 

 

There are typically five main stages of grief a person experiences.  They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Grieving is intensely personal, and no one should determine what is “grief-worthy” for another.  There are also many underlying layers of grief.  Parents will mourn the child, but they will also experience additional feelings of loss, such as the child’s smell, voice, laugh, cry, the future memories never to be made, etc.

 

Symptoms of Parental Grief

Losing a child can result in a number of emotional responses.  Parents can be depressed, angry, shocked or confused.  Many struggle with feelings of guilt and fear for their other children’s health or safety.  Some parents may resent families with healthy children, feel that life is meaningless, or question their faith and beliefs.  They can become angry with their spouse for grieving and coping differently than they do. 

 

There are a variety of physical symptoms that can accompany grief.  Changes in sleeping or eating patterns, loss of appetite, lack of concentration, and fatigue are common grief effects.  Some parents may no longer enjoy activities that once brought great pleasure, and if symptoms worsen, they may even contemplate suicide. 

 

Helping the Grieving Process

Though parents will always mourn the loss of a child, healing is possible.  The following is a list of helpful insights for grieving parents:

• Seek support- Grieving parents do not need to mourn alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, as family therapists and counselors have special knowledge that can help you through the grieving process in a healthy way. Communities of faith also provide an outlet to share your feelings, and support groups can provide a safe place to meet others who have gone through the same experience.
• Keep a routine- When you are grieving it’s important to have some stability in your week. Having some fun, comforting, and familiar activities to look forward to can help you and any other children feel safety and a measure of normalcy. 
• Stay open- Talking about your child might seem difficult at first, but remembering them can help the healing process. When memories and stories are brought up, use your child’s name and reminisce openly with others.  Never feel like you are inconveniencing others with your grief.   
• Plan for holidays- Special days, holidays, and your child’s birthday will be difficult, especially the first anniversary of them. Plan ahead for this time.  How do you want to remember the child?  Would you like to be home or away, occupied or contemplative?  The best plan for the day is anything that will benefit you and your family’s healing. 
• Say no to guilt- Don’t beat yourself up when housework or other responsibilities slide. When you need help, ask for it.  People might want to help but not know how to best do so, so it’s important to be specific or give examples when you ask for support. 
• Care for other children- There are some specific things to consider when you have additional children, as everyone is grieving in his or her own way.
  • Include them- Siblings will grieve in their own ways. Inquire if they want to participate in a memorial service or find another way to honor their sibling.  This will provide a way for them to remember their sibling, validate their sense of loss, and move towards healing.
  • Avoid comparison- Children should never be compared to their sibling who died. Otherwise, they will assume the responsibility of trying to fill the void and replace the child you have lost. 
  • Be aware- Some parents will cling to their other children and act in an overprotective manner out of fear. Others may be overly permissive.  If you feel like you cannot give your other children the attention they need, ask a friend or family member to help. 

Mourning the loss of a child will not go away overnight.  The pain may last a lifetime, but there are ways to find meaning after the loss.  Consider how you might want to honor your child’s life and create a lasting legacy to honor them.  Some might hold a memorial service, volunteer, or contribute to a cause their child appreciated.  Any way that reminds a grieving parent of their child in a healthy, positive manner will help their transition process toward acceptance. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

https://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/grieving_the_loss_of_a_child.aspx

http://www.cancer.net/coping-and-emotions/managing-emotions/grief-and-loss/grieving-loss-child

 

 

 

 

 

Coping with Grief and Loss

 

The chance of experiencing loss in your lifetime is 100 percent.  Everyone encounters significant loss at some point, and grief is the emotional reaction to that loss.  Whether you face the death of a beloved family member or pet, see a marriage or job crumble, or watch your health or finances diminish, some level of grieving will occur.  In fact, anything valuable has the capacity for loss and the corresponding grief attached. 

 

Grief is both universal and unique in its nature.  Two people experiencing the same loss might react very differently depending on their relationship to whom or what is being grieved.  Some people engage in anticipatory grief, which occurs before an actual loss.  This is commonly seen with a dying friend or family member, an upcoming move, or impending divorce.  This type of grieving is a means of self-protection and preparation for the actual loss.

 

There are many physical and emotional symptoms of the grieving process.  Many individuals face sleeplessness, weight loss or gain, or a weakened immune system.  Chronic illnesses may become worse due to the stress of grieving.  Emotional responses may range from sadness, guilt, fear, or anxiety to moments of relief, peace, or even happiness. 

 

The Five Stages of Grief

While there is no normal or expected grief response, there are five common stages, observed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, through which many people walk.  These stages include:

 

1. Denial- This occurs when emotions are temporarily shut down or numbed.  Individuals deny the current reality and cannot take in the facts of the loss.   
2. Anger- Often people will experience different forms of anger.  This could range from a deep-seated frustration to an outburst of rage.  Anger has many shades, and a person can be angry with themselves, others, or especially those closest to them.    
3. Bargaining- This stage is a scenario of negotiation, often in the form of religion and the promise of a reformed lifestyle.  Many times in relational losses, such as a break-up, bargaining might take the form of an unhealthy compromise.
4. Depression- Here, the grieving individual loses hope.  Life might feel pointless, and isolation often occurs.  The individual may be extremely sad and sullen, cry often, and become detached and silent.  Basic life functions might seem increasingly difficult and unimportant. 
5. Acceptance- Last, a realization, or a “coming to terms” with the loss occurs.  Individuals may still feel sad when they think of the loss, but they are able to continue enjoying life and finding meaning in goals and relationships.

 

Common Myths about Grief

No two individuals will follow the same grief path or timetable.  Some people adjust quickly to their new environment.  Others will take several months or years, especially if their daily life is vastly different, or the loss was a shock or trauma.  Grieving is an intensely personal experience, and no one should determine what is grief-worthy for another.  There is no “normal” or standard protocol that fits everyone.  Here are some other common misconceptions:
 

• If you just ignore the loss, the pain will go away.
• It’s important for you to stay strong at all times. 
• Tears are directly proportionate to the level of your loss.
• After one year, you should be completely over all aspects of your loss. 

 

.

Ways to Cope with Loss

There are many useful ways to move from a place of grief to a life of healing and hope. 

• Stay connected.  It’s important to keep talking and not isolate yourself during loss.  Discuss the death, the divorce, the job loss, the cancer, etc. 
• Emotional reactions of all sorts (anger, sadness, bitterness, envy) are normal.  Give yourself permission to feel them and not feel guilty.
• Never apologize for taking care of yourself.  Physical hygiene, good nutrition, exercise, and sleep will work wonders in your healing journey. 
• Consider ways to honor the loss you’ve experienced.  Active grieving may involve a memorial, community service, or creating a legacy of honor. 
• Remember, you are not alone.  Seek out help, especially if you are struggling with completing daily activities. Be specific when you ask for help from friends and family members, as they might not know what to do. In addition, access grief groups, counselor and therapists, or religious leaders when you need their support and guidance.    

 

Moving Onward

Accepting a “new normal” is the key to understanding grief.   Despite the old adage, time will help, but it will not completely cure the pain of loss.  Coming to a place of greater awareness and acceptance of this new identity is the final stop, or perhaps, just the beginning, on the road to life after loss.    

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief.aspx

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20047261?pg=2

 

Grief and Loss: Loss of a Parent

Even though we know we are supposed to outlive our parents, nothing can quite prepare us for the shock and sadness we feel when they pass.  Whether their death is sudden or drawn out with illness, there may be unresolved issues that influence our grief.  Perhaps, you didn’t get the chance to talk with your dad one last time before his passing.  Or maybe your mother’s death occurred right before a holiday, wedding, birthday, or other special event.  It is natural to be affected by the grieving process, regardless of the circumstances or age of your parent. 

Common Feelings after Losing a Parent

Even if you are an adult when your parent passes, you will still struggle through some common emotions associated with grief.  Many children, even grown ones, feel confusion about their new identity and role in the family.  You may feel as though no one will ever love you the way your mom or dad did.  If your other parent is alive, it might become your responsibility to care for them, especially in their grief.  Other common emotions might include guilt for what you didn’t say or do, frustration with the new tasks you’ve assumed, and uncertainty dealing with legal and financial matters. 

 

When both parents are gone, it’s natural for a person to feel like an adult orphan.  Your identity might change, as well as your role.  Suddenly, you might find yourself to be a member of the oldest living generation in your family.  You might feel an overwhelming desire to carry on your parents’ values and traditions or maybe start new ones. 

Processing Grief Differently

Everyone will experience grief and loss at some point, but no two people will process it the same way.  After the loss of a parent, some people aren’t sure how to respond.  People may not understand why you are grieving if your parent lived a long life.  Others who have already lost a parent may step in and support you with comforting words and kind acts.  Your siblings may also be struggling with your parent’s death, but they might grieve in an entirely different manner.   

 

Coping with Grief 

There is no correct way to grieve and no universal timeline for it.  Grief will look different for everyone.  However, the following are a few considerations for taking care of yourself when you lose a parent:

• Be alone and together- There are times when grieving is done privately. On other occasions, sorrow is expressed as a group.  Give yourself permission for both of these responses.  At times, you will want to share your feelings with other family members.  Other moments you might rather be alone with your thoughts.  Both are common and acceptable.
• Release guilt- Some adult children may feel relief when their parent passes. This is especially common when the parent has been suffering from chronic pain or illness.  Also, if the child has been the primary caregiver, feelings of relief are natural.  You should not feel guilty if you experience this emotion. 
• Prepare for holidays- You should expect the holidays to be hard, especially the first year without your parent(s). Plan ahead for how you would like to honor them or their traditions.  Consider how you will best care for yourself as well on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. 
• Respect others’ grief- Because everyone grieves differently, relationships may be stressed and strained after a loss. Understand that your siblings and other family members may need more or less time than you to process their pain.  Be patient and lean on one another for support.  Ask for help when you need it. 
• Foster old and new relationships- No one can take the place of your mom or dad. However, there’s nothing wrong with finding someone to offer support, comfort, and the wisdom you might need.  This could be a relative or another friend who perhaps has been a mentor to you.
• Preserve memories- What stories of your parents would you love your children to know? Think about the memories you want to pass on to future generations.  Writing these down can help you process your own grief, while preserving timeless memories for grandchildren and other young family members. 
• Seek help- Even if you’re not experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, that doesn’t mean you cannot benefit from talking to a therapist or support group about your loss. Sharing your feelings aloud with a professional and others who’ve experienced losing a parent is an excellent way to care for yourself. 

Many times loss is unexpected.  And even when we’re anticipating it, we might not be prepared for how we will react.  When we are grieving, we are more likely to stop or minimize healthy habits.  Much of the healing process, however, is related to good self-care.  Taking the time to get proper rest, eat well, and exercise regularly is essential to your healing after you experience a loss.  These healthy choices will help you transition to a place of hope after a loss, and will serve to honor your parents’ wishes for your health and happiness.  

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources: http://www.cancercare.org/publications/68-helping_yourself_as_you_cope_with_the_loss_of_a_parent

Grief and Loss: Loss of a Partner

The death of your spouse or partner can change your entire world.  You lose the person you loved, the role they played in your family, and your life’s daily routine.  You might miss their financial stability and emotional support, and perhaps your spouse or partner was your best friend.  Whatever your partner represented to you, the pain of loss is real.

Physical and Emotional Effects of Grief

Though grief and loss is a universal experience, no two people will process grief the same.  There’s no right way to grieve or a timetable to do so.  Mourning a loss affects our physical bodies as well as our emotions.  You might experience changes in sleeping and eating patterns or feel fatigued and low on energy.  In addition, work and other tasks might become difficult as you struggle to concentrate.

 

When you grieve, you also feel a number of emotions, such as shock, fear of the unknown, anger that they died before you did, or guilt that you could have done more.  Many people experience remorse for not being there when their spouse passed, or might feel unsafe coming home to an empty house. 

Healthy Grieving Ideas

Grief and loss happen to everyone.  Some choose positive coping methods, while others cause further distress by choosing negative ways to process their grief.  These individuals might shut others out, make hasty decisions, or turn to alcohol or drugs.  The following physical, emotional, and social tips offer healthy grieving ideas: 

 

Physical

• Practice self-care- During the grieving process, it is imperative that you don’t neglect your health. Making wise food choices, getting enough rest, staying hydrated, and exercising regularly is critical. Though you may not feel like it, you’re actually helping the healing process by practicing good self-care.  You should never feel guilty for taking care of yourself physically, especially when you are grieving. 
• Know your limits- You might need to talk with your employer about a more flexible work schedule. Perhaps you can’t assume all the household responsibilities your spouse or partner handled.  Be patient with yourself if you need to learn new tasks or skills, and this will take time.  There’s nothing wrong with saying “no” and setting limits while you heal.

Emotional

• Keep a journal- Writing down your feelings about the loss can be helpful. Though remembering your spouse or partner might be painful, the memories can recall all the joy they brought.  Recording your thoughts is also a way to chronicle your healing as the weeks and months pass.   
• Avoid big life decisions- Large changes like moving or a new job should be placed on hold until you feel better. Grief can cloud good thinking, so while risky decisions might seem rewarding in the moment, you might regret them later. 
• Plan for the holidays- Plan ahead for special events, holidays, or anniversaries to smooth the transition. Take time to honor your spouse on the special day or have someone available to talk to about your grief.  Prepare beforehand, so you can use the day to be positive, get support, and care for yourself.   

Social

• Honor your partner’s life- One way to embrace a new beginning is to honor your partner’s life. Although they are no longer with you, there are ways to recognize their values and beliefs.  Consider holding a special memorial service, planting a tree, or volunteering for their favorite charitable cause.  This effort creates a lasting legacy, helps you heal, and contributes to your community.
• Engage your interests- If the upcoming weeks feel empty, make plans to do things you know you will enjoy. Meet up with friends, join a community group, or take a class to learn a new skill.  Having plans to look forward to each week can increase your energy level and uplift your mood.  However, be patient with yourself.  It’s not necessary to rush into a brand new life, and finding a “new normal” will take time. 
• Respect others’ grieving- Your family members, friends, and children are also mourning the loss of your spouse or partner. Their grief might look different than yours, so it’s important for everyone to respect each other’s grief process.  Recognize that relationships might change a little because of the loss. 

Grieving the loss of a spouse or partner is a process and won’t happen overnight.  Find friends and family members whom you can talk to about your feelings.  Ask for assistance with household duties, or have someone help you go through personal items and your partner’s clothes.  Consider joining a support group, talking with a therapist, or visiting your doctor for help and guidance.  Taking care of yourself is the best way to honor yourself and your partner’s love for you, so reach out and get the support you need.

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/mourning-death-spouse

 

   

 

Codependence

When a person is codependent they are unable to define and meet their own needs in a relationship. This individual “loses” their sense of self because they are completely absorbed in the needs of the other person in a relationship, who often is struggling with addiction or illness. This intense focus on the other person can jeopardize one’s health, safety, and success in life.

Codependence is commonly seen in romantic relationships, although any relationship can take on the negative traits of codependence.  You can see evidence of codependence in parent and child relationships, between siblings and among coworkers. 

How do people become codependent?

No one is born codependent.  A newborn baby is completely dependent on a caregiver, whereas a codependent person learns this behavior.  It can be passed down through the generations by observing other family members and modeling their codependent behavior.  Codependent people are sometimes known as “relationship addicts” because the connection is unhealthy, destructive, and one-sided.

 

People who have addiction (drug, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.) in their family history are more likely to become codependent.  Additionally, when physical, sexual, or emotional abuse has occurred the risk of emotional dependence escalates.  Mental illness is also a commonality among codependent people. 

Characteristics of Codependent People

Codependent people struggle to define who they are and what their purpose is in life.  They see their place in this world solely through the lens of their codependent relationship.  Despite their genuine care and concern for the other person in the relationship, they will take on the role of a martyr or victim and are drawn to others with the same mindset. 

 

Codependents are inclined to do whatever is needed to erase or minimize the consequences from their partner’s destructive behaviors.  This keeps the codependent individual on a damaging course. Codependents use others’ addictive behavior as an excuse to avoid communication and closeness with those who could help them. 

 

There are many emotional characteristics of codependent people.  A person may not exhibit all these traits, but there will be some signs of imbalance such as: 

• Low self-esteem and comparisons with others
• Overblown sense of responsibility for others
• Hurt feelings when actions aren’t recognized
• Fears of abandonment or losing the person in the relationship
• Difficulty understanding and identifying feelings
• Unable to set and maintain boundaries
• Emotional outbursts to stressful events
• Difficulty expressing their own goals or values
• Symptoms of anxiety, depression, or mental illness

Help for the Codependent Person

The following helpful tips can help you or someone you know step away from codependent tendencies: 

• Identify- Embrace your own needs and emotions. Saying “no” to a loved one doesn’t mean you don’t care for them, and it’s healthy to set these boundaries.  Tough love is sometimes the most loving thing you can do. 
• Self-reliant- What are some ways you could be more independent? When can you take responsibility for your own emotions and actions? Encourage others around you to do the same.
• Stop “fixing”- It is not your responsibility to solve all your loved one’s problems. People who struggle with addiction or illness are capable of more than we realize.  You can still support and love them without trying to “fix” their lives.  Give them space to take personal responsibility for their actions and future. 
• Explore- Discover what you value and what your beliefs are. Many times we are people-pleasers looking for approval and love.  Have you adopted values or beliefs simply to fit in or please your partner?  What would be important to you regardless of others’ opinions?
• Relax- Take some time for you. Relieve stress, tension, and anxiety by practicing relaxation techniques.  Exercising, enjoying music, practicing mindfulness, and enjoying activities you love are all examples of how to dial down worry and guilt.  When you practice good self-care by relaxing, those negative emotions are less likely to creep back.    
• Be kind- Apply the “golden rule” to yourself. Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you:  Be kind to yourself, and offer forgiveness when needed.
• Communicate- Relational closeness doesn’t magically happen. Open dialogue and communication is needed to foster intimacy in relationships.
• Choose hope- It’s easy to worry too much, causing fear to cloud good judgment. When we choose to operate out of hope instead of fear we can focus on our needs and desires in a healthy way.  If we’re living in fear of losing our partner, our stress and anxiety levels rise.  This lifestyle takes a tremendous toll on your mind and body. 

If you or your loved one is struggling with codependency, be courageous and seek help.  A licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how you began to act this way.  They can guide you to see healthy and unhealthy patterns in relationships.  Together, you can establish a plan to change your life’s direction and move from a codependent relationship to a mutually satisfying one.    

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

Grief and Loss: Anticipatory Grief

Everyone experiences loss at some point in life.  Grief is universal, but no two people will process it exactly the same.  Sometimes we can see a loss is coming before it happens. Our reaction to this approaching event is known as anticipatory grief.  Researchers claim that the period time before a loss can be just as difficult, if not more, than that the time after the loss. 

Anticipatory grief may be felt before a child goes away to college.  Others may experience grief before a change in job, completion of school, or retirement.  Losing physical abilities like sight, hearing, or mobility can trigger these emotions.  The most common reason for anticipatory grief is the upcoming death of a loved one from a terminal illness, such as cancer or dementia. 

Changes from Anticipatory Grief

When a loved one’s death is near, you’re not only experiencing the loss of a person.  You are also facing upcoming changes, like the shift of your role in the family.  For example, if your aging mother passes away, you might become a companion and caregiver to your aging father. Or perhaps you will grieve your identity as your mother’s daughter. Financial changes, positive or negative, can affect your life after loss as well.  When death is looming, you may also grieve the loss of dreams and what could have been. 

 

Anticipatory Grief Symptoms

We will all experience anticipatory grief in life.  However, understanding this reality doesn’t minimize the pain.  The most prominent symptom is anticipating or dreading the loss to come.  Your thoughts may nag at you.  Worries about what life will look like after the loss are common.  You might spend your time thinking through how you’ll transition and cope with the upcoming loss.

 

There are also physical and emotional responses to anticipatory grief:

• Physical symptoms:
  • Bouts of crying
  • Fatigue
  • Weight loss or gain
  • Sleeping problems
• Emotional symptoms:
  • Fear of discussing grief before the loss
  • Confusion and disorganization
  • Mood swings
  • Anxiety or depression
  • Loneliness (experienced especially by caregivers)

Positive Ways to Cope

There are healthy and unhealthy ways of coping with anticipatory grief.  The following tools can provide you with positive suggestion to prepare for the upcoming loss:

• Vocalize- Share your feelings aloud or write them down. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about expressing where you are in the grieving process.  Keeping a journal can help guide you through your emotions in the transition.
• Laugh and cry- Give yourself permission to feel sad or happy. It’s acceptable to cry, even though the loss hasn’t occurred yet.  Also, there’s nothing wrong with retaining a sense of humor.  Laughter and being able to enjoy life will be a gift to you and your loved ones. 
• Know your strengths- Draw on your dominant abilities in this difficult time. What skills or activities motivate you and bring joy?  Embrace your strengths amidst the sadness.
• Take a holistic approach- Consider trying more holistic exercises that help your mind and body. Relaxing activities such as doing yoga, listening to peaceful music, or practicing meditation can help you feel more in the present rather than worried about the future.   
• Be gracious- Many times people don’t know how to help when they see you grieving. They might even say something insensitive or frustrating in their ignorance.  Try not to become irritated if people don’t understand your grief.  Everyone anticipates the loss differently.  Remain open about your emotions and find support where you can get it.   

Anticipatory Grief of a Loved One’s Death

• Include children- It’s easy to assume kids aren’t hurting because they don’t completely understand what is happening. Talk to your children in an age-appropriate manner about the loss to help them process the event.  Look for comforting and creative ways to say goodbye to their loved one who is dying.  This can benefit both you and your children. 
• Find time- It may be difficult to spend time with your loved one if they are suffering or having difficulty remembering, but finding meaningful ways to be together is important. Try pulling out a family photo album or watching some old home videos.  These will be memories to cherish as a family.
• Give permission to go- Often at the end of life, people tend to “hang on” to meet important holidays, birthdays, or events. Give your loved one permission to pass.  Saying goodbye without guilt can be an invaluable gift for you and your loved one. 

Mourning, loss, and anticipatory grief need not be experienced alone.  Some individuals seek spiritual comfort in this difficult time and find solace and strength in their community of faith. Many individuals benefit from participating in support groups that address a specific type of loss.  As always, seek help as needed through your medical doctor or a licensed therapist or counselor.  Anticipatory grief is real, but there are supports in place to help guide you through the transition. 

 

Want to talk to a counselor today about this? 

Call Amplified Life at 800-453-7733 and ask for your “Free 15 Minute Phone Consultation" with one of our licensed counselors. We’ll listen, answer questions you may have, and help you plan next steps.

 

Sources:

http://www.americanhospice.org/grief/working-through-grief/80-anticipatory-grief-symptoms-whats-the-big-deal